NFL Report Cards: Team-by-Team Grades for Week 15
In this week's report cards:
• Kirk Cousins and Teddy Bridgewater prove that if you ain't throwing four touchdowns, then you just ain't trying.
• Odell Beckham Jr. turns into that brat in the mall whose parents can't control him.
• The Steelers figure out Brock Osweiler.
• The 49ers fail to figure out AJ McCarron, because they can barely figure out the 49ers.
• The Chargers and Rams throw what really felt like farewell parties.
• The last quarterback left standing in the AFC South turns out the lights on that division's dignity.
And much more!
Reminder, these are the report cards, not the power rankings. Each team starts each week with a blank slate. Year-to-date GPAs can be found on the final slide.
Arizona Cardinals: A
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This Week's Result: Cardinals 40, Eagles 17
Offense (A): David Johnson rushed for 187 yards and three touchdowns against a run defense that has been consistently solid for most of the year. Johnson also caught four passes for 42 yards, picking up the slack on an evening when Carson Palmer suffered a minor hand injury and the Eagles schemed to keep the Cardinals from beating their secondary deep.
Defense (A-): Another team effort, sparked by guys you have heard of (Deone Bucannon punctuated the rout with a pick-six; Tyrann Mathieu also picked off a pass before suffering an ACL tear) and guys you haven't (Markus Golden and Ed Stinson provided sacks).
Special Teams/Coaching (A): The Cardinals committed just one penalty. Bruce Arians and coordinator Harold Goodwin adjusted to what the Eagles were offering on defense and fed Johnson the ball. The Cardinals really stomped on the Eagles' throat late in the game. The only downside was the toll: losing Mathieu is a huge blow, and a little hand injury can turn into a big deal for a quarterback.
Looking Ahead: Cardinals-Packers? Now there's a Week 16 matchup to look forward to!
San Diego Chargers: A
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This Week's Result: Chargers 30, Dolphins 14
Offense (A): Dontrelle Inman (3-78-0) is apparently Jerry Rice now, with the most dangerous double move in the NFL. Antonio Gates (6-88-0) is 27 years old again. Danny Woodhead (four touchdowns) is Gale Sayers. Or maybe the Dolphins defense is just undisciplined and disinterested. It's probably the latter.
Defense (A): Melvin Ingram abused the left side of the Dolphins offensive line with two sacks and four hits on Ryan Tannehill. The Chargers held the Dolphins to just 21:07 of time of possession and mastered Miami's secret offensive formula: run on every first down and never let Tannehill throw deep.
Special Teams/Coaching (A): On behalf of the citizens of San Diego, the "report cards" staff would like to thank the Chargers for not going out like total punks if this indeed their last game in paradise.
Looking Ahead: The Chargers travel up the coast to Oakland on Christmas Eve to get to know their future roommates.
Seattle Seahawks: A-
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This Week's Result: Seahawks 30, Browns 13
Offense (A): Russell Wilson combined his newfound love of pocket passing (249 yards, three touchdowns) with his old-school appreciation of options and misdirection (46 rushing yards; one touchdown to Doug Baldwin was a nifty rollout pass). Wilson now has thrown 19 touchdowns and zero interceptions in his last five games. Christine Michael returned from NFC East exile to rush for 84 yards.
Defense (B+): Kam Chancellor's absence was noticeable whenever Duke Johnson Jr. got free on the second level after a handoff or screen or Gary Barnidge hauled in a touchdown or third-down conversion. The Browns didn't do much, but the Seahawks allowed early drives that kept them in the game.
Special Teams/Coaching (A-): A long kick return by someone named Raheem Mostert to set up a Browns drive mars an otherwise excellent effort in all three phases. Bringing Michael back and sticking him straight in the running back rotation was a smart, ego-free organizational move. Some coaching staffs would not have immediately activated a player they traded away a few months ago, or purposely limited his role, rather than "admit a mistake" or something.
Looking Ahead: Beware. The Rams are in full spoiler mode, which also happens to be their best mode.
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New England Patriots: A-
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This Week's Result: Patriots 33, Titans 16
Offense (A-): The Patriots coasted out to a lead, then concentrated on keeping everyone healthy and getting newcomers some game action before the playoffs. They were only partially successful on the first front, as Danny Amendola suffered a knee injury. (Defenders Dont'a Hightower and Patrick Chung were also hurt; Chung late in the game when the Titans were still lingering). They were more successful at integrating newer players, with Joey Iosefa pounding out 51 yards up the middle while James White (7-71-1) continued to play like a hybrid of Kevin Faulk and Wes Welker.
Defense (B+): Chandler Jones and Akiem Hicks combined for an early strip-sack touchdown to make it obvious there would be no shocking upsets in Foxborough on Sunday. There was just enough late-game sloppiness to keep Tom Brady from hitting the bench in the fourth quarter.
