An Alternate Reality New York Knick Team: In Isaiah's Image

In writing a previous article about the NBA draft it got me thinking. Isaiah Thomas has been a lot of things (NBA Champion, and provocateur of the gender-neutral workplace) and done a lot of things (Overdoses on prescription medication, inept management the CBA causing bankruptcy) but he is an outstanding evaluator of talent.

So here is a line up of players Isaiah has selected, lets see what type of team he as truly created! This article is meant to be humorous and in no way reflects the state of today’s NBA games...this just saves all of us from watching some network mind numbing reality show on FOX.

All-Isaiah Draft Team

PG – Damon Stoudamire

SG- Tracey McGrady

SF- Wilson Chandler

PF-David Lee

C- Marcus Camby

Sixth Man: Channing Frye

Seventh: Trevor Ariza

Eighth: Renaldo Balkman

Ninth: Mardy Collins

10th: Micheael Sweetney

11: Jimmy King

12: Maciej Lampe

13: Dijon Thompson

Now delving into the randomness of this roster, it actually doesn’t appear to be half bad. You clearly wouldn’t have Isaiah coach this team but in the same breath, this team could actually win some games. So I’ve decided to run a simulation, using the New York Knicks. (Only they would allow a team like this to be formed.)

Please keep in mind in order to pull this off I had to create some players and use their player ratings in LIVE games they have actually appeared in (example Dijon Thompson doesn’t appear in NBA live series after 2005 to the best of my knowledge, so I used his 2004 player ratings).

The other factor is that I used the player ratings for Damon Stoudamire from 2005 simply cause I couldn’t find anything earlier than that. So the season highlights from your...New York Knicks (team record is in parenthesis).

2008-2009 New York Knicks

Game One - (1-0) Knicks beat the Thunder 101-78 at home led by McGrady’s 34 points 6 Rebounds and 3 Assists, Camby pulls down 18 Rebounds with 4 blocks. Kevin Durant was injured in the 2 second quarter (likely after being swallowed up by the human blob Michael Sweetney) and an unexpected double-double by Maciej Lampe (12 points 13 rebounds).

New York Fans Erupt and parade down Park Ave. as Gino from Little Italy screams “we’re goin' all the way baby!”

Game Five – (5-0) Knicks are tied for the Atlantic Division lead at an astounding 5-0, even more surprising are the Toronto Raptors are also 4-0. Toronto mayor David Miller calls New York mayor Michael Bloomberg and bets the entire management staff of the Toronto Maple Leafs against the Bloomberg’s mayoral staff “I Can’t lose” Miller crows

Game 12 – (7-5)  McGrady suffers an ankle injury and will be out for the week. New York Coach Mike D’Antoni tells reporters T-Mac’s injury isn’t serious and the club is taking a precautionary measure. (For someone with a checkered medical history, precautionary is the first descent into long season.)

Game 22 – (10-12)The Knicks are in the midst of a seven-game losing streak, ironically coinciding with D’Antoni switching the lineup to “eliminate some of our disadvantages against bigger teams” on their West Coast road trip.

Somewhere in the room Shaquille O’Neal and Amare Stoudemire are snickering at the prospect of playing against a tandem of Maciej Lampe and  Michael Sweetney.

Game 35 – (17-18) Knicks have benched Stoudamire in favor of Jimmy King. The front page of the New York Post says “Knicks finally willing to play five-on-five basketball”

Game 41 – (20-21) The Knicks have been playing better, ever since Chicago attempts to trade for McGrady, offering Larry Hughes and Tyrus Thomas and a Second Round pick in 2010. Somewhere else Isiah says to himself “What is Donnie Walsh smoking? I so would have made that trade...Hughes hasn't peaked yet! Upside baby it’s all about the upside!”

All-Star Break – The Knicks have two All Stars representing them at the 2009 All-Star Game: Tracy McGrady and Marcus Camby. McGrady wins the Award for most drunk-looking\unhappy looking superstar.

How ironic is it that injured stars McGrady (currently nursing a broken nail) and Camby (severe case of Althete's Foot) have played in almost every game?

Side note: Wilson Chandler is representing the Knicks at the dunk competition and three point shootout?!?!?!?! He of the 14ppg on 47 percent FG and 3PT 37 percent? Somewhere Donnie Walsh is shaking his head and wondering where Isaiah Thomas got his dumb luck from.

Game 55 - (30-25) Who’d believe that that a starting lineup of King, Ariza,  Chandler, Frye and Camby (with McGrady as the sixth man) would have the Knicks in position for home court advantage and the No. 4 seed, actually who would have thought that McGrady ego (the seventh man, and McGrady's personal cheerleader) would allow him to become a sixth man?

