Kevin McAllister Could Beat the Nationals...By Himself

Ed LeiserCorrespondent IJuly 20, 2009

The Cubs/Nationals series is always one of the cutthroat, can't miss series that has every baseball fan drooling.  This bitter rivalry dates back to the mid-2000s and has been going strong ever since.

They even compete in the same league. 


Back to reality for a moment. 

The Nationals are worse at baseball than I am at hyping up this matchup.  They are like Marv and Harry from the movie Home Alone—bumbling, stupid, awkward, and so on.

Kevin McAllister would certainly be able to beat this team, just as he beat Marv and Harry twice. 

But what an opportunity for the Chicago Cubs—to play, and beat a team in disarray.  This four-game sweep could go a long way in determining the path of the 2009 Cubs, or it could become totally irrelevant because the Nats are so bad.

One thing is obvious: I'd rather start off the second half 4-0 than 0-4.  The Cubs needed a hot start out of the gate, and they certainly got it with this series. 

Again, the Nats are not a challenge to a team that supposedly was going to run away with the NL Central crown.  They do have All-Star Ryan Zimmerman and Paul Bunyan (Adam Dunn), so there is some major league talent on the roster.

Kevin McAllister, alone in his home for several days, accomplished more than the Nats have in several seasons of existence.

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He went shopping. 

He did laundry.

He defeated two criminals. 

He even went to church and made friends with an outcast of society. 

The Nationals have done none of those things, assuming any of them could be translated to the game of baseball.

The Nationals' play this weekend was uglier than Buzz's girlfriend, Megan (you remember that scene, right?).  Buzz was Kevin's older brother, for all of you out there who may have forgotten.

Much like Kevin McAllister wanted to spend Christmas with his family, to share in laughter and gift-giving, the Cubs just got their second half gift: an opponent called the Washington Nationals.

Even Alfonso Soriano hit a home run this weekend.  He is worse at baseball than Harry and Marv are at being criminals.

Thank God for the Nationals. 

Home Alone III, if it's ever made, should somehow incorporate Harry and Marv as members of the Nationals. 

I know it makes no sense, but it is just so fitting.


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