Possible Careers for Manny Ramirez

Manny Ramirez is an idiot.

Hopefully we all can agree on that statement.  He's shown us with his actions and made it clear with the words flying out of his stupid head: the ones that obviously don't make a pit-stop in his brain before they spill out of his mouth.

I was not impressed with his latest quote regarding his 50-game suspension, which seemed to put murder and rape in the same ballpark as cheating at baseball.  However, since mentally-challenged people cannot help some of the things they say, I forgive him.

My short-lived detest for Manny (I'm over it) had me thinking of possible career choices for the Los Angeles Dodgers slugger, so I made a short list of things he should consider doing in lieu of returning to baseball when he is eligible on July 2nd...

T-ball pitcher.  A job most 6-year-olds can handle.

Professional butterfly chaser.  I'd totally pay a couple bucks to watch him run in circles til he was dizzy enough to fall down and induce head trauma.  Is that a fanny pack?  Why, yes it is.

Walmart greeter.  With that warm smile and carefree attitude, he'd be right at home with that senile old man who can't seem to remember to zip his fly.  Hands off, pal.

Festival hippie.  This career takes little-to-no effort, which is good news for Manny.  He already has the dreads, so all he needs is some patchwork corduroys and a joint, and he's ready to roll.

Pool boy. There is some question as to whether Manny could handle fishing leaves from a pool, but I think it's worth a shot. (FYI: according to Google Images, "pool boy" is code for outdoor porn.)

I was also going to go with ball boy, but that job requires a rather intense attention span... so maybe not.

You know, after looking over that list, I guess Manny was meant for baseball.  He does, after all, belong to the exclusive 500 Homer Club, and what fun is writing about the game when there's one less guy to make fun of?  Can't wait for the next asinine thing you do, Manny.  Until then, we'll see you next month.  Cheater.

Sooze is a Sports Jabber contributor. You can view more of her work at Babes Love Baseball

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