Up from it's winter slumber, the Champions League has swung back into action. Just when you'd forgotten all about the elite club competition, and begun to focus on other competitions that teams that aren't Chelsea have a chance of winning, we get a bumper round of 16 games to entertain us.
Only we don't, really, because Michel Platini has gone and spoiled it for us all by spreading the games out over four weeks. He says "this means that there are more that you can watch, Ben!". I say "but Michel, I don't want to watch Olympiakos vs Bordeaux".
Perhaps best I didn't, because in this years annual last 16 tie between two teams that aren't very good, Laurent Blanc's surprise package sneaked a 1-0 win away from Olympiakos in a mostly forgettable game. Full marks to Bordeaux, though. Olympiakos is hardly somewhere to take the wife and kids. Settled by a header from a free kick Howard Webb shouldn't have given, this game had all the appeal of stale bread on dry toast.
Speaking of toast, Jean Makoun is the toast of east-central France after somehow miskicking the ball into the top corner of Iker Cassilas' net. Ronaldo, Kaka and friends notwithstanding, Lyon clung to a 1-0 win against the FIFA 10 Manager Mode XI.
Cristiano Ronaldo better be aware that pride comes before a fall. "This is the team that is waiting for you and is going to do everything possible to beat you!", he cried after smashing Villareal 6-2 in the Bernabeu. Perhaps someone should remind him that's it's been quite a few years now since they were any good. Expect Lyon to go out bravely. I'll revise that if they nick an away goal.
Likewise Arsenal. Once upon a time they had a team which played beautiful attacking football, under an inspirational manager, with players like Robert Pires, Patrick Vieira and Thierry Henry. Even then, they couldn't crack Europe, so quite how they think they're going to win the Champions League playing in the same way, only with Eboue, Bendtner and Denilson in the team instead is anyone's guess.
Porto didn't mind. Just like on the high school playground, they mercilessly bullied the runt goalkeeper, stealing two goals. Arsenal will fancy their chances in the second leg thanks to Sol Campbell's away goal. I wouldn't be so sure if I were you.
Much has been made of Manchester United's history of defeat against AC Milan, finally registering their first away win against them in almost 50 years of European competition. What was conveniently brushed over by all and sundry is that this is only the fifth time ever the two teams have met, and the head-to-head reads 3-2.
3-2 like the scoreline, thanks to a glorious striking masterclass by Wayne Rooney. This season, he's learned to head, and he's loving the service being offered like a fat kid loves cake. Fortunately for Milan, Ronaldinho is looking something like his old self, and with joyous abandon he kept the Rossoneri in the tie. Just. Miles to go in this tie. Absolutely miles.
In case you were living under a rock for the past three days, people were complaining. Tom Henning Ovrebo has scrubbed another city off his holiday destination list. Tragically for him, it's the beautiful Florence.
He will never see the remarkable Gothic Basilica di Santa Maria del Fiore because he sent of Massimo Gobbi. Miroslav Klose's offside goal has closed the doors to the art collections housed within the striking Palazzo Vecchio. He even missed his opportunity to even be allowed to enjoy a beer in the picturesque Piazza della Reppublica by failing to send the striker off for a horror challenge.
All still to play for. One would assume Ovrebo won't take charge of the return leg.
With a swing of his right boot, Zlatan Ibrahimovic finally broke one of the most entertaining ducks in all of football. The erratic striker, who is on course to win his relevant domestic league for the 7th season in a row, finally scored his first Champions League knockout stage goal. Ever. All it did was draw Barca level with an enterprising Stuttgart team, who probably should have had more themselves.
Barcelona spent the rest of the game passing the ball around cutely, making pretty shapes in midfield. They think they've won already. To be fair, they're probably right.
Sevilla probably feel much the same way. CSKA are good, and it is not a particularly easy metaphorical place to go, as Manchester United discovered during their clashes in the group stage. Alvaro Negredo got the away goal, but the Andalusian side were pegged back by a thunderbolt from Mark Gonzalez, who was once so good Liverpool waited two years to sign him. Expect them to cruise through the second leg with goals to spare.
Which brings us full circle. Chelsea, alleged shoe ins to win the Champions League this season, have suddenly found life very difficult. With a back four unable to keep their eyes on their balls and an ageing midfield which looks less and less complete every time it stumbles through a game, you get the sense that if it's ever going to be Chelsea's year, it needs to be this year.
As disinterested Abramovic watched on, the once apple of his eye fell to a galling 2-1 defeat thanks to a cute goal from Milito and a brutal one from Cambiasso. Kalou's goal midway through the second half leaves this tie finely poised, but with Chelsea as the team with the task to perform. Beat Inter Milan at the bridge and they are through, as long as it isn't a goal fest.
But you can't imagine Jose allowing that, can you?
So all in all, after the first leg of eight ties, I defy you to point to one that's beyond doubt. The closest you'll get is Manchester United's useful win at the San Siro against an ageing, tactically inept Milan side, but you can never write off a team with Ronaldinho, Seedorf, Pirlo, the Hunter... nick one and it's game on. You'd be amazed if Barcelona or Sevilla went out now, but you can never call a tie decided at 1-1.
I refuse to wait two weeks for the next round. I'm going to petition Platini, he of omnipotence over the European schedule, to move the games forward to this weekend. And if he refuses, well, I might just burst waiting to see what's in store. Because there's going to be something, somewhere, that is truly exceptional.
I can promise you that much.
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