Why You Should Never Hire A Translator By Gilles Simon

Gilles Simon has been one of the soaring players on the tennis circuit today.  He has risen into the elite top ten group in men's tennis.  As a result, his post-match interviews have become more challenging because of his limited English. 

He therefore hired an interpreter to tackle this problem.  On this occasion in Monte-Carlo, Simon had just been defeated by Andreas Beck 7-5, 6-1.

Reporter:  Gilles, how did you feel out there, today? 

Interpreter (to Simon):  Avez-vous honte?  Vous jouez comme la merde!!  (Are you ashamed?  You played like shit!!!)

Simon (to Interpreter):  Dites-lui qu'il est grossier! (Tell him he is rude)

Interpreter:  He says that you English pigdogs are all alike.  He says that you enjoy seeing us French down on our knees, kissing the clay. 

Reporter: But he only said one sentence.  How could one sentence mean all that?

Interpreter: In French, we do not need to go on and on to say what we mean.  It is the language of love, n'est ce pas?

Simon (to Interpreter):  Qu'est qu'il t'a dit? (What did he say to you?)

Interpreter (to Simon):  Il dit que vous se battez comme un petite chatte. (He says you play like a little p****)

Simon (to Interpreter): Dites-lui que j'ai joué la meilleur que je puisse!! (Tell him that I played that best that I could)

Interpreter (to Reporter): He says that after doing your mother, he is going to do your sister next. 

Reporter: WHAT THE F***!!!!!!!!

Interpreter (to Simon): Il dit que vous êtes maudit laid! (He says your damn ugly!)

Both Gilles Simon and the reporter stare at each other hard for a long moment with the interpreter fidgeting in the middle.  They each grab one of his ears and force him to stand.  Without warning they both knee him in the groin sending him to the floor in agonizing pain. 

Reporter: Job well done!

Simon: Bien Faites!  (Well done!)

They shake hands and leave. 

The interpreter slowly gets up.

Interpreter:  Au Secours, j'ai étè attaquè par deux homosexuels. (Help!  I have been attacked by two homosexuals)  Help! My balls just fell off!!