The 100 Dumbest Things Ever Said in Sports

Dan Carson@@DrCarson73Trending Lead WriterMarch 6, 2013

The 100 Dumbest Things Ever Said in Sports

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    Your jaw flops. Your eyes widen. Your hand slaps reflexively onto your forehead.

    You just heard someone say something very, very dumb.  

    But hey, a little slip of the tongue happens to the best of us. And unlike people in the mic’d up world of sports, we can at least log onto the Internet without seeing our gaffes thrown on a hulking 100-slide feast of face-palm moments.

    Sports figures, however, have every misguided word they've ever said recorded, carbon copied and seared into the web for all to see. 

    And in keeping with that time-honored tradition, the following is a countdown of the 100 dumbest—and funniest, in some cases—things ever uttered in the world of sports. They're everything from innocent slip-ups to intensely misguided musings on paleontology.

    And trust me—they don't all deserve the benefit of the doubt.

100. Metta World Tweets

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    “Happy labor day... Enjoy it.”

    -- Tweeted by Lakers small forward Metta World Peace on Memorial Day, 2012.

99. In the MLB Poorhouse

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    “People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don’t realize that most of us only make $500,000.”

    -- Pete Incaviglia, former Texas Rangers outfielder on why baseball players aren’t overpaid.

98. Professional Athlete Problems

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    “That’s part of the challenge of being a professional athlete.”

    -- Former Houston Rockets backup center John Amaechi on not receiving a single minute of playing time during the season.

97. Lee Corso on Hawaii

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    “Hawaii doesn’t win many games in the United States.” 

    -- ESPN analyst Lee Corso on the University of Hawaii’s poor record against teams in mainland America.

96. A-Rod Needs Therapy

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    “Therapy can be a good thing; it can be therapeutic.”

    -- Alex Rodriguez, New York Yankees third baseman.

95. Dizzy Dean Thought It Was Pretty Close

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    “The game was closer than the score indicated.”

    -- MLB Hall of Fame pitcher Dizzy Dean after a 1-0 game.

94. Ron Atkinson Explains It All

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    “Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw.”

    -- Ron Atkinson, former soccer player and television pundit 

93. Dick Vitale Says a Dick Vitale Thing

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    “I’m tellin’ ya man, to be able to stroke it like that must be some kind of feeling.”

    -- Dick Vitale on J.J. Redick’s three-point shooting.  

92. Steve Largent Will Sincerely Miss Ringo

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    Seattle Seahawks wide receiver Steve Largent explained which of his records he’ll cherish the most after retiring from football:

    “Probably the Beatles’ White Album.”

91. Ryan Lochte’s Workout Secrets

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    “I think that’s my biggest key in my workout... with swimming and weights... is like my weight room." 

    -- Ryan Lochte, Olympic swimmer and weight room appreciator.

90. Harry Caray and the Mexican Sun

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    “Aw, how could he lose the ball in the sun? He’s from Mexico.” 

    -- Former Cubs announcer Harry Caray on Jorge Orta losing track of a fly ball.

89. Maurice Clarett Is Too Humble

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    “It’s humbling being humble.”

    -- Maurice Clarett, former Denver Broncos running back.

88. Mike Tyson’s Personal Diagnosis

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    “That’s all they said was wrong with me?”

    -- Former heavyweight champ Mike Tyson responding to questions about him suffering from depression, low self-esteem and problems with anger management.

87. Caldwell Jones Loves Seafood Desserts

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    “Saltwater taffy.”

    -- Former NBA big man Caldwell Jones on his favorite seafood.

86. Backup Quarterback Wisdom

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    “Why should we have to go to class if we came here to play FOOTBALL, we ain’t come to play SCHOOL, classes are POINTLESS.” 

    -- Tweet sent out by Ohio State backup quarterback Cardale Jones.

85. Dennis Rodman, Master Chemist

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    “Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10 or something.”

    -- Dennis Rodman explaining team chemistry

84. Yogi Berra on the Weather

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    “It ain’t the heat. It’s the humility.”

    -- Yankee legend Yogi Berra

83. Roberto Kelly Doesn’t Understand Permanence

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    “It’s permanent, for now.”

    -- Former MLB outfielder Roberto Kelly on whether or not he would change his nickname “Bobby” in the future. 

