An NBA Family Tree: Phil, Kobe, Whatshisname, and LeBron

Phil Jackson: The Father

The Zen Master is certainly a clever old fart. Of course, you don't win 11 NBA championships without earning some wisdom. You can picture Jackson with a young son atop his knee, corn cob pipe in one hand and a copy of The Brothers Karamazov in the other.

"But father, what is patricide?"

"We'll leave that one on the table son...some things are better left unknown."

It's easy to imagine that a lot of his players exhibit a similar confusion as Coach Phil hands out copies of Dostoyevsky, or Sacred Hoops (written by a hell of an author, he tells them). Phil Jackson in many ways seems an ideal father.

He encourages competition yet is a relaxed man, perched upon his Barcalounger. His Jedi mind tricks include likening PG Jason Williams to a Nazi radical in a pregame film session. Now that's how you motivate a team! Yes, Phil Jackson took the reigns from the grandfather of the NBA, Red Auerbach.

Kobe Bryant: The Eldest Son

How appropriate that the Eldest Son of the NBA is, in reality, coached by Phather Phil. There are NBA players with seniority over Kobe—Jason Kidd or Grant Hill for example. But Kobe is the face of the NBA, the star of stars, and the statesman for American basketball.

A dark spot in the heart of the oldest son is this: Averaging over 25 points per game over his 13 year career, Kobe has struggled in the shadow of his legendary Uncle Jordan. The Eldest struggles with feelings of inadequacy mixed with his usual confidence. He has seen his forebearers go and watches as his eventual replacements sit on the horizon.

Kobe is a proud man. The Eldest must carry on the family name but carve out his own traditions. Any accomplishment by his younger brothers must be bested—this is not optional. Any success that is not his own is viewed as a defeat of self. The Eldest does not enjoy relinquishing attention.

Joe Johnson: Middle Child

Whatshisname is the most forgettable star. Ever. His name is painfully generic. He attended the Rasheed Wallace School of "boring postgame interviews." He is a three-time All-Star, but you probably can't remember a single thing about his 2007 season.

Ah, yes. Here is the perfect representation of the famous Middle Child Syndrome. The Jan Brady of the NBA has talent. He can shoot, drive, and dunk without being exceptionally notable at any of the three. He is, by all accounts, a nice dude. But we haven't seen any reason to trust that because, well, he is nearly invisible.

Ever since the NBA improved after its post-Jordan doldrums, we now have a "middle class" of stars for the first time in what seems a long while. The Brandon Roys and Danny Grangers of the world are loved in their own cities and viewed favorably nationally, but they remain below the crust of Superstardom.

These "first cousins" of the NBA are waiting to break through. Hopefully they can avoid the dreaded Middle Child designation. Wait...who is the Middle Child again?

LeBron: The Youngest

Parents refuse to say so (unless they're rotten people), but the youngest is typically the favorite kid. They're the easiest to deal with; you've gone through everything at least once so you know what you're bargaining for.

The youngest suffer from that most insidious of ailments: Entitlement.

LeBron was designated "The King" and "The Chosen One" before he was legally allowed to purchase cigarettes, lotto tickets, and pornography. This No. 1 overall pick has, in his thus-far brief career, accomplished a trip to the NBA Finals, Rookie of the Year, and five All-Star appearances. Multiple MVPs lay waiting in his bright future.

So why does someone living the life of a King complain so much? LeBron has usurped from Tim Duncan the most memorable "hands up-shoulder shrugged-incredulous look on face" routine when angling for calls from the referees. This in contrast to a report that this physical wrecking ball gets whistled only 1.72 times per game.

LeBron complained about his "crab walk" getting whistled for a foul even though he got away with it to beat Washington in the playoffs (it's clearly a travel, by the way).

LeBron complained about a call against the Pacers which he and his erstwhile coach Mike Brown whined was "the worst call I've ever been a part of." This even though it was the worst call in the previous minute of that game.

The vigors of youth have made LeBron mostly jovial, as he caroms with his teammates and genuinely seems to enjoy their company. This future Elder Statesmen completes the core of the NBA family.