The 10 Most Cringe NBA Draft Day Suits of All Time
The NBA draft is proof that you actually do get a second chance to make a first impression.
If the players we're about to feature had been forever judged by their choice of suits on draft night, many of them might have been asked to leave the league before they even started their careers.
Yeah, some of these outfits were that bad.
Taste in fashion is subjective, but it seems fair to say that all of our inclusions here are closer to catastrophe than couture.
Drew Gooden Runs Afoul of Big Button
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Drew Gooden played for 10 teams in 14 years, and you might assume he bounced around so much because he wasn't quite good enough to find a permanent home. Do you know how naive you sound?
Open your eyes! His inability to stick with any team for more than four seasons was obviously the work of Big Button (you know, like Big Pharma or Big Oil). With unthinkably deep pockets and a level of political influence you can't imagine, Big Button has been controlling things behind the scenes for centuries.
If that sounds far-fetched, look at your clothes right now. I guarantee you will find at least one button somewhere. Everybody has always needed buttons. Things quite literally come apart without them. That's how Big Button, over generations, has built a powerful shadow empire of influence directed mostly at making sure everyone continues to celebrate their product.
So when Gooden wore this buttonless suit at the 2002 NBA draft, he made himself a powerful enemy.
Over and over, teams would acquire Gooden, appreciating his reliable double-digit scoring and career average of 7.1 rebounds per game. But when financing mysteriously dried up, team investors pulled out and ownership groups received veiled threats to "dump the button-hater," it was just a matter of time before he was on his way out of town.
Stay buttoned, people. Resistance is too dangerous.
Bonzi Wells Buttons Up
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Most pictures don't have the right aspect ratio to capture the full image, but Bonzi Wells made up for Gooden's lack of buttons—and then some.
Cautious estimates put the button count at seven, roughly three-and-a-half times the normal allotment in Western two-button-suit society. Did Big Button make Wells an offer he couldn't refuse? Was he strong-armed into wearing a jacket that probably steps over the line into "trenchcoat?"
This is a classic example of Big Button's reach and influence. You know Wells didn't want to wear this in 1998. Gooden's Rebellion, which is what the history books will call it, was still four years away. Bonzi was powerless to resist.
Trae Young Decides Shorts are Pants Now
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A brief defense of shorts:
Shorts are almost always superior to pants. If you're wearing shorts, it's highly likely you're having a better time than you would be if your legs were entirely covered. Odds are, the weather is pleasant, or you're playing a sport with friends who are also wearing shorts. There's also a good chance you're doing something casually, which is a better alternative to behaving seriously or formally.
We're all on the same page here, yes? "Shorts: Like pants, but better."
Except if you're wearing shorts with what is otherwise a standard suit. In that scenario, your shorts are, at best, out of place. At worst, they make you look like you escaped from an all-boys boarding school in the 1780s. Where are your frilly cuffs and buckled shoes, you dandy little fellow?
The exception to the exception: You can wear shorts as part of a suit if you’re AC/DC's Angus Young. But you have to do that little duck walk while shredding on the guitar while you're wearing them, or the whole thing falls apart.
Trae Young did not have a guitar, which means we can only conclude he's on the run from Our Lady of St. Andrew's Repository for Foppish Youth.
Your Friendly Neighborhood Bol Bol
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Look, the sleeves on any suit Bol Bol could have worn were going to conjure images of one of those inflatable car-wash things. He has a 7'8" wingspan. It’s unavoidable.
However, the tapering of the sleeves here, along with the waist-high cut of the jacket (double-breasted because why not?), makes it seem almost intentional.
A turtleneck is involved and we have somehow gone this far without mentioning that the unifying theme here seems to be "Bedazzled Spiderman."
That glittering web accent on the jacket is the whole look's defining feature and, admittedly, a great way to stay safe while jogging at night.
Bol explained that the suit was designed by rapper Young Thug and cost $100,000. I would pay a lot of money (though definitely not 100K) to learn what Bol's new teammate at the time, Nikola Jokić, thought of the whole thing.
Are We Sure This is Amar'e Stoudemire?
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A lot of people think all the high school superstars of the early 2000s were making money from shoe companies and pseudo-agents.
Remember when LeBron James suddenly showed up to St. Vincent-St.Mary's driving a hummer and everyone wondered how he possibly could have afforded it? It seems quaint now, but it was a whole thing back then.
