How to Pick Your Adopted 2015 NBA Playoff Team
Even in an era when fans are forgiving of loss-fueled long-term rebuilding plans, it still stings a little when your favorite NBA squad officially falls short of the postseason.
Knowing a lottery berth is part of a larger scheme doesn't make it any easier to sit through two months of playoff basketball with no rooting interest.
Instead of dwelling on disappointment, why not view the elimination of your favorite team as an opportunity?
Think of it this way: Now's your chance to adopt a squad you want to support because you objectively like how it plays, what it stands for or who's wearing its jerseys. Not to point out the silliness of fandom, but doesn't it make more sense to support a team you actually appreciate than it does to root for the one you happened to be born into following?
Besides, what else are you going to do this spring? Spend time with your family? Read a book? Learn a language?
Here are some key questions to help you pick your adopted 2014-15 playoff team.
Do you root for the gazelle to get away from the lion on nature shows?
If the answer is yes, then the New Orleans Pelicans are for you.
Even if you haven't rooted for Stephen Curry and the Golden State Warriors this season, you're aware they've been on a hugely successful mission to destroy opponents, acceptable shooting-range norms and the myth that defensively dominant teams can't also score at a terrifying clip.
The Warriors have been termed a wrecking crew plenty of times, but that descriptor falls a little flat.
First of all, they're more of a natural disaster—typhoon, tsunami, whatever—than a crew.
And they don't wreck opponents. They Hulk-smash them into dust.
If you throw in with the Pelicans, you'll get Anthony Davis in all his stat-stuffing, youthful glory. And you'll get to watch as he cuts his playoff teeth against a seemingly unbeatable foe, according to ESPN Stats & Info:
It'll be fun (and also a little messy) for as long as it lasts. And if the Pelicans somehow pull off the biggest first-round upset in NBA postseason history, you'll be glad you signed up when you did.
Do you like it when offenses make sense?
If systems (not stars) are what you're after, you've got two great options in the San Antonio Spurs and their primary imitators, the Atlanta Hawks.
It's wrong to say there's a lack of individual talent on these teams. Tim Duncan might be one of the five greatest players in league history, Kawhi Leonard is the most terrifying defender stalking the hardwood, and Kyle Korver shoots the ball—an important basketball skill, you see—better than anybody.
The trick for these teams, though, is the way they've taken individual talent and integrated it into a system that relies more on collective smarts, timing, unselfishness and execution than any one player's singular ability.
If you've just spent a season watching nonsensical, disjointed offense (hi there, fans of the Los Angeles Lakers, Minnesota Timberwolves and Charlotte Hornets) or you've been subjected to the outdated, ineffective triangle offense by the New York Knicks, these teams are for you.
Marvel at the spacing. Gawk at the ease with which ball movement turns good looks into great ones. Enjoy modern NBA offense built on players working together intelligently.
Treat yourself to some system ball.
Do you find participation trophies insulting?
Then sign on with the team most likely to collect the only meaningful award in June: the Warriors.
Sure, Odds Shark has the Cleveland Cavaliers as the betting favorites to take home the Larry O'Brien Trophy this season. But the Dubs have history in their corner.
Golden State finished its 2014-15 campaign with the eighth-largest average margin of victory (MOV) in NBA history, per Basketball-Reference.com. Six of the seven teams ahead of them won rings, and the only one that didn't, the 1971-72 Milwaukee Bucks, lost in the NBA Finals to the Los Angeles Lakers, who set the all-time record with a plus-12.28 MOV that season.
Also note that casting your lot with the Warriors this postseason will almost certainly result in excessive, joyful giggling when Stephen Curry inevitably does something like this:
Incredible highlights from a superstar and an inside track for a championship?
If you struggled through a season in which minor progress and the marginal growth of young players served as "hey, good for you, champ" highlights, you could do a lot worse than jumping in with the Warriors.
Orlando Magic and Utah Jazz fans should give this team a long look.
Do you believe sick days are for the weak?
It's hard to remember a time when the first paragraph in almost every story about the Chicago Bulls didn't include discussion of the team's injury issues.
Adopting a team defined principally by its health record is risky, and the danger extends well past Derrick Rose, who is slowly working himself back into form after surgery to remove a torn meniscus in February. There's also Joakim Noah, Jimmy Butler and Taj Gibson, all of whom have lost time and/or seen performance dips this season because of injury.
"We didn't want it to linger into a couple more days," Rose told reporters after sitting out the second half of the Bulls' season finale with a sore knee, per Cody Westerlund of CBS Chicago. "I wasn't worried. It's something I've felt before in the past with (Team) USA (last summer). I feel good, I feel good."
Excuse us for being a little more worried than Rose.
Here's the thing, though: If you love the tough-guy-perseveres angle, the Bulls are perfect.
Because, invariably, stories that catalogue the Bulls' myriad maladies also include head coach Tom Thibodeau giving some version of the "we have enough" mantra he poignantly offered in the 2013 postseason.
At the moment, the Bulls are healthier than they've been in a long time. So in addition to fans looking for some serious no-excuses basketball, anyone looking for a dark-horse contender might want to consider Chicago as well.
If you suffered through a devastatingly injury-riddled season in support of the Miami Heat, the Bulls would be a nice fit.
Wanna see something cool?
Let's say you're a devoted Indiana Pacers fan who appreciates good defense but would like to see it played with a little more flair. Indy, which won't be involved in the postseason, is a boa constrictor, crushing the life out of opponents over a 48-minute span with brute strength and patience.
The Milwaukee Bucks do it differently.
They're more like a giant squid: rangy, unpredictable and all arms.
The Bucks and Warriors are the two switch-happiest defenses in the NBA, but the freaky length of Michael Carter-Williams and Giannis Antetokounmpo make Milwaukee the more intriguing watch. The Bucks defense isn't as good as the Warriors', but in a lot of ways, it's more entertaining.
Assistant coach Sean Sweeney is the defensive architect in Milwaukee, and guys who make their money looking for edges such as NBA gambler Haralabos Voulgaris know how dangerous his new-wave scheme can be:
"Not that anyone cares about the East, but Sean Sweeney is likely to steal a few games with his defensive game plan for the Bucks.
— Haralabos Voulgaris (@haralabob) April 13, 2015"
An upset is possible in the first round, even against the Bulls, who won 50 games and have far more experience than the Bucks.
And even if Milwaukee gets bounced in short order, at least you'll get to enjoy a truly innovative, downright cool defense for a few games.
Do you hate fun?
Then don't pick a new team to adopt for the playoffs.
This NBA postseason is going to be one for the ages as the members of a brutal Western Conference beat each other into submission and two East powers—Cleveland and Atlanta—appear to be on a conference finals collision course.
Whether you want superstars, elite offense or stifling defense, there's something worth grabbing onto this postseason.
Forget your usual lottery-bound team for a couple of months and live the good life. You can always go back next November.
