The spawn of Flash: Jacoby Ellsbury's speed is inhuman

In the time it took me to write this sentence, Jacoby Ellsbury stole two bases.

The scary thing?

It’s entirely plausible for that to have happened. Ellsbury was the king of a run manufacturer during yesterday’s tête-à-tête with the Cincinnati Reds, singling to open the game and stealing two bases to notch the game’s first run (of nine by the Sox) on a sacrifice fly by Dustin Pedroia.

We’ve had a little over two months this year to adjust to the style of ball that Jacoby brings to the plate and I’m still having a hard time struggling with the fact that midway through June, he has 33 bases. To put that in perspective, he’s on pace to steal 80 bases.

Eighty.

Bases.

While the major league rookie record of 100 bases by Vince Coleman is not going to fall, Kenny Lofton’s A.L. record 66 will fall by a healthy margin because of one Jacoby McCabe Ellsbury.

Eighty.

Bases.

And this guy isn’t even a bonafide starter! Coco Crisp sucks at bats from him to create a very powerful four-man outfield that has paid dividends as Crisp and Ellsbury have been able to get near-regular playing time via injuries. If he was playing full time, I don’t think it outlandish to consider that he’d already have 40 stolen bases.

Not only that, he hasn’t been legitimately caught stealing in the majors yet! He was caught on a pitch out which no one can swipe a bag off of unless the throw is off. He later stole a base only to overslide the bag, causing potential stolen base No. 34 to become caught stealing No. 2.

He’s not just a one-dimensional player, though, like Michael Bourn. No, sir. He can handle the bat just fine and has popped five homers on the year to enter today’s contest at .289/.373/.413. For a 24-year old with a slender body, that’s fantastic. I’ve heard that his body could fill out and he could eventually project to hit about 20 home runs a year, but that would certainly come with a downgrade in speed.

Eighty.

Bases.

That would flat out shatter Tommy Harper’s single season record of 54 stolen bases. It would put him at 95 career stolen bases, meaning he would just need about two more years to set the record for most career stolen bases by a Red Sox (the trivia question as to who that is is coming later today—and no search engine can be used).

This dude is one faaaast dude. He could easily outrun the Incredible Hulk, who’s pretty fast for a guy his size (the movie’s pretty good, in case you were wondering). As a matter of fact, I’m rather positive that he is the spawn of Flash. I can’t think of any other reason how Jacoby could be so fast, I really don’t, especially considering the Red Sox’s history as a bunch of stumblebums.

Eighty.

Bases.

I can’t wrap my head around it.