Special Teams/Coaching (B+): Keshawn Martin returned a kickoff 75 yards. Bill Belichick would have preferred a little less peskiness from the Titans in the fourth quarter.
Looking Ahead: A win over the Jets clinches home-field advantage for the playoffs.
Washington Redskins: A-
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This Week's Result: Redskins 35, Bills 25
Offense (A): Kirk Cousins (319 passing yards, four passing touchdowns, one rushing touchdown) continued his development as a decision-maker and touch passer.
Cousins led the Redskins to a 7-of-11 conversion rate on third downs, picking his shots downfield (most notably a 77-yard touchdown to DeSean Jackson) while finding Jordan Reed for seven catches and two touchdowns on seven targets. The Redskins rushed for 123 yards. It should be noted that the Bills played as if they slept until three minutes before kickoff.
Defense (B+): The front seven played another excellent all-around game, shutting the Bills' running attack down until the third quarter, engineering a goal-line stand when it still mattered and protecting a secondary that is still a body or two short. The Redskins are docked half a letter grade for letting up a little too early in the second half.
Special Teams/Coaching (A-): A muffed punt muffs the grade slightly. The Redskins still have real problems. No one would be talking about them if they played in a quality division. Still, it is fascinating to watch this team start to come together, especially while opponents like the Bills are falling completely apart on the other side of the field.
Looking Ahead: The Redskins can all but wrap up one of the strangest playoff chases in history on Saturday night in Philly.
Minnesota Vikings: B+
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This Week's Result: Vikings 38, Bears 17
Offense (B+): Adrian Peterson left the game before halftime with an ankle sprain and only appeared intermittently in the second half.
You know that kid in youth-league sports whose overbearing dad is always barking orders from the stands? You know how he freezes up whenever Dad is there, but suddenly has a good game when Dad is at a support-group meeting or something because he can play his own game without coping with scorn and criticism when he makes a mistake?
Teddy Bridgewater (four touchdown passes, just three incompletions) was like that youth-league kid without Peterson hovering over his shoulder.
Defense (B): Danielle Hunter and Brian Robison led a five-sack assault on Jay Cutler. The pass rush, and the efficient offense, protected a run defense and secondary that remains vulnerable without Linval Joseph, Harrison Smith and Anthony Barr.
Special Teams/Coaching (A): Blair Walsh kicked a 53-yard field goal. The Vikings were 4-of-4 on red-zone opportunities and 8-of-12 on third-down conversions. They committed just four penalties.
Looking Ahead: Maybe Peterson had an epiphany and will sled down the mountainside and return all of the offensive touches to the citizens of Whoville when the Vikings face the Giants.
Pittsburgh Steelers: B+
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This Week's Result: Steelers 34, Broncos 27
Offense (B+): Ben Roethlisberger had yet another mammoth game against a great defense: 40-of-55, 380 yards and three touchdowns on an afternoon when the running game provided zero support. Roethlisberger looked to Antonio Brown (16-189-2) whenever he was covered man-to-man by Chris Harris Jr.
If Brown was unavailable, Roethlisberger checked down to whoever nickel corner Bradley Roby was covering. Roethlisberger also threw a pair of interceptions, one of them an inexcusable blunder while trying to kill the clock late in the fourth quarter. Well, maybe it was excusable, because without Roethlisberger the Steelers would not have been in the game late in the fourth quarter, let alone trying to kill the clock.
Defense (B): The Steelers allowed Brock Osweiler to pick them apart for most of the first half. They figured out at halftime that Osweiler likes to throw fastballs in the 12- to 20-yard range between the numbers, so they began alternately cutting off his throwing lanes while baiting and jumping on digs and comeback routes.
The adjustment brought a Ryan Shazier interception and seven drives of four plays or fewer.
Special Teams/Coaching (A): Mike Tomlin's staff made adjustments on both sides of the ball and never let the game get out of hand, even when they trailed 27-10 against one of the NFL's best defenses.
Looking Ahead: Steelers 23, Ravens 20.
Kansas City Chiefs: B+
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This Week's Result: Chiefs 34, Ravens 14
Offense (C+): The recipe for Chiefs offense Christmas cookies:
- Four cups of Charcandrick West, finely sifted through a cheesecloth offensive line.
- Three cups of Jeremy Maclin.
- Six tablespoons of Travis Kelce.
- Four ounces (half a stick) of Alex Smith not doing anything stupid.
- Dashes of Albert Wilson, Jason Avant or anything else lying around the cupboard, for taste.
Blend until smooth and flavorless but somewhat nourishing.
Defense (A+): Chiefs offense Christmas cookies are best paired with at least two turnovers and one defensive touchdown.
Special Teams/Coaching (A): The Chiefs sniffed out a fake punt. Cairo Santos delivered a 53-yard field goal. The Ravens' only real highlight was a Hail Mary they completed despite themselves.
You know the drill: The Chiefs are winning without their key players because Andy Reid keeps them prepared, focused and playing within themselves while coordinator Bob Sutton unleashes defensive mayhem.
