Wow. You know, I believe most people who would deem you a zombie to say there is life after death. And you shouldn't be surprised if that zombie had "Peruna" and the "Pony Battle Cry" incessantly on his or her iPod.
But what if the fan of the now undead-Southern Mustangs were to tell you the truth? Pistol be damned, the run-and-shoot prevails.
And I have mixed feelings about the outcome of the 2009 Sheraton Hawaii Bowl. They are a peculiar blend of sweet and sour, of ecstatic and pathetic, of heaven and hell as I followed Santa Claus via the fine folks at NORAD.
First off, I am happy for June Jones. For me and for a lot of Hawaii Warrior football fans and alums, June Jones's contributions to turning the fortunes of UH will never be forgotten.
And I also feel happy for SMU. They get to go bowling for the first time in more than two decades. Until this year, the Mustangs were paying the price for their death penalty. Their 45-10 mockery of the Nevada Wolf Pack was a symbolic release from their own prison. So to all Mustang fans, you earned your moment of liberation.
But now, after coming to terms with SMU's win, I have harbored a deeper, stronger hostility toward Herman Frazier, the joke of an athletic director who screwed Hawaii Warrior football over by letting Jones get away.
Herman, do you see what your ineptness has caused? The Warriors are now coached by a former assistant in Greg McMackin whose savvy is nowhere close to his predecessor and has only managed a paltry 6-7 record.
This should have been Hawaii vs. SMU. More than 30,000 would have packed Aloha Stadium (the Gridiron Jewel of the Pacific) to see The Student face The Master in a run-and-shoot feast for the fans.
Instead, the Nevada Wolf Pack represented the Western Athletic Conference. Chris Ault may as well have donned on the sidelines the same outfit Jim Carrey wore as Ebenezer Scrooge in the latest re-hashing of "A Christmas Carol."
In fact, I wonder if he even considered packing it. I suppose he didn't expect to feel as miserably as he did on Thursday night.
But let's go back to Herman. This person should never, ever, EVER have been Hawaii's athletic director. I believe that if the University of Hawaii chose Jim Donovan to succeed Hugh Yoshida, June Jones would have remained Hawaii's head football coach.
On top of that, Otto "Proc" Klum's win total could have been passed.
Do you see now the consequences of your actions, Herman Frazier? I hope you did. One school's loss is another school's gain.
And this was all preventable. I just hope Santa Claus gave you the big, pineapple-sized lump of coal you rightfully deserve.
The zombies at Gerald Ford Stadium dressed in Harvard Crimson and Yale Blue shouldn't just give a mahalo to June Jones, freshman gunslinger Kyle Padron and the team for their breakthrough season. A huge sign of gratitude should be given to Frazier for screwing the fans in the islands many times over and offering them the best Christmas present they could ever have in a quarter-century.