That's all to say "kudos" to Amar'e Stoudemire, a high school product who went ninth in the 2002 draft, for not falling into that trap of dark money and lavish gifts. This suit clearly isn't new; it's one he's had since he and his friends pooled their money to buy it in fourth grade.
They used it to conceal themselves as they sat on each other's shoulders to get into an R-rated movie.
In fact, you can’t prove to me this picture of Stoudemire from draft night isn't actually three kids stacked on top of one another. Why else would the suit jacket be that long?
Darius Garland in Lounge Mode
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When does a suit jacket stop being a suit jacket and start being a robe? When Darius Garland wears it to the 2019 draft, apparently. Oh, and also when it has a literal fabric belt built into it exactly like a robe would.
Yes, joggers are the new slacks, and we've all collectively agreed that ultra-formal workwear is dying. But Garland is dressed to groggily open his front door to get the newspaper, not shake Adam Silver's hand at the dawn of his professional career.
The suede boots don't make any sense in this context, either. From the ankle up, Garland looks like he's going to get his rug back (the one that tied the room together) from some nihilists. Ankle down: high-fashion cowboy.
LeBron James and the Fabric Excess of 2003
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LeBron James stands out because he went with the white-on-white-on-white color(less) palette, but he's right in step with the rest of the 2003 draft class in its complete disregard for the scarcity of high-end textiles.
"We got enough fabric on these suits to clothe the entire country," Dwyane Wade told Business Insider years later.
Potential positives: These suits could function as parachutes, reducing damage in the event of a fall. The legs are long and billowy enough to drag behind you when you walk, covering your tracks and helping you evade detection in a Hunger Games scenario. Also lots of room for buttons. Just saying...
Wade also noted his class' choices "did not represent fashion and style," which isn't exactly right. Everybody thought a suit that seemed like it had been borrowed from a much larger uncle was a good look at the time. The early 2000s have a lot to answer for.
Paolo Banchero Goes Full Purple
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None of this would be an issue if the Minnesota Timberwolves had traded up to No. 1 and drafted Paolo Banchero in 2021.
His purple suit would have been celebrated as an homage to Prince, a Minnesota legend and no stranger to bedazzled getup very much like what Paolo sported at the draft.
Banchero explained he chose the color as an "I'm sorry" for his parents, both of whom wished he had gone to the University of Washington like they did. Fair enough, but what about the rhinestones? Did Paolo also disappoint by not going into the family jewelry business?
If you're using clothing as an apology, at least be consistent.
This is a look you can't really water down or simplify, but Banchero probably could have gone further. A top hat and a whip, and you've got a very jazzy lion tamer. Add a green tie or vest, and you've got the Joker. Missed opportunities on both fronts.
Gradey Dick in the Land of Oz
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The 2023 draft class really got after it fashion-wise, as evidenced by the fact that Scoot Henderson’s jacket would have been a bold choice for Timothee Chalamet at the Met Gala. Victor Wembanyama landed on "somehow looks like Trinity and Neo from The Matrix," and even that wasn't the boldest look of the evening.
That honor goes to Toronto Raptors draftee Gradey Dick, whose Kansas lineage inspired him to cosplay as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz’s ruby slippers. Which, OK, but can clothes just be clothes? Do they need backstories?
Maybe the Dorothy thing was for the best. It would have been stranger if he'd explained he had always been inspired by the member of Color Me Badd who got kicked out of the group for wearing crazy outfits. Or if Dick had expressed a desire to someday be a valet at Versailles.
Just practically speaking, you know that jacket is going to chafe. And the turtleneck made of the same flip-shirt material cannot possibly be comfortable. This might even be a safety issue. Neckwear should not appear sharp or metallic.
Keyonte George and the Inscrutable Pattern
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Shai Gilgeous-Alexander got close, and plenty of others have dabbled with magic-eye-adjacent patterns in their ensembles. But Keyonte George's 2023 look warrants another nominee from that draft class.
It's difficult to discern what's happening here. Is this a feathered print? Is it supposed to be scales? Are we way off by guessing in the animal-kingdom realm and should instead be seeing a nod to Kanagawa's "The Great Wave?"
George didn’t stop with the inscrutable suit design. He also added a shiny maroon shirt with only one visible button, ditched the tie and topped the whole thing off with a pearl necklace. Actually, those aren't even regular pearls. They've been bedazzled.
This is one of those instances where the whole outfit feels so layered and unusual that it might have circled all the way around past bad and made its way back to good. Fashion can be tricky that way.