Looking Ahead: A Browns-Raiders homestand and a chance to vault all the way to third seed in the AFC playoffs if everything breaks just so.
St. Louis Rams: B+
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This Week's Result: Rams 31, Buccaneers 23
Offense (B): The Rams offense was more dynamic than it has been in months. That said, it was still recognizably the Rams offense.
Todd Gurley (21-48-1) got fed to the line, Tavon Austin (73 total yards, two touchdowns) scored on screens and running plays, and no one could convert a third down if the fate of democracy depended on it (2-of-10).
Jared Cook (4-64) and Kenny Britt (60-yard touchdown) got just involved enough to keep things from being too predictable. Case Keenum (14-of-17) had the kind of game that fools defense-oriented coaches into thinking he's the answer. Uh-oh.
Defense (B+): Aaron Donald was somehow held sackless, but he made sure Jameis Winston never had a clean pocket to throw from, adding three quarterback hits to two stuffs for losses.
Special Teams/Coaching (B+): Johnny Hekker is the Aaron Donald of punters. The Buccaneers started drives on the 4- and 2-yard lines thanks to Hekker.
Playing with a lead and great field position makes everything work better, particularly for the Rams: Keenum never had to attempt a pass he couldn't complete, and the defense enjoyed a week when it could be less than perfect for a quarter and not doom the team to defeat.
Looking Ahead: Two more years of Jeff Fisher? Ten more years of Jeff Fisher? Could Stan Kroenke or somebody at least wait until after the Seahawks game to decide if that's a good idea?
Carolina Panthers: B
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This Week's Result: Panthers 38, Giants 35
Offense (A-): Cam Newton (340 passing yards, five touchdowns, 100 rushing yards) made plays with his arm, legs and brain which were simply magnificent. He also got away with some dropped interceptions, took sacks he did not have to and lost a fumble on an option handoff near his own end zone in the fourth quarter.
Ted Ginn Jr. once again caught 66.7 percent of the touchdown passes he laid his granite hands upon. Cameron Artis-Payne (14 carries, 59 yards) ran well in relief of Jonathan Stewart.
Defense (B-): You probably know all about Josh Norman vs. Odell Beckham Jr. in the Extreme Knucklehead Wrestling Alliance title fight. Lost in the hoopla were Charles Tillman's game-changing forced fumble and touchdown-saving interception and 13 combined tackles from Kurt Coleman. The Panthers defense allowed too many big plays on lapses at the start and end of the game.
Special Teams/Coaching (C+): The Panthers appeared to get swept up in the chaos when the game got out of hand: a blocked field goal, the fumbled exchange, Rashad Jennings' easy rushing touchdown and so on.
It was encouraging to see Newton shift into all-business mode for the final drive. Ron Rivera must make sure that if the Panthers take a 35-7 lead in a playoff game, emotions and focus issues don't force Newton to shift into all-business mode for the final drive.
Looking Ahead: The Panthers' agenda, especially after the hits Newton has taken for the last two weeks, should read: a) beat Falcons; b) encase Cam in memory foam until the playoffs.
Green Bay Packers: B
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This Week's Result: Packers 30, Raiders 20
Offense (C): Aaron Rodgers danced around the pocket and completed just enough back-shoulder and sideline passes to James Jones (6-82-1) and others to keep the chains moving in the second half. James Starks (9-51-0) rumbled for 25 yards on a muddy field when the Packers desperately needed a big play late in the game. But the final score is misleading.
The Packers offense slept through most of the first half and made critical red-zone mistakes—a Rodgers interception, offensive pass interference to negate a touchdown—when they needed to salt the game away late.
Defense (A-): Interceptions gave the Packers a 14-0 lead. Fourth-down stops kept the Raiders from coming back late. The Packers didn't stop the run well and gave up 190 receiving yards to Amari Cooper and Michael Crabtree, so it's a good thing they spotted themselves a big lead and got some support from Mother Nature.
Special Teams/Coaching (C): The Raiders blocked a Mason Crosby field goal, though Crosby converted three others in tough conditions. The Packers were 1-of-5 on touchdown opportunities from the red zone. If the weather was clearer or the opponent more experienced, this would have been a loss.
Looking Ahead: Step up your game, Packers. The Cardinals are coming.
Atlanta Falcons: B
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This Week's Result: Falcons 23, Jaguars 17
Offense (B-): The Falcons weren't that much better offensively than they were during their six-game losing streak. Matt Ryan still sprayed a lot of incomplete passes. Devonta Freeman (25-56-1) carried 15 times for seven yards in the second half (that's not a misprint). Julio Jones (9-118-1) did all the heavy lifting.
The Falcons were just a little better in the red zone early in the game than they had been in weeks, and they were facing their weakest opponent since the 49ers.
