BCS Rankings: Fair or Not?

The rankings are out, and already there are some grumblings.

Here are the rankings, with my takes after them. Be careful, I'm in a cranky mood after hearing about Notre Dame's moral victory and no more talk about college football playoffs.

If ever there was a year to justify a playoff system, this is it.

1. Florida

Perhaps we should give the No. 1 ranking to the officials for guaranteeing that win over Arkansas? Something smells a bit offensive in Gainesville—like the offense.

2. Alabama

After you take Tebow to the woodshed in the conference championship game, everyone will believe. In the meantime, quit trying to impress with the pass and tell Nick to stop spending so much time on his hair.

3. Texas

Yep, you can thank the preseason polls for being where you are now. Beating a now .500 Oklahoma is no reason to celebrate. A bipolar Mizzou awaits you.

4. Boise State

One more close call and you will drop like Balloon Boy's dad's credibility.

5. Cincinnati

With five of six "bankable" games left, only Pittsburgh is the question mark. Ask how that worked out for West Virginia. P.S. This might be a good time to approach Ohio State about dumping their cupcakes and putting you on the schedule.

6. Iowa

Finally, some respect. Only Ohio State looks to be a trouble spot. And the anti-Big Ten bias, of course.

7. USC

The loss to the Huskies hurt your rankings and the moral victory by Notre Dame killed your rankings. Go figure. It's the same story every year.

8. TCU

If you don't beat BYU by more than Florida State did (26 points), it's the Maaco Las Vegas Bowl or bust!

9. LSU

If you're going to tank it, tank it against the No. 1 team in the country. You could be the bad-boy spoilers and lose to Auburn this week, which would completely screw up Florida's SOS. Are you game?

10. Miami (FL)

The fact that you still have the (FL) after your name should remind you why your program is still not relevant in football nation. Yet.

11. Oregon

Here we go again, the Ducks are ranked high. Cue the kazoo-wearing fans to get obnoxious in Seattle when they play Washington this week. Eventually, they will lose. They're Ducks.

12. Georgia Tech

And here they thought that the Georgia Bulldogs would be their biggest game this year!

13. Penn State

Yup, we are wondering why you are ranked this highly, too. One marquee game against Iowa, and you lost. Obviously, this is a pity ranking.

14. Virginia Tech

Shhhhhh, Hokies fans. You are the highest-ranked two-loss team and your schedule is a cupcake after this week. Bow down to the Chick-fil-A Bowl.

15. Oklahoma State

That Houston loss is starting to become annoying, isn't it?

16. BYU

This is a temporary resting stop for the Cougs. TCU will make sure of it.

17. Houston

Yep, Oklahoma State is still ahead of you despite you beating them in head-to-head competition. Nobody believes you beat them. You did, right?

18. Utah

Be thankful. You don't deserve this ranking. You beat Utah State, San Jose State, Louisville, Colorado State, and UNLV, but lost to Oregon. Beat BYU or TCU, then we'll be impressed. Kind of.

19. Ohio State

Why are you here? Two big games, and lost 'em both.

20. Pitt

The good news is that the reason why you are still ranked is because the pollsters have more respect for the Big East than the ACC. The bad news is that you're still behind the Big Ten—see Ohio State's ranking for proof.

21. Wisconsin

Proof that, eventually, you can be ranked in spite of mediocrity. Beat Michigan State and Minnesota but lose to Ohio State and Iowa and you get a Top 25 ranking? Guess the Wofford and Northern Illinois wins put them over the top.

22. Arizona

Don't kid yourselves, Wildcats—you are only here because you got the shaft in the Washington game and your coach's last name is Stoops. One of the Stoops brothers has to be ranked, dammit.

23. West Virginia

We're not buying this either, guys.

24. South Carolina

The Cocks are still ranked because they made Alabama sweat. And they beat Kentucky, something Auburn couldn't do.

25. Kansas

This is simply a formality. The Jayhawks will be dumped next week when they lose to Oklahoma. Or, Texas Tech, Kansas State, Nebraska, Texas or Mizzou. Basketball starts in a few weeks.