Tito Ortiz At It Again: Terrorizes Retirement Community (Satire)

By now, fight fans, you are all aware of the post-fight pleasantries Mark Coleman and Tito Ortiz exchanged following Coleman’s lopsided defeat at the hands of Randy Couture.

Now, these types of antics have become commonplace and even somewhat expected of Tito, but this latest incident just goes too far.

It has become aware to us, via various sources, that Tito Ortiz has been terrorizing various retirement communities in the SoCal area. Apparently, simple verbal exchanges with aged fighters are no longer enough to satisfy his sick craving for attention.

Ortiz has become quite the nuisance to the elderly individuals who call these communities home. It has been reported that Ortiz is hiding wheelchairs and stealing bed pans from the residents. One report even stated that Ortiz likes to hide in dark corners only to jump out and scare the elderly as they roam the halls.

These revelations are low-class, even for Ortiz.

“Those mother%*$#ers had it coming! It’s called karma,” Ortiz responded when asked about his latest antics. “These people want to run their mouths? Well, I have no problem shutting them up.”

Classy, Tito—just classy.

The good news, fight fans? These communities have contacted legendary fighter and mustache aficionado Don Fyre for his help.

Starting tomorrow, Fyre will be patrolling the various establishments, and while he may not be able to be in all places at all times, the power of the mustache will be more than enough to ensure the safety of these retirees.

On behalf of everyone here, we would like to thank you, Mr. Frye, for your service. As for Tito, grow up and pick on someone who doesn’t have one foot in the grave.