Defense (B): Kemal Ishmael delivered a long interception return before halftime that represented at least a six-point swing in the score of a game that was decided by six points. Jaguars running backs (Denard Robinson, a college quarterback wearing a wide receiver's uniform) rushed for just 28 yards.
Special Teams/Coaching (A-): Shayne Graham kicked three field goals. The Falcons converted third downs well (7-of-14) and prevented conversions very well (0-of-8). Dan Quinn finally stopped a slide that had moved beyond ugly weeks ago.
Looking Ahead: The Falcons still have something to spoil—and could still climb back into the playoffs—when they host the Panthers.
Detroit Lions: B
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This Week's Result: Lions 35, Saints 27
Offense (A): The Lions may not be the most logical game-planners, but they knew how to baffle the Saints defense. If you get the ball to a back or receiver in space on a screen, Saints defenders will overpursue and take bad angles.
If you run a little misdirection, they will follow whoever does not have the ball. And if you run a little two-receiver rub, well, three or four defenders will crash straight into the guy obviously running interference.
Defense (C-): The Lions lacked a killer instinct when leading 28-3, allowing Drew Brees to pick them apart.
Special Teams/Coaching (B): Anyone can design a game-plan offense that humiliates the Saints defense, but give Jim Caldwell and Jim Bob Cooter credit for not overcomplicating things. Also, Calvin Johnson on the hands team for onside kicks (and the Hail Mary prevention squad) is a good idea, and not just because it gives him something to do (Johnson caught just one pass).
Looking Ahead: The Lions host the 49ers. Instead of a defense with no idea what it is doing, they face a team that doesn't want to do anything.
Houston Texans: B
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This Week's Result: Texans 16, Colts 10
Offense (C): The Texans offense doesn't look so bad when graded on the curve of replacing a third-string quarterback midgame with a fourth-stringer who spent the first half of the season on another team.
The Texans got the eye-dropper out and squeezed a few milliliters of offense from DeAndre Hopkins (8-94-0) and Alfred Blue (20-107-0), with a little help from a Colts defense prone to dumb penalties. Brandon Weeden (11 completions, one touchdown) just wins, baby, about once per year.
Defense (A): Benardrick McKinney produced a sack, two tackles for loss and seven total tackles. Whitney Mercilus provided a hit that nearly knocked Matt Hasselbeck straight into the broadcast booth. With J.J. Watt (four total tackles, one quarterback hit) dealing with a hand injury, the Texans got the performances they needed from other defenders.
Special Teams/Coaching (A): Nick Novak kicked three field goals. Bill O'Brien and his staff needed to call on an emergency-emergency quarterback in what amounted to a playoff game, and they manufactured enough on both sides of the ball to grind out a win.
Looking Ahead: The Titans and the Jaguars provide the Texans with an opportunity to pull away from the Colts and finish the season with a playoff berth and a respectable record, no matter who they have to throw on the field at quarterback.
Cincinnati Bengals: B-
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This Week's Result: Bengals 24, 49ers 14
Offense (C-): AJ McCarron threw three good passes and spent the rest of the afternoon dumping off screens or taking sacks. The three Bengals touchdown drives spanned a total of 67 yards. Giovani Bernard and Jeremy Hill combined for just 64 grueling yards on 33 carries as the Bengals protected McCarron with an arch-conservative game plan.
Defense (A): Geno Atkins (two sacks) dominated the middle of the line of scrimmage. The 49ers had 16 possessions, but 14 of them consisted of five players or fewer.
Special Teams/Coaching (B): The Bengals blocked a field goal and recovered an onside kick in a fourth quarter that was too close for comfort, considering the quality of the opponent. The conservative game plan was probably necessary, but if McCarron needs this many training wheels and buggy bumpers against the 49ers, next week's game is going to be ugly.
Looking Ahead: A backup quarterback revue in Denver on Monday night with major playoff seedings on the line.
New York Jets: C+
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This Week's Result: Jets 19, Cowboys 16
Offense (C): Ryan Fitzpatrick had one of those "clutch" games. That means he was ineffective against a poor defense for most of the evening, nearly fumbled on a quarterback sneak in the fourth quarter, then completed just enough passes to spark a comeback against a team the Jets never should have trailed.
Chris Ivory ran for just 37 yards on 13 carries and got stuffed on a fourth-down conversion. Bilal Powell (79 total yards) remains a focal point of the Jets offense for mysterious reasons. (In fairness, he is getting the job done.)
Defense (B+): Matt Cassel threw an early Christmas present directly to Darrelle Revis. Safeties had a grand time stepping in front of throws by Hermey the Elf (Kellen Moore). The Jets should have done a better job stuffing the run and taking away short passes against an opponent down to its fourth quarterback.
Special Teams/Coaching (C): Randy Bullock missed a field goal and an extra point. A penalty negated one of Bullock's successful field goals. The Jets were flat and sloppy for the first three quarters.