82. Jerry Coleman and the Safest Out

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    “They throw [Dave] Winfield out at second—and he’s safe.”

    -- San Diego Padres broadcaster Jerry Coleman

81. Mets Pitcher Has a Metaphysical Mind Fart

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    “That picture was taken out of context.”

    -- New York Mets pitcher Jeff Innis on a photo of him that he believed made him look goofy.

80. Brandon Spikes Makes It Snow for Santa

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    “We’re leaving a big fat rail of coke and a shot of Jack for Santa this year... cookies and milk will just slow him down. #SimpleTruth”

    -- Tweet by Patriots linebacker Brandon Spikes this past holiday season.

79. Gene Stallings’ Biggest Weakness

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    “I guess that makes our biggest weakness lack of strength.”

    -- Gene Stallings, Texas A&M football coach after hearing TCU head coach Abe Martin claim his team’s biggest strength is its lack of weakness.

78. Mario Balotelli—The Artless Dodger

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    “I believe I am more intelligent than the average person. There are few people with such talent, so there are few able to judge what I am doing.”

    -- Italian footballer Mario Balotelli on his past antics involving dart-throwing at youth league players and sneaking into a women’s prison.

77. Lou Duva Is No Socrates

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    “You can sum up this sport in two words: You never know.”

    -- Boxing trainer Lou Duva.

76. MLB Rookie Drops the Ball

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    After being asked what he had gotten out of his rookie season in the league, former MLB outfielder Hensley Meulens replied:

    “Oh, $120,000.”

75. Olympian on Why Showboating Cost Her Gold Medal

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    “I just got caught up in the moment, and, oh well.”

    -- U.S. snowboarder Lindsey Jacobellis to NBC’s Bob Costas. Jacobellis had just lost the 2006 gold medal for snowboardcross after botching a trick and falling down yards from the finish line.

74. Jerry Rice Tries to Show Humility

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    “I feel like I’m the best, but you’re not going to get me to say that.”

    -- NFL legend Jerry Rice

73. Rob Gronkowski Is Party

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    “Yo soy fiesta!”

    -- Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski in response to an ESPN Deportes reporter’s questions about how he plans to celebrate a win over the Baltimore Ravens.

72. Jose Canseco—No Longer in Right Field

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    “They always put the smart guys out in right field. That’s where I used to play.”

    -- Former MLB slugger Jose Canseco

71. Alex Rodriguez Feels Dominican

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    “I feel very Dominican.”

    -- Alex Rodriguez on which nation he would play for in the first World Baseball Classic.

70. RMF—Randy Moss Financial (LLC)

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    “When you’re rich you don’t write checks... straight cash, homey.”

    -- Randy Moss when asked how he’ll pay an NFL fine for unsportsmanlike celebration.

69. Jerome James Is Selflessly Selfish

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    Former Seattle SuperSonics center Jerome James explained his personal views on coach Nate McMillan calling him selfish with this little ditty:

    “I don’t have the first clue who he is talking about, because all I worry about is Jerome.”

68. Jerry Coleman and the Tale of Two Ex-Teammates

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    “Gaylord Perry and Willie McCovey should know each other like a book. They’ve been ex-teammates for years now.”

    -- Jerry Coleman, San Diego Padres broadcaster 

67. Bill Cowher—Orchestral Savant

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    “It was no Mozart.”

    -- Bill Cowher after a tough victory on the gridiron. 

66. Lou Holtz Brings the Wood

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    “It may not impress you, but Holtz means ‘hard wood.’”  

    -- Former college football coach and television analyst Lou Holtz.

65. Soccer Manager Botches the Numbers

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    “We must have had 99 percent of the match. It was the other three percent that cost us.”

    -- Dutch soccer manager Ruud Gullit

64. Shaq Strikes Back

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    “Sam is an idiot—I-D-O-U-T—idiot.”

    -- Shaquille O’Neal on Chicago Tribune writer Sam Smith, who wrote an article suggesting the Miami Heat rid themselves of "The Big Aristotle."

63. Terrell Owens’ Teammate Issues

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    “Don’t say I don’t get along with my teammates. I just don’t get along with some of the guys on my team.”

    -- Former NFL wide receiver Terrell Owens

62. Don King’s Interesting Sense of Time

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    “He’s the Man of the Hour, at this particular moment.” 

