Sundays From the Cellar: Welcome to St. Louis, Peyton

Record: 0-7

Sunday’s Inevitable Outcome: Colts 42, Rams 6

The Line: Colts -17.5
The Over/Under: Peyton Manning commercials during the broadcast – 12

Week 7 Viewing Strategy: Relative Optimism
After watching the Mizzou Tigers get shelled 41-7 at home against Texas on Saturday, I felt like I was pretty much prepared to watch a quarterback slice and dice the team I’m pulling for, so the viewing strategy on Sunday was one of relative optimism. 

This wouldn’t be optimism regarding the Rams chances to beat the Colts and Peyton Manning – that would be called “relative insanity” – rather optimism regarding the chances that what I watched on Saturday night was actually worse than what I’d watch Sunday. If you’re going to watch two of your teams get demolished on back-to-back nights at least you can take some comfort in the fact that the you didn’t save the worst for last.

Then to shatter that theory the Colts went ahead and scored 1 more point than Texas did and for good measure, the Rams scored one less than Mizzou.  Final combined score over Saturday and Sunday for my two teams: 83-13.

I love football.  ###MORE###

Leonard Little’s Healing Hands…
In the spirit of competition, when Leonard Little overheard Peyton Manning mention that his lower back was sore, he offered a deep tissue massage to make sure his opponent was at full strength. 

 
By the Numbers…
Consecutive regular season wins by Indianapolis – 15
Consecutive regular season losses by the Rams – 17
Percentage of the time that I had to listen to the announcers slurp Peyton Manning’s ball – 100%
Percentage of the time that I wished the Rams had Peyton Manning instead of Marc Bulger – 100% 

A visual depiction of what Peyton Manning did to the Rams secondary
The referee uses sexual symbolism to explain to the Edward Jones Dome crowd what Peyton Manning did to the Rams secondary on Sunday. 

The Moment of “Holy Shit this team is horrible”
With :29 seconds left in the first half and the ball at their own 10 yard line, Peyton Manning chooses to kneel on it and let the clock run out….and Rams fans collectively breathe a sigh of relief because we all recognize that :29 seconds was more than enough time for the Colts to drive 90 yards for a touchdown.

Competition for #32
Of the bottom eight teams in the NFL, five of them played Sunday and lost by a combined score of 183-23.  Remember when the hot buzzword in the NFL was “parity”?  People, these are historical times we’re witnessing.

#25 Detroit (Bye) – Can firm up their spot as a high end bottom-feeder by fending off the Rams at home next week.
#26 Oakland (L 38-0) – The real Raiders came back after last week’s inexplicable win over Philly.
#27 Kansas City (L 37-7) – Give them a break, they had a let down after last week’s huge first win over Washington.
#28 Cleveland (L 31-3) – Simply no excuse for me leaving them out of this list last week. Make no mistake, they are horrible.
#29 Washington (Mon vs. PHI) - They may not be the worst team in the league, but no team would trade situations with them right now.
#30 Tennessee (Bye) – 0-6, beaten 59-0 in their last game and Vince Young still can’t get a start.
#31 Tampa Bay (L 35-7) – I’m sure the NFL made big strides in developing interest in the UK by sending the Bucs over there to get slaughtered by the Pats.
#32 St. Louis (L 42-6) – Consider me optimistic but I don’t see them going 0-16.

Up Next: @ Detroit

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