NASCAR and Neurosurgery: One and the Same

I simply can’t get enough of grown men driving advertisements around a track for three straight hours.

The “Digger Cam” intrigues me. I just get so excited when it’s time to “Crank it Up.”

I can almost smell the enticing scent of chewing tobacco, alcohol, body odor, and burnt-rubber ooze through my television set. How I wish I were there.

Everything about NASCAR is great, except for one thing-it’s not a sport!

NASCAR is as much a sport as driving your way to a real sport. It is not a sport contrary to biased opinion, not popular belief. In fact, it is an insult to other sports to call such a mundane activity (can we call NASCAR an activity?) a sport.

Real athletes train by lifting weights and running. NASCAR drivers train on a video game called iRacing, which Dale Earnhardt Jr. is known to play.

I’m sure Gran Turismo and Pole Position are other favorites of drivers. Maybe they even pull out Guitar Hero when they need to take a break from their exhausting “workout.”

Many people argue it is a sport because the drivers “have to control the cars.”

Please, spare me. Tell that to Lance Armstrong, who rides hundreds of miles a day under the power of his own body, not an engine.

That’s like saying Neurosurgery is a sport because the surgeon has to control the scalpel.

How many people went through high school and participated in an intramural racecar team?

Anyone? Anyone?

No, because it does not exist and it will never exist. It is not recognized as a state-sanctioned a sport, nor a club sport, unlike football, soccer, basketball, track, etc.

If NASCAR continues to appear on Sports Center, then it is only fair Neurosurgery makes an appearance as well.

Scalpel, please.