    -- Boxing promoter Don King

61. Rocky Bridges—Not a Slow Eater

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    Former San Francisco Giants coach Rocky Bridges was asked why he refused to eat snails, to which he responded

    “I prefer fast food.”

60. Lawrence Taylor Is More of a Poet

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    “It’s going to be about me.”

    -- Former NFL great Lawrence Taylor describing the autobiography he planned to write.

59. John Kruk Lays It Out There

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    “I’m not an athlete. I’m a professional baseball player.”

    -- Former MLB first baseman and television analyst John Kruk

58. Andre Agassi—Scratching Away

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    “I’ve only scratched the iceberg.”

    -- Tennis great Andre Agassi assessing his talent ceiling in 1990.

57. Anna Kournikova Is a Private Person

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    After being asked about her love life during a promotional event for a line of undergarments she endorses, former tennis star Anna Kournikova had this to say:

    “I’m not here to talk about my personal life. I’m here to talk about bras.” 

56. Lenny Dykstra Gets Ahead of Himself

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    After hearing an unproductive member of the team had been traded away, Philadelphia Phillies outfielder Lenny Dykstra reacted with:

    “Great trade! Who did we get?”

55. Darrel Chaney’s Lofty Lavatory

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    “Raise the urinals.” 

    -- Former backup shortstop Darrel Chaney’s advice on how the front office can keep the Braves on their toes

54. Scottie Pippen Places Foot Firmly in His Mouth

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    “Michael Jordan is probably the greatest scorer to ever play in the game. But I may go so far to say LeBron James may be the greatest player to ever play the game.”

    -- Scottie Pippen

53. The Point Eludes Tim McCarver

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    “Yankees pitchers have had great success against Cabrera when they get him out.”

    -- Former MLB catcher and current sportscaster Tim McCarver

52. Cadillac Williams—Not a Military Man

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    “He might’ve won the war, but the battle’s not over.”

    -- NFL running back Cadillac Williams on getting picked later in 2005 draft than his Auburn teammate Ronnie Brown.

51. Joe Theismann’s Thoughts on Geniuses

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    “The word genius isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

    -- Former Washington Redskins quarterback Joe Theisman

    Note: After making this “genius” quote, Theismann later claimed he was referring to a buddy from high school. You know, that Norman guy we all know about.

50. Yogi Berra Breaks Down the Game of Baseball

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    “Ninety percent of this game is half mental.”

    -- Yankess legend Yogi Berra

49. Chuck Lamar Quibbles over the Little Things

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    “The only thing that keeps this organization from being recognized as one of the finest in baseball is wins and losses at the major league level."

    -- Chuck Lamar, former Tampa Bay Devil Rays manager

48. Who Is Ryan Lochte?

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    “What defines me? ...Ryan Lochte.”

    -- Ryan Lochte, Olympic swimmer and horrendous interviewee

47. Chad Johnson’s 51-State Odyssey

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    “I’m traveling to all 51 states to see who can stop 85.”

    -- Former NFL wide receiver Chad Johnson

46. Tracy McGrady—Not Geometrically Inclined

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    “My career was sputtering until I did a 360 and got headed in the right direction.”

    -- Former Orlando Magic star Tracy McGrady

45. Neither Is Jason Kidd

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    “We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.”

    -- New York Knicks guard Jason Kidd after being drafted by the Dallas Mavericks.

44. Lou Whitaker—No More Taxi Cabs for Your Boy

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    I’m rich. What am I supposed to do? Hide it?”

    -- Former Detroit Tigers second baseman Lou Whitaker, after showing up to a players’ union meeting in a stretch limousine.

43. Mickey Rivers Makes the Best of It

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    “We’ll do all right if we can capitalize on our mistakes.”

    -- Mickey Rivers, former MLB designated hitter

42. Pedro Guerrero Is Misunderstood

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    “Sometimes they write what I say, not what I mean.”

    -- Pedro Guerrero, former MLB baseball player

41. Kellen Winslow—Not a Soldier

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    “It’s war. They’re out there to kill you, so I’m out there to kill them. We don’t care about nobody but this U... I’m a soldier!”

    -- University of Miami tight end Kellen Winslow after a loss to Tennessee in 2003

40. Karl Malone Mixes Words Up

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    “I ain’t gonna be no escape-goat!”