Looking Ahead: The Jets host the Patriots. Another performance like Saturday night's won't cut it.
Oakland Raiders: C
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This Week's Result: Packers 30, Raiders 20
Offense (C): Derek Carr threw a pair of ugly first-quarter interceptions, then settled down and played lights-out football for a half, then succumbed to a seasoned opponent and miserable weather conditions in the fourth quarter.
Latavius Murray (21-78-0) ran well early in the game, and Amari Cooper (6-120-2) came alive once Carr found his stroke. However, Carr's interceptions had already spotted the Packers 14 points.
Defense (C+): The pass rush kept Aaron Rodgers from getting comfortable in the pocket. The Packers could not run the ball for most of the evening. But there were too many lapses, like James Jones' wide-open touchdown, and too many blatant pass interference penalties in critical situations.
Special Teams/Coaching (C-): Some of those penalties can be attributed to the coaching staff, particularly a 12-men-on-the-field foul. The Raiders settled for two short field goals on a day where an extra touchdown might have made a difference.
Looking Ahead: The Raiders host the Chargers in Battle for Los Angeles II.
Jacksonville Jaguars: C-
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This Week's Result: Falcons 23, Jaguars 17
Offense (C-): Blake Bortles had a Blake Bortles day: 297 passing yards and a touchdown, 44 rushing yards and a touchdown, some fine throws, some mystifying ones, ill-timed sacks, a red-zone interception that turned the game around and what appeared to be one of his signature passes from a yard past the line of scrimmage (replays revealed that Bortles was just behind the line).
Denard Robinson filled in for injured T.J. Yeldon but rushed for just 28 yards and fumbled twice. The Jaguars were 0-of-8 on third downs.
Defense (C+): The Jaguars allowed two long first-half touchdown drives before stiffening. The Falcons are a notoriously poor red-zone team, so the Jaguars should have been able to force a field goal or two.
Special Teams/Coaching (C-): The Jaguars fought their way back into the game in the fourth quarter, then went flat. The coaching staff should have done more to spark the running game instead of letting Robinson run six times for five yards (with no other back getting a carry) in the second half. As a rule of thumb, someone whose uniform number is greater than 16 should carry the football at least once per game.
Looking Ahead: A two-game road down I-10 to New Orleans and Houston.
New York Giants: C-
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This Week's Result: Panthers 38, Giants 35
Offense (C+): Eli Manning threw four touchdowns to four different players. Rashad Jennings (16-107-1) has become a fourth-quarter big-play specialist, but he also fumbled early in the game.
While Manning's late-game interception can be laid partly at the feet of his linemen (Kawann Short got a piece of his arm) and Hakeem Nicks (stay on your feet, buddy), Manning led several second-quarter series that went nowhere fast.
Defense (D): The Giants lack the personnel to handle Cam Newton when he is in the zone. That said, they produced a handful of sacks and key stops when all heck broke loose in the fourth quarter.
Special Teams/Coaching (D): The blocked field goal was great, of course, and so was the comeback. Here's the thing: Odell Beckham Jr. acted like a four-year old both when he was playing poorly (he did everything short of biting Josh Norman on the leg and screaming) and playing well.
Tom Coughlin not only left Beckham in the game but let him return punts and try to block the final field goal. There was probably some reverse psychology at work (deputizing the crazy kid is an old teaching technique), but law-and-order Coughlin has to know that rewarding Beckham for cheap shots and tantrums can have a detrimental effect on team chemistry.
Players notice when one guy gets the double-deluxe superstar treatment. The Giants sacrificed a little credibility for that comeback, and they did not even come all the way back.
Looking Ahead: Beckham lined up his one-game suspension with a trip to Minnesota in December. So there's that.
Dallas Cowboys: C-
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This Week's Result: Jets 19, Cowboys 16
Offense (D): Matt Cassel played so poorly in the first quarter that the Cowboys turned to the elf on the shelf at quarterback. Kellen Moore threw three interceptions and led one touchdown drive that was mostly punt returns and defensive penalties, though he dinked and dunked just effectively enough to prove he is not much worse than Cassel or Brandon Weeden, despite the fact he looks like one of Jerry Jones' grandsons.
Defense (B): Demarcus Lawrence produced a sack and four tackles for a loss. Greg Hardy nearly won the game for the Cowboys with a late-game strip moments after Ryan Fitzpatrick's knee grazed the ground.
Special Teams/Coaching (C): Dan Bailey hit three field goals, including a 50-yarder that bounced through the uprights. Lucky Whitehead had a fine evening on returns. The Cowboys ran the ball well for most of a close game, so of course it was perfectly logical to give a fun-sized third-stringer 25 pass attempts against one of the NFL's most opportunistic secondaries.
Looking Ahead: A trip to Buffalo and a merciful end to the pretense that the Cowboys are stealth contenders.
