Kevin Love Talks Suicidal Thoughts in Open Letter Discussing Mental Health

Cleveland Cavaliers star Kevin Love penned an essay for The Players' Tribune detailing his mental health struggles and a particularly difficult period he experienced during the 2012-13 NBA season. 

Love explained how from an early point in life his "self-worth was all about performing," with basketball serving as one outlet.

"When I wasn't performing, I didn't feel like I was succeeding as a person," he said.

As a result, the 2012-13 campaign was tough on him mentally because he was limited to 18 appearances. Without basketball, Love began to feel isolated:

"Five years before the panic attack that everyone knows about, I was probably in the darkest period of my life. I'd only played 18 games with the Timberwolves that season, breaking my right hand twice, and that was when this whole … I guess you'd call it a facade or a character that I had sort of built up …. it all started crumbling. I was in a cast. My identity was gone. My emotional outlet was gone. All I was left with was me and my mind. I was living alone at the time, and my social anxiety was so bad that I never even left my apartment. Actually, I would rarely even leave my bedroom. I would have the shades down most of the day, no lights on, no TV, nothing. It felt like I was on a deserted island by myself, and it was always midnight. 

"Just … dark. Dark and alone with my thoughts. Every. Single. Day.

"And I want to make it clear that I know how fortunate I was, compared to most people. I knew then and I know now. I didn't have to worry about my bills, or kids, or anything like that. But none of that mattered. My whole sense of purpose was tied to my job, and with that gone, every little thing that went wrong, no matter how small, just started compounding and compounding."

The five-time All-Star said he was "simply paralyzed with depression" and that almost nobody around him was aware of the problem because he never addressed it. Left feeling alone, Love began to wonder whether things would ever get better:

"The future started to feel meaningless. And when it gets to the point where you lose hope, that's when the only thing you can think about is, 'How can I make this pain go away?'

"I don't think I have to say much more than that."

Love said he wanted to recount his story to show others how important it is to reach out to friends or loved ones while experiencing issues related to mental health:

"If you're struggling right now, I can't tell you that this is going to be easy. But I can tell you that it does get better. And I can tell you that you are definitely not alone."

Love admitted he still has moments in which he questions his self-worth, but coming to terms with his mental health and getting the right help has allowed him to feel more comfortable with himself. He also said that he attends therapy and takes medication.

The 12-year veteran first said in March 2018 he experienced a panic attack during a game against the Atlanta Hawks earlier in the fall. He has since been a vocal advocate on matters of mental health.

If you or someone you know is in immediate crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 for 24/7 access to a trained counselor. You can also contact the Crisis Text Line by texting "HOME" to 741741. For more information about ongoing support and mental health resources, contact the HelpLine at the National Alliance on Mental Illness by calling 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or emailing [e-mail].