    -- NBA Hall of Famer Karl Malone

39. Tim McCarver Sets All of Humanity Back Years

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    Sportscaster Tim McCarver on increased home run rates in the MLB:

    “It has not been proven, but I think it will be proven that the air is thinner now, there have been climactic changes over the last 50 years in the world, and I think that’s one of the reasons balls are carrying much better now than I remember.”

38. Brad Miller Has a Warped View of the Good Times

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    “It’s not going to be peaches and gravy all the time.” 

    -- Former Indiana Pacers center Brad Miller showcasing an interesting palate when he described the team’s struggles to reporters

37. Shelby Metcalf Shares Academic Advice

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    “Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”

    -- Former Texas A&M basketball coach Shelby Metcalf explaining what he told one of his players who received four F’s and one D on his report card.

36. The Antoine Walker Scoring System

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    “Because there are no fours.”

    -- Former NBA power forward Antoine Walker on why he shoots so many three-pointers.

35. Tug McGraw Is Smoking Something

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    “I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf."

    -- Former Philly Tug McGraw on whether he preferred grass or Astroturf.

34. Magic Johnson’s Less-Than Magic Moment

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    “It’s almost like we have ESPN or something.”

    -- Lakers great Magic Johnson on how he and teammate James Worthy always work so well together on the basketball court. 

33. Shelby Metcalf on Defense

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    “Rice defends against the free throw as well as anybody I’ve seen.”

    -- Former Texas A&M basketball coach Shelby Metcalf

32. Latrell Sprewell Doesn’t Want to Go Hungry

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    “I’ve got my family to feed.”

    -- Former NBA swingman Latrell Sprewell on why he wanted to sign a contract extension or be traded after making $14.6 million during the 2004-05 season.

31. Yogi Berra’s Postmortem Surprise

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    "Surprise me.”

    -- Yankees legend Yogi Berra on where his wife should bury him.

    Note: Yogi Berra either had the driest Oscar Wilde wit or was just in another room and assumed his wife was talking about where they were going for lunch.

30. Stevie Johnson Tweets God

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    -- Buffalo Bills wide receiver Stevie Johnson tweeted this message, presumably to the creator of the universe, after dropping a game-winning catch in 2010.

29. Terry Bradshaw Makes a Valid Point

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    “I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.”

    -- Former NFL great and current NFL analyst Terry Bradshaw.

28. What a Real Man Looks Like

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    “He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.”

    -- Former University of Houston wide receiver Torrin Polk on former coach John Jenkins

27. Rickey Henderson—One-Percenter

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    Former MLB outfielder and base-stealing extraordinaire Rickey Henderson on a writer’s claim that 50 percent of major league baseball players use steroids:

    “Well, I’m not one of them. So that’s 49 percent right there."

26. Drew Gooden Overcame an Old, Old Wooden Ship

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    “I’ve had to overcome a lot of diversity.”

    -- Drew Gooden, Milwaukee Bucks forward-center

25. Billy Got Fingered

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    “I’m very appreciative of being indicted.”

    -- Former Florida State football coach Bill Peterson on being inducted into the Florida Hall of Fame.

24. Mike Greenwell and the Family Trucks

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    “I’m a four-wheel-drive pickup type of guy, and so is my wife.” 

    -- Former Red Sox outfielder Mike Greenwell

    What he probably meant: “I’m man enough to admit my wife likes mudding trucks and that I don’t always get to be the big spoon.”

23. Tim McCarver—Clearly on Autopilot

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    When San Francisco Giants fans began chanting “Barry! Barry! Barry!” for Giants pitcher Barry Zito in Game 1 of the 2012 World series, broadcaster Joe Buck set up fellow sportscaster Tim McCarver for an easy home run:

    “They used to say [Barry] for somebody else around here,” said Buck.

    “When Barry Manilow was playing in a concert,” replied McCarver.

    “Or Barry Bonds,” said Buck, incredulous.

22. Dan Osinski Can’t Eat All That Pizza

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    Better make it six. I can’t eat eight.”

    -- Former MLB pitcher Dan Osinski after a waitress asked him if he wanted his pizza cut into six slices or eight. 

21. Metta World Teeth

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    “I’m just happy that Jesus Christ did not let me lose my teeth when I was 20-years-old.” 

    -- Lakers small forward Metta World Peace when asked how his teammates were reacting to his name change.

