What If Twitter Existed When Michael Jordan First Retired?
It happened on March 18, 1995, via a faxed press release, the body of which contained two simple words that would change the NBA forever: "I'm back."
Just like that, Michael Jordan was an NBA player again after a near-two-year hiatus. But for all of his superhuman abilities, the immediate aftermath of that day pales in comparison to the chaos that could have unfurled.
What if the breaking-news cycle then was more like it is now? What if Jordan had been able to announce the end of his first retirement not by fax or email, but by Twitter?
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Our mission: travel back in time and treat Jordan's first return as if social media had already monopolized the flow of information. We'll embrace all that was 1995, including the haze of a Apple Macintosh LC 580 computer screen.
The Return
Not one for delegating his own responsibilities, Jordan announced his own career reboot Saturday, statistically breaking Twitter in the process:
Your thoughts, Craig Ehlo?
Needless to say, the Chicago Bulls are both excited and full of themselves:
Hakeem Olajuwon, for the record, doesn't take kindly to snarky confidence:
You know it's a special occasion when Bulls head coach Phil Jackson tweets without substituting "g" for "k" every opportunity he gets:
Warner Bros. Entertainment wasted little time in tweeting cryptic-but-not-really-cryptic instructions to His Airness:
NBC's Ahmad Rashad paid tribute to the prodigal son's return with something of a "#ThrowbackThursday" post...even though it's Saturday:
Some 16-year-old high school kid by the name of Kobe Bryant thrust himself into the conversation:
Dude better hope his verified account eventually gets him more followers.
Scottie Pippen gave us all a chuckle; he might have even assured himself of a locker room towel-whipping doled out by Jordan himself:
President Bill Clinton, meanwhile, used this opportunity to showcase the strength of his Twitter game:
Pete Meyers, Chicago's starting shooting guard, strayed from the run-of-the-mill greetings:
Resident hot-and-cold Chicago sports fan John Cusack expressed his feelings in Say Anything parlance, because of course he did:
Doesn't Mr. Cusack realize these Say Anything whatchmacallits will never, ever catch on?
Fanbois and Fangurls, Ahoy!
You might say Jordan unretiring has left some folks with that winning feeling (sorry):
OK, so, we're all in agreement this Margaret lady is tweeting under an assumed last name, right?
Phew. For a minute it looked like MJ's tongue wouldn't weigh in. But it eventually did:
On a totally unrelated note, it seems March 1995 will go down as the month real logic that is real took a substantive hit:
I, presumably along with Bill Russell, am going to take the under. What say you?
P.S. Hakeem Doesn't Mess Around
Oh, by the way, if you fast forward a few months into the future, you'll see that the Bulls were indeed bounced from the second round, and that Olajuwon knows a promise is a promise:
Good on you, Dr34m Machine. Good on you.
Dan Favale covers the NBA for Bleacher Report. Follow him on Twitter, @danfavale.
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