Footballers to Invite for the Perfect Night out

While you may usually assume the sort of people who go out to bars on a Monday night may have a problem, this Monday anyone who was out around the city of Manchester had an unexpected treat.

The most successful graduates of Manchester United’s “Class Of ‘92," Ryan Giggs, Paul Scholes, Gary Neville, Phil Neville and even David Beckham, were out in Manchester for a reunion at the city’s Artisan Restaurant and Bar, the Manchester Evening News reports.

We noticed there was no invite for other alumni of the Class Of '92, such as Ben Thornley, John O’Kane or Robbie Savage.

Rude.

Actually, we wouldn’t invite Robbie Savage on a night out either. Which prompts the question; if we were to have the perfect night out with anyone we could from the world of football, who would we invite?

We have gone through anyone who’s anyone from the world of football, weighed up their personality traits and created an elite social group for an unbeatable night on the town. 

David Beckham

Let’s start off with an obvious choice.

Firstly, who doesn’t want to be best friends with David Beckham? One man: Gary Neville, because he already is best friends with David Beckham.

Not only could he regale us with stories from his times at Manchester United, Real Madrid, LA Galaxy, Paris Saint Germain and, of course, Preston North End, but he’s a thoroughly nice guy too.

He’s also a relatively calming influence (as long as we don’t bump into Diego Simeone) and, with the other guys on this night out, a calming influence would be essential in order to prevent the night from turning into the sort of occasion that would cause Silvio Berlusconi to leave, citing “being unable to keep up” as the reason for his early exit.

Also, if you wanted to meet a potential lover on your night out, what better wingman to have than actual David Beckham? Just look at him!

And most importantly, Becks is teetotal, he doesn’t drink. So he could be the designated driver. And with his wealth and collection of sports cars, he would be the greatest designated driver in recorded history.

Joe Jordan

Despite being 61, Joe Jordan is still the most terrifying man on the planet not currently incarcerated in a maximum security prison.

Nobody likes it, but sometimes when you’re at a bar, trouble can break out. Some idiot might want to get into a fight with you or your buddies.

Imagine it, some guy is getting up in your face and big Joe Jordan steps in and says.

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“Is there a problem here, lads?”

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That problem would be solved, instantly.

Plus with 52 Scotland caps and spells at Manchester United, Leeds United and AC Milan in his playing days as well as being one of Harry Redknapp’s chief backroom lieutenants at Portsmouth, Tottenham and QPR, he will have a tale or two to tell.

And since he’s got his front teeth replaced, he can probably tell it without whistling when it comes to a word with an “s” sound in.

Clarence Seedorf

We are of the opinion Clarence Seedorf is probably the most interesting person in football.

His impressive appearances as a pundit has shown he really knows his onions when it comes to the beautiful game and it’s not surprising as he’s the only player to win the Champions League with three different sides.

And what great sides they were, the 1994-95 Ajax side, the 1997-98 Real Madrid team and the 2002-03 AC Milan squad. You’ve got to be interested in that.

That’s not to mention his 18 years in the Netherlands national team and his time at Sampdoria and Inter Milan. You’d ask him all sorts of questions about playing for both Milan sides, wouldn’t you? Interesting!

And last summer he moved to Brazil to play for Botafogo. Moving to Brazil is such an interesting transfer for a player to make.

Had enough about talking football? Seedorf knows the likes of Nelson Mandela and Bill Clinton, he can definitely extend his interests to world politics.

Interesting, interesting, interesting. 

Titus Bramble

We would want Titus Bramble on this night out for one reason and one reason only:

So we could say that we’re not the worst footballer on the night out. 

Jose Luis Chilavert

Not just because we want to say we’ve been on a night out with a goalkeeper who scored 62 goals in his professional career (more than Francis Jeffers has scored in his entire career), but we’d want Jose Luis Chilavert on board the party express for a bit of light entertainment.

As pointed out by FIFA.com (and if FIFA say it, it must be true) Chilavert is as quick with his wit as he is at whipping in a free kick.

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“Not everyone can be a goalkeeper you know. People think we’re only there to stop goals, but that’s an entirely mistaken and negative view. To my mind you can’t have a good team without a good keeper. Brazil had a fantastic side in 1982 but they also had Valdir Peres in goal. Every time the opposition went forward they scored, which rather proves my point.”

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“So Navarro Montoya has compared me to a Fiat 600? Well, I might be a 'Fitito' but I’ve got the engine of a Formula 1 car. As for his engine, it’s losing oil. He’s no match for me. We’re not at the same level.”

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“I’m not that bothered about Bonano’s goal. Anyway, he hit it really badly, like a wet newspaper.”

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 “It’s a shame we can’t fight each other, but he doesn’t make the weight category. Wet through, he only weighs 35 kilos.”

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 “Right now good goalkeepers are going the same way as the dinosaurs. They’re an endangered species.”

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 “I’ve had a lot of fights on the pitch, but what did people expect? With the face I’ve got I have to play the bad guy. It’s a lot easier that way. Being the good guy just isn’t me.”

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Diego Maradona

Every spectacular night out needs an agent of chaos.

There was Stiffler in American Pie, Alan in The Hangover and Lindsay Lohan in every article written about Lindsay Lohan.

Diego Maradona would be our night out’s agent of chaos.

Never mind that he’s considered by some to be the greatest footballer to ever play the game. It's his unpredictability off the pitch we've enlisted him for. 

He handballs goals into the night, makes accusations about Pele’s love life and he shoots journalists.

He plays by no one’s rules and is a must for a football night out. Beckham and Seedorf can be responsible for keeping him within the lines of decency and legality. 

NOT Joey Barton

Not Joey Barton. Not.

Can you imagine a night out with Barton? If he wasn’t getting into an argument with someone, someone would want to get in an argument with him.

He’d have an opinion on everything and everyone and his attempts to appear cultured by copying and pasting Nietzsche quotes or The Smiths lyrics on Twitter won’t cut much mustard in an actual spoken conversation.

In fact, to be safe that we wouldn’t bump into him by accident on the night out and he’d tag along, we’d phone him up and invite him to go to a different venue to the one that we were going to. In a different city. In a different country.