No More Stories About Iowa Hawkeye Tony Moeaki

Here are some interesting facts about Tony Moeaki:

His parents were born and raised on the Island of Tonga. 

He is Mormon and almost attended BYU instead of Iowa. 

He is a former high school All-American out of Illinois. 

He was part of the infamous Iowa recruiting class of 2005, one of five true freshmen to play in 2005.

His 19-yard TD catch against Iowa State in 2006 marked his first career touchdown.

He dislocated his elbow and broke his hand in 2007 (granted medical red-shirt for 2007 season). 

He broke his left foot in 2008. 

He has yet to catch more than 14 passes during a season.

I gathered the facts above from the plethora of stories and blog posts on Tony Moeaki (several of those are listed and linked on full blog post).  In that three months time, I have noticed an increasingly popular trend among those who write about Moeaki.  Let's see if you can notice the pattern, too.

"When healthy..." 

"He’s battled injuries..."

"...a laundry list of injuries throughout his Iowa playing career..."

"Moeaki has battled a number of injuries over the past two seasons..."

"Hopefully we can keep him healthy..."

"...wants Moeaki to stay healthy..."

"Tony Moeaki Gets Interviewed, Breaks Finger"

For the love of anything people, can we please stop writing stories about Tony Moeaki's injury-plagued career?  I am not normally a superstitious person, but if we keep talking about it, we are most assuredly headed for what is known as a self-fulfilling prophecy.  We are going to jinx the poor bastard into the Joe Theismann of all injuries.

Look, I have already cut off the heads of three chickens, did a rain dance every weeknight this past summer, and bathed his jersey in goat's milk for a week to try and lift the curse off Tony's head.  But if Hawkeye Nation continually keeps talking about it, we are going to karmic-ally push the kid into an injury where his leg snaps off.

I am not immune to this criticism, obviously.  Here I am, not taking my own advice and being a huge hypocrite by writing a story with the sole purpose of discussing Tony Moeaki and his weak bone structure.  Regardless, I have realized the error in my ways, and will do my part from here on out.

After the submit button is hit on this post, Tony Moeaki's name will not appear in any of my new stories on this site until the end of the season.  From this post forth, he will be known only as...Calcium Deficiency.

There, I have said my peace.

This article is also featured on IowaHawkeyes.Net, a blog dedicated to all that is Hawkeye.