Denver Broncos: C-
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This Week's Result: Steelers 34, Broncos 27
Offense (C): Brock Osweiler's game is predicated on play-faking to running backs and firing lasers into the gaps between the linebacker level and the safety level, give or take a complete defensive-assignment breakdown against Emmanuel Sanders.
So what happens when opponents don't respect the run threat and begin sitting in zones to jump pass routes over the middle? To find out, watch the second half of this game.
Defense (C): With two backup safeties in the lineup against a great receiving corps, the Broncos relied on Chris Harris Jr. to cover Antonio Brown one-on-one while Bradley Roby worked the slot. However, no one can consistently cover Brown one-on-one when Ben Roethlisberger is throwing to him, and Roby was no match for the Steelers' slot receivers.
Special Teams/Coaching (F): The Broncos seemingly lost a punt-return touchdown because offensive players wandered onto the field, thinking the play was whistled dead, just as Jordan Norwood picked up the ball and began racing for the end zone. However, a Steelers player stepped out of bounds while touching it, which a replay review would have confirmed.
The Broncos committed 12 penalties for 127 yards, with pass interference and roughness fouls aiding the Steelers on several drives. Mike Tomlin completely outcoached Gary Kubiak in the second half, when the Steelers stopped making their own mistakes and started exploiting the Broncos'.
Looking Ahead: The Broncos can't let this season get away from them. Their Bengals opponent is thinking the exact same thing.
New Orleans Saints: D+
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This Week's Result: Lions 35, Saints 27
Offense (B): Drew Brees shook off an early-game foot injury to keep the Saints in the contest despite the efforts of his own defense, passing the 60,000-yard milestone for career passing in the process. Brandin Cooks and Willie Snead combined for 20-200-1 against a defense which, admittedly, was in prevent mode for the entire second half.
Defense (D-): Watching Saints defenders react with awe and wonder to every screen pass they see is as charming as watching a baby stare at a shiny key chain.
Special Teams/Coaching (C): The Saints stayed in a game that looked over at halftime. The decision to go for a touchdown before halftime looked like the right call at the time; the Saints didn't look like they had any hope of catching the Lions with field goals.
As long as Dennis Allen's defense plays like it still has Rob Ryan's voice ringing in its ears, the Saints cannot score higher than a C for coaching.
Looking Ahead: Saints-Jaguars will be both meaningless and wild.
Chicago Bears: D+
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This Week's Result: Vikings 38, Bears 17
Offense (C): The Bears offense produced between 15 and 21 points for the fifth straight game. Jay Cutler distributed the ball to nine different players but was sacked five times.
Defense (D): The Vikings' passing game consists of about 80 percent shallow crossing routes. Everyone knows what's coming. Shallow crosses are hard to break up, but if everyone sits in a zone, defenders can tackle receivers for insignificant gains.
The Vikings scored 38 points on shallow crosses and their cousins (screens, sideline dig routes). This does not reflect smart or aggressive play by the Bears defense.
Special Teams/Coaching (D): The Bears have lost three straight games, but this was the first time they looked like they were playing just hard enough to keep the score close.
Looking Ahead: The Bears visit Lovie Smith and discover that neither he nor they have really changed all that much.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: D+
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This Week's Result: Rams 31, Buccaneers 23
Offense (D+): The Buccaneers offensive line had no answers for the Rams defensive line, and Jameis Winston paid the price with just 49 first-half passing yards. Winston could never step up in the pocket and began rushing off-target throws.
He settled down when the Rams held a big second-half lead, connecting with Mike Evans for 9-157-0 after the pair misfired for much of the first half. But you can really tell when Vincent Jackson is unavailable; he's Winston's security blanket when things get rough.
Defense (D): The Buccaneers really, really need a jolt of athleticism in the secondary.
Special Teams/Coaching (D): We all know that Lovie Smith's favorite ice cream flavor is vanilla and his favorite pizza topping is cheese. But the Buccaneers might want to add a wrinkle now and then.
The Rams would be the perfect team to sprinkle in a little zone blitzing against, and perhaps an end-around or read-option or two might take the pressure off Winston when the Buccaneers are losing the line-of-scrimmage battle.
Smith gets docked extra ultra-conservative points this week for surrendering at the two-minute warning before halftime: Try that against the Patriots, and they will somehow hang 14 more points on you.
Looking Ahead: Bears vs. Buccaneers. Pride vs. draft-order pragmatism.
Tennessee Titans: D+
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This Week's Result: Patriots 33, Titans 16
Offense (D): Marcus Mariota suffered an early knee injury. Zach Mettenberger entered the game and busied himself mixing two interceptions with his patented laser-like fastballs and a pair of touchdowns to Delanie Walker.
Mettenberger isn't great, but you always know he is out there. The Titans averaged just 2.8 yards per rushing attempt, and Antonio Andrews missed the block that got Mariota injured.