20. George Rogers Isn’t in a Rush

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    “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards—whichever comes first.” 

    -- South Carolina Heisman Trophy winner George Rogers

19. Bobby Robson’s Miscalculated Miscalculation

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    “We didn’t underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought.”

    -- Former English football manager Bobby Robson, on narrowly surviving a game against Cameroon in the 1990 World Cup.

18. Tito Fuentes Loses Count, Fatherly Accountability

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    “They shouldn’t throw at me. I’m the father of five or six kids.”

    -- Former MLB player Tito Fuentes on getting hit by pitches. 

17. Jerry Coleman—Doesn't Do Numbers

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    "There someone warming up in the bullpen, but he's obscured by his number."

    -- Jerry Coleman, San Diego Padres broadcaster

16. Lou Duva—Timing Is Everything

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    “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.”

    -- Lou Duva on the rigorous training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota.

15. Jared Allen Catches Case of the Schisms

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    “I don’t think anyone on this team knows what ‘schism’ is, let alone could use it in a sentence. I thought it was an STD when I first heard it and was like ‘whoa, we preach abstinence in these parts.’”

    -- Vikings defensive end Jared Allen said this about the possibility of a hostile “schism” growing in the locker room between teammates.

14. Greg Norman's Unique Family Dynamics

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    “I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”

    -- Professional golfer Greg Norman

13. Ron Meyer—Not a Licensed Prophet

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    “It isn’t like I came down from Mount Sinai with the tabloids.” 

    -- Former Indianapolis Colts head coach Ron Meyer, on whether or not he made the right decision by starting rookie quarterback Jeff George. 

12. Charles Shackleford—Lord of the Frogs

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    “I can shoot with my left hand, I can shoot with my right hand. I’m amphibious.”

    -- Charles Shackleford, former NBA forward 

11. Bobby Hurley Should Stick to Basketball

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    Brother Ray Page, a teacher at St. Anthony High School in Jersey City, N.J., claims he once had to explain a geographical conundrum to his student, Bobby Hurley, who would go on to play for the Sacramento Kings: 

    “[Bobby Hurley] once asked me if Beirut was named after that famous baseball player who hit home runs.” 

10. Dennis Rodman’s Thoughts on American Prison Camps

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    “We do the same things here.”

    -- Former Chicago Bulls star Dennis Rodman on North Korean dictator Kim Jung Un using prison camps to punish alleged criminals. 

9. Chuck Nevitt Just Watched Mrs. Doubtfire

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    “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an aunt or an uncle.”

    -- NC State basketball player Chuck Nevitt explaining to his coach why he appeared nervous during practice.

8. Rashard Mendenhall Likens NFL to Slavery

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    “Anyone with knowledge of the slave trade and the NFL could say that these two parallel each other.” 

    -- Pittsburgh Steelers running back Rashard Mendenhall tweeted this nugget of historical wisdom in 2011. 

7. Andre Dawson Wants to Rear Your Children

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    “I want all the kids to copulate me." 

    -- Chicago Cubs Hall of Famer Andre Dawson on being a role model for children.

6. Mike Tyson Plans to Disappear into South America

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    “Fade into Bolivian, I guess.”

    -- Former heavyweight champ Mike Tyson on what he would do after retiring from boxing. 

5. Bill Cowher Doesn't Want to Skin the Rules

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    “We’re not attempting to circumcise the rules.”

    -- Former Steelers head coach Bill Cowher 

4. Jose Canseco Explains Gravity, Dinosaurs

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    Never one to hold back on the crazy, Jose Canseco unleashed these dinosaur/physics related tweets on his followers earlier this month: 

    “Ancient gravity was much weaker..."

    “Gravity had to be weaker to make dinosaurs nimble.” 

3. Carl Everett Proves Creationism

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    “The Bible never says anything about dinosaurs. You can't say there were dinosaurs when you never saw them. Someone actually saw Adam and Eve. No one ever saw a Tyrannosaurus Rex."

    -- Former MLB outfielder Carl Everett

2. Mike Cameron, Amateur Astrologist

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    “The sun has been there for 500, 600 years.”

    -- Former MLB outfielder Mike Cameron

1. Shaq—Parthenon VIP

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    “I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.” 

    -- Shaquille O’Neal’s response to whether or not he had stopped at the Parthenon while in Greece.