Come to Think of It: Lance Armstrong Is a Phony

Warning: This article is not politically correct. In fact, as you can probably surmise from the headline, I am not a fan of Lance Armstrong.

Oh but Bob, the man is a champion cyclist. And don’t you care that he had testicular cancer?

Well, I must say that while cancer is a horrible, terrible thing, I do not feel it should cloud our judgment about the man, or any public figure.

Having had cancer shouldn’t shield you from being subject to the same scrutiny that every star athlete has to face.

Nor does it automatically make you a good person.

And being a champion? Well, if done the right way, it simply means he is good at riding a bike very fast and has incredible endurance.

That is, if you believe he did it all the right way.

He has never been caught, though there have been strong indications that Armstrong, like the sport itself, has been infused by performance enhancing drugs.

Earlier this year, Armstrong kept a drug testing doctor sent by the AFLD waiting for 30 minutes behind a closed door before giving samples.

He said he wanted to take a shower.

Why does that remind me of a riddle about how someone can be clean without being clean?

In 2005, it was discovered that Armstrong's backup urine samples from the 1999 Tour, retested for research purposes, showed evidence that he had used the banned blood booster EPO.

Armstrong used to work with known steroid pusher and controversial trainer Michele Ferrari.

Armstrong's former masseuse, Emma O'Reilly, claimed Armstrong once asked her to dispose of used syringes and give him makeup to conceal needle marks on his arms.

Steve Swart, claims he and other riders, including Armstrong, began using drugs in 1995 while members of the Motorola team.

An employee of Armstrong, Mike Anderson, claimed that he discovered a box of Androstenine while cleaning a bathroom in Armstrong's apartment in Girona, Spain.

In Armstrong’s case, his latest attempt to suddenly look like a martyr by conceding defeat smacks of insincerity that permeates a lot of his persona.

From blood doping denials to this latest “hey, look at what a great teammate I am” stunt, Lance Armstrong is about as real and true a person as the Easter Bunny.

Did you know that Armstrong is not even his real name? He was born Lance Edward Gunderson.

Did you know that he doesn’t believe in God?

Does that make him a bad person? That’s up to your own personal beliefs. This is not a religious site, so I won’t comment on my feelings toward his agnostic tendencies.

Armstrong knew he probably wasn’t going to win the Tour de France, so he has said he would support teammate Alberto Contador and not try to undermine him.

You want to bet that Armstrong will be ready to take advantage of any weakness?

You can feel free to believe le mensonge Armstrong, but I choose not to.

Lance is so used to being the alpha dog, I wonder how he will take to being the mutt, come to think of it.