Defense (D): Jurrell Casey and Karl Klug each recorded a sack. The Titans defense produced a few stops. It always looked like the Patriots could easily slip into another gear if the Titans ever pulled within seven but were playing conservatively on offense to prevent exposing Tom Brady from unnecessary hits.
Special Teams/Coaching (B): This would normally be a "D" or so, but Mike Mularkey earned a two-letter-grade curve for keeping Mariota on the sideline despite an injury which wasn't considered serious at the time. There were reports Mariota would be out for the season with an MCL sprain in his left knee, but Mularkey said Mariota will be re-evaluated before next week's regular-season finale, per Jason Wolf of the Tennessean.
Instead of trying to prove something by pursuing an upset that would only hurt the Titans' draft position, Mularkey protected the most important asset of a franchise that will almost certainly fire him in two weeks. Hooray for seeing the forest from the trees!
Looking Ahead: Texans vs. Titans. The first-place Texans. The first-place, Brandon Weeden-led Texans. What a division.
Indianapolis Colts: D+
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This Week's Result: Texans 16, Colts 10
Offense (D): Matt Hasselbeck may have taken more punishment in the last two weeks than he took in 10 years as a starter for the Seahawks.
Hasselbeck (17-of-30, 147, one touchdown, one interception) ran out of tricks after two short scoring drives and was in full chuck-and-duck mode after briefly leaving the game after a wicked hit. Donte Moncrief (5-51-1) provided the only touchdown and the only offensive play longer than 20 yards.
Defense (B): Vontae Davis intercepted T.J. Yates, and the Colts generated pass rush consistently throughout the game. Remember that they were facing third- and fourth-string quarterbacks, however. One interception and three sacks, with a pair of long second-half scoring drives allowed, aren't all that impressive given the circumstances.
Special Teams/Coaching (D): Quan Bray set up a score with a long punt return. As usual, Tom McMahon's kicking units held up their end of the bargain when not asked to execute nutty fakes. Hasselbeck should never have been in the game in the first place; even before Whitney Mercilus nearly decapitated him, Hasselbeck was rushing throws to random spots on the field.
Looking Ahead: Andrew Luck won't be back to face the Dolphins, per Chris Wesseling of NFL.com. We feel your pain, Hasselbeck.
Philadelphia Eagles: D
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This Week's Result: Cardinals 40, Eagles 17
Offense (D): Sam Bradford sprinkled big plays, including a 78-yard touchdown pass to Jordan Matthews, among two interceptions and a fumble. Zach Ertz and Matthews each dropped passes, adding to the offensive inconsistency.
Ryan Mathews rushed 11 times for 58 yards but lost a fumble and got stuffed on a fourth-down conversion near the goal line. DeMarco Murray carried the ball twice on eight offensive snaps. Murray will spend Thursday night sitting next to Santa in the sleigh and ear-holing him about carries.
Defense (C): The Cardinals rushed for 230 yards, 140 of them in the first half when the game was still close.
Special Teams/Coaching (F): The Thanksgiving Eagles are back; Redskins fans rejoice! The Eagles played well enough to hang around until just before halftime, when Mathews' fourth-down stuff sucked the life from them.
The biggest indictment of Chip Kelly this season (besides the predictability of his offense, his mishandling of Murray and so on) may be his inability to generate any momentum behind the Eagles' brief surges of competence before delivering an ugly pratfall of a game.
Looking Ahead: The Redskins can take control of the NFC East (for what it's worth) on Saturday night.
Cleveland Browns: D
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This Week's Result: Seahawks 30, Browns 13
Offense (D): If you strung together all of the Browns' opening drives from this season, you would swear you were watching the Bill Walsh 49ers. As usual, the opening script was brilliant, with Johnny Manziel rolling around the field and spraying passes to Duke Johnson Jr. (85 total yards) and Gary Barnidge (3-29-1).
By midway through the second quarter, however, it was clear that Johnson and Barnidge were the only players the Seahawks had any reason to worry about, and they aren't all that worrisome. Terrelle Pryor was targeted twice but failed to catch a pass. Johnny Manziel to Terrelle Pryor: Did you ever think that combination would be so anticlimactic?
Defense (D-): It's pretty bad when you cannot even mount a decent pass rush against the Seahawks. One of the Browns' two sacks came on a busted play. The secondary didn't stand a chance, of course, when Russell Wilson had time to throw.
Special Teams/Coaching (C): Coordinator John DeFilippo designs all those opening drives. He deserves a chance to work with Marcus Mariota or Cam Newton or someone. Free John DeFilippo!
Raheem Mostert returned a kickoff 53 yards. On a team with Johnson, Travis Benjamin, Andrew Hawkins and Taylor Gabriel, Mostert is the kickoff returner. If it ever came down to a kick-and-punt return competition, the Browns would win the Super Bowl.
Looking Ahead: The Browns provide more grist for the Chiefs' playoff mill.
San Francisco 49ers: D
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This Week's Result: Bengals 24, 49ers 14
Offense (D-): The 49ers' 2015 highlight reel should consist entirely of six-yard screen passes on 3rd-and-19.
