Gulf Storms Finally Understood By Science: Texas Sucks and Florida Blows

I feel like I am doing a public service by writing this article every single week.  Basically I am rephrasing what I'm writing to really maintain the same, key message.

That message is pretty simple: Florida and Texas are not the best two teams in the country.

It is imperative that I continue to do extremely childish things like play with Microsoft Paint to help me illustrate (I'm sorry, but the play on words I am using right now is so damn funny that even I have to mention it) my point.

Here is the real problem:

Somewhere along the lines of the creation of unspoken rules within the BCS voting system, everyone decided that a team wouldn't be dropped from the top spots in the rankings unless they lost.  Usually that made sense because strength of schedule was pretty well balanced out and there was always some shifting from loss at the top anyway.

However recently it has become clear that a team who is ranked #1 or #2 in the AP preseason poll can play NO ONE and end up paddy-caking their way to the B-S National Championship game.  Not only can they play no one, but it is becoming more evident that they can look like complete crap playing bad teams, and still hold onto their ranking.

This gross miscarriage of justice won't be stopped until the good, law-abiding, non-Texas and non-Florida fans put their collective foot down.

This week things got even more out of hand when Texas amassed a whopping 90-some yards of first half offense against a 3-3 Sooners team and celebrated like they had just won the Superbowl after a 16-13 victory.

Yeah I get the importance of rivalry games so if you're going to use that argument on me just shut up and go read something else.  I'm not here to sugarcoat the reality for the sake of your fan-hood.

That reality is Texas beat a team that is now 3-3 and out of the top-25 by 3 points and they looked like they got lucky in the win.  In fact, I'm pretty surprised they were able to pull it off.  This team still looks bad.

To prove my point, I have put together a list of teams that I am certain would beat Texas 60% of the time on a neutral field: Alabama, Florida, Notre Dame, USC, Oregon, TCU, Iowa, Ohio State, Boise State, Virginia Tech (Yes I saw them lose, but they are still better than Texas), and Cincy.

You can also add to that list any other team ranked in the top 50 in college football that is not currently a member of the Big-12 bake sale conference.

Texas sucks.  There is no way around it; they just do.  Are they a top-5 team?  I guess they might be because it seems like college football in general is bad this year, but they are certainly not a top-2 team and I would really challenge someone for major statistical and analytical support in claiming they are a top 3 team.

I'm getting tired of making my case, which is nice, because every week Texas goes out and makes it for me.

I was a bit more surprised by Florida this week though.

I knew Florida wasn't a top-2 team, but after watching this last performance, I don't even believe they are a top-3 team.  Four or five seems like a much more reasonable ranking position for these guys after they janked a win off of Arkansas.

I don't care how die-hard you are as a Florida fan, there is no denying it now.  Your team is overrated.  There are two ways of looking at what happened against Arkansas:

1.  Arkansas defeated themselves by missing field goals and blowing performance at key times, meaning Florida was lucky and should have lost (which I believe is the case).

2.  Arkansas is really bad in which case their mistakes should have been expected.  Florida won because of those mistakes.  In this situation, FLORIDA BARELY SNUCK BY A BAD TEAM.

Do either of those scenarios sound like what you would expect out of one of the best two teams in the country?

No, it doesn't, which is why Florida isn't one of the best two teams in the country.

Florida and Texas were crowned by the AP before a single snap took place this season and they still haven't played anyone.  That is really nice for them.  Unfortunately for everyone else it is complete crap and we don't have to respect it.

Here is a rankings list that I compiled which actually takes into account who a team has played, how they have performed in those games, and is stair-stepped in order of who would be expected to win a game between the two competitors.  If you disagree with anything on my rankings list, think of this: would the team ranked higher than the previous team I just looked at be expected to win a contest between the two more than 50% of the time on a neutral field?

7. TCU

6. Texas (This is a mercy ranking for a terrible team.  Thank me with a postcard, Texas fans)

5. Iowa

4. Cincinnati

3. Florida (Again a mercy ranking)

2. USC

1. Alabama

Now before you try to tell me, "OMFG, BUT REID YOU LIKE RANKED USC @ 2 ROFL," USC is the most balanced team in the country right now and they have more talent (even though it is young) than anyone else.  They just beat the next Heisman winner in a rivalry game.

They beat Florida more than 50% of the time on a neutral field, no argument whatsoever.

Want me to be wrong?  Then write your congressman and demand a college football playoff.  That way you can shut me up by helping me get what a really want--a National Champion at the end of the year that no one can argue against.