Game 62 - (34-28) The Knicks are five games out of first place, and an offensive explosion by  McGrady (who is now back in the starting lineup) lighting up the Nets, Bulls, and Milwaukee 47, 52, and 38 points. “the key is for us to continue to bring it every game and play like a team” McGrady says.

His distant cousin Vince Carter (1 of 21 from the field) wonders out loud in front of the cameras how many shots he would have to miss before he gets traded to a contender.

Game 78 (46-32) The Knicks now gearing up for the playoffs are only a single game back and playing some of their best basketball of the season have gone 12-4 over their last 16 games, NBA TV reports that Wilson Chandler is the reason for the teams cohesiveness...McGrady hearing this news in the hotel stubs his toe on the hotel fridge and is out for the season.

Game 82 (49-33) The Knicks win the Atlantic division Title using the strength of their winning the season series against the Celtics to win the division. Wilson Chandler is selected to All NBA First Team and wins

MVP (18.7 PPG 2.3 REB 4.1 AST) over Lebron James (27.3PPG 8.1 REB 6.8 AST) and Tim Duncan (23.1 PPG 11.1 REB 3.4 AST) Jimmy King wins ROY (6.8 PPG 8.7 AST 1.2 REB) Camby is selected to the All-Defence Team (4.5PPG 14.2 REB 0.8AST) and McGrady is All NBA Second Team (19.8 PPG 7.2 REB 2.9AST) Not surprisingly and injured

hobbled McGrady accepts the award on behalf of Chandler, as Chandler was found tied up in his room with a message stating "I run this team!" stuffed in his mouth.  

Playoffs

The No. 3 Seeded Knicks face the Philadelphia76’ers who have stars Elton Brand and Andre Iguodala, however in this series Igdodala, is out with a stiff back (likely caused by staring in the mirror for hours admiring himself).

Game One – (1-0) Knicks dominate in a 120-86 win with Camby scoring 26 point and 21 rebounds. Brand looks frustrated in the post as he finished with 17 points and 5 Rebounds on 5-17 shooting. Spike Lee interrupts the postgame press conference running around the room screaming “Camby is the second coming of Ewing!”

Game Two – (1-1) Brand shakes loose for a game high 40 points and 13 rebounds, the Knicks look lost as Camby is injured sneezing at the free throw line. Evidently Mike Sweetney, subbing in for Camby hasn’t quite made it onto the court yet.

Game Three – (1-2) Knicks are really looking confused in game three, reserve Louis Williams torches New York for a career high 32 points along with 11 assists.

As Jimmy King struggles to keep up with Williams, Alex Rodriguez and his cousin Yuri Sucart shake mysterious black prescription containers labeled 'Energy Boost' at King every time Williams blows by King for a layup.

Game Four – (1-3) With headlines questioning the teams commitment to winning, The Knicks give a spirited effort but come up short 132-110. Oddly enough there was a huge disparity in free throws for the 76ers 52 to the Knicks 15.

Referee Tim Donaghy effectively neutralizes the entire Knicks starting lineup as Brand sets a playoff record for free throws made (41) and attempts (46).

Donaghy defended his actions saying “some large men and I had a quick refresher course on how to referee an NBA game at halftime, they really brought to light some calls I was missing.”

There you have it folks "The NBA where learning happens!"

Game Five - With hopes of getting some calls for his team D’Antoni makes a call to Stu Jackson the NBA’s Executive VP of Basketball Operations. D’Antoni’s pleas for fairness are met with disdain “It's not a matter of fairness. It's a matter of correctness” Jackson trumpets.

Little does D’Antoni know Jackson is angling for a 76ers versus Bulls Conference Semifinals “If people actually knew how hard my job is ” Jackson mutters when pressed on the matter.

The Knicks with no star players available (Chandler, was seen being forced into a van with some heavy set gentlemen wearing Celtics jackets) lose a nail biter 90-89. Lee leads the Knicks with 20 points and 17 Rebounds.

‘We just didn’t have the horses to compete with them’ D’Antoni says, ‘I mean when Dijon Thompson is your starting small forward and he can’t make a lay-up, he cant hit an open jumper, and is recognized as the lowest overall rated player in NBA LIVE you know your chances aren't that great...what could you possibly expect the outcome to be?’

*Knicks lose to the 76ers 4-1*

* DISCLAIMER: This was done all in good fun, and we’re sure that there is absolutely nothing even close to this happening in today’s wonderful corporate based NBA. They are led my a fantastic commissioner, and some of the best referees ever to referee a sport.

But just in case someone who knows any of the aforementioned individuals in our humorous little satire...well let’s keep this between us, hmmm?*