Defense (B): The defense kept the offense in the game with fourth-down stops and second-half sacks. But there is only so much you can do when you punt seven times and turn the ball over twice in your own territory.
Special Teams/Coaching (F): Bradley Pinion shanked a punt. A Phil Dawson field goal was blocked. The 49ers committed 11 penalties.
They faced a backup quarterback, at home, in a game that was still a scoreless tie after the first quarter, yet the 49ers couldn't muster a decent effort on offense until they spotted the Bengals a 24-point lead. That's yet one more reflection on the coaching staff's lack of...anything, really.
Looking Ahead: Witty comment about upcoming Lions and Rams games cancelled due to lack of interest.
Buffalo Bills: D-
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This Week's Result: Redskins 35, Bills 25
Offense (D): Just about everything worthwhile the Bills offense accomplished came after the Redskins built a 28-3 lead. A goal-line stand before halftime made the late comeback bid irrelevant.
Defense (F): When Kirk Cousins tucks the ball under his arm and rumbles 13 yards through your defense for a touchdown like a cross between Cam Newton and Eric Dickerson, it's time to start feeling around on some defenders' wrists for a pulse.
Special Teams/Coaching (F): If you judge a coaching staff by how its team plays when there is little to play for—no playoffs, no silly grudges—then Rex Ryan and his staff will always flunk.
Games like these matter when you are trying to establish a program and set a tone for next year; however, Ryan has been setting the same tone for several years. Also, what's up with the EJ Manuel Wildcat plays? Let's replace our mobile quarterback on this play with...a less mobile quarterback!
Looking Ahead: Cowboys vs. Bills. We won't be motivated to watch. Will either team be motivated to play?
Baltimore Ravens: D-
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This Week's Result: Chiefs 34, Ravens 14
Offense (F): The Hail Mary was kinda cool, if you like underthrown balls that land in the laps of receivers who were expecting to do something else.
Defense (D+): Look, folks, life is too short to think too hard about what the Ravens are doing at this point in the season.
Special Teams/Coaching (D): The fake-punt attempt was cuckoo bananas.
Can we talk about those uniforms? The Ravens looked like a bunch of guys who fell off a Mardi Gras float, passed out in a French Quarter gutter for eight hours, then tried to dust themselves off and go to work in their costumes. It would almost be forgivable if Baltimore had anything at all to do with Mardi Gras.
Looking Ahead: Steelers 23, Ravens 20.
Miami Dolphins: F
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This Week's Result: Chargers 30, Dolphins 14
Offense (F): Left guard Dallas Thomas and replacement left tackle Ulrick John have apparently never seen a defensive stunt before.
Defense (F): No one in the Dolphins secondary has ever seen a double move before. Or a running back lined up as a wide receiver. Or protected the ball while returning an interception.
Special Teams/Coaching (F): The Dolphins quit so badly that they let the Chargers run right down their throats for 140 yards. Who could have seen that coming when Dan Campbell instituted the midseason okie drill and began blaring Metallica at practices? Oh yeah, anyone with an ounce of sense.
Looking Ahead: Colts vs. Dolphins. Chuck Pagano likes to say that "they can fire you, but they cannot eat you." DON'T GIVE DAN CAMPBELL ANY IDEAS, CHUCK.
Year-to-Date GPAs
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Here are the year-to-date GPAs for all 32 NFL teams.
You know how GPAs work: An "A" is worth 4.0, a "B" is worth "3.0" and the 0.0 you earned for those "F's" in freshman year had you singing "I'll Be Home for Christmas."
1. Carolina Panthers: 3.42
2. New England Patriots: 3.34
3. Cincinnati Bengals: 3.23
4. Arizona Cardinals: 3.08
5. Green Bay Packers: 2.84
6. Kansas City Chiefs: 2.82
7. Seattle Seahawks: 2.80
8. Denver Broncos: 2.73
9. Pittsburgh Steelers: 2.72
10. New York Jets: 2.59
11. Minnesota Vikings: 2.54
12. Washington Redskins: 2.41
13. New York Giants: 2.39
14. Oakland Raiders: 2.38
15. Chicago Bears: 2.24
16. Atlanta Falcons: 2.19
17. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: 2.19
18. Detroit Lions: 2.17
19. Houston Texans: 2.09
20. Buffalo Bills: 2.09
21. Jacksonville Jaguars: 1.89
22. New Orleans Saints: 1.89
23. Philadelphia Eagles: 1.85
24. St. Louis Rams 1.80
25. Indianapolis Colts: 1.77
26. San Diego Chargers: 1.76
27. Cleveland Browns: 1.75
28. Baltimore Ravens: 1.73
29. Miami Dolphins: 1.70
30. Tennessee Titans: 1.66
31. San Francisco 49ers: 1.63
32. Dallas Cowboys: 1.57
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