Movember 2012: The Most Epic Mustaches in Sports History

Nick Dimengo@@itsnickdimengoFeatured ColumnistOctober 31, 2012

Movember 2012: The Most Epic Mustaches in Sports History

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    Movember has graced its presence on us once again!

    And while most people can't wait for the warmth of Thanksgiving and the continued winter this month, we're really just looking forward to keeping this peach fuzz on our upper lip for the next 30 days, horrifying girls everywhere and getting bro nods from other dudes doing the same thing.

    Just as we normal guys love the hilarity of growing a sick 'stache, athletes share the same humor, often avoiding the razor to showcase some serious lip fur.

    Though some athletes might not have the ability to grow a full-fledged Selleck, they definitely try to keep up, so here are the ones we just had to admire.

    Who knew raising money for charity could get so hairy? (Insert automated laughter here.)

Ryan Miller

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    With the NHL lockout still (unfortunately) going on, we're sure the Sabres' goalie is working on waxing and grooming that glorious piece of fur.

    Here's to hoping the sides come together soon so we can see what he's working with once he's back on the ice.

Zach Mettenberger

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    Used more as a good luck charm than anything, Mettenberger broke out the razor and shaving cream recently after his Tigers offense became stagnant.

    Maybe his wideouts and lineman thought his 'stache was offensive?

Carlos Valderrama

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    Valderrama is one of the most beloved soccer players from Colombia.

    Though he's recognized more for his Sideshow Bob-like hair, that mustache has long been a complementary accessory.

Jared Allen

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    Allen's one of the funniest dudes in the league—not to mention one of the most feared—so when we see him sans helmet, we can't do anything but laugh at that fu man he's rocking.

David Stern

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    For some of you younger fans out there, you might only remember Stern as the clean-cut, never-any-stubble Commish of the Association.

    But back in his day, Stern had that full man on that top lip, often posing with future stars at the draft in the '80s.

Wes Welker

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    One of the best receivers in the NFL, Welker went the way of so many athletes before him, keeping the prickly piece on his lip during last year's playoff run for good luck.

    After the Pats lost the Super Bowl to the Giants, we lost one of the great lucky charms in recent NFL playoff memory.

Jake Plummer

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    Plummer's absolutely hilarious.

    His fur personified every man's dream of the perfectly groomed and filled-in mustache, with this picture forever going down in lore as one of the greatest player media photos ever.

Rickie Fowler

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    For being the biggest bro on tour, Fowler's one of our favorite golfers.

    It doesn't matter if he doesn't win majors or as many tourneys as he hopes, this kid's hilarious with his Bieber-like hair, bright outfits and, of course, that mustache.

Aaron Rodgers

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    We're not sure Rodgers wasn't auditioning himself for a porno. Born during the preseason, Rodgers' mustache is by far one of the greatest—yet sleaziest—things we've ever seen on an athlete.

Andy Reid

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    For as long as we can remember, Reid's had this thing. In fact, he'd probably lose some serious respect if he were to ever get rid of it.

    It's become more and more walrus-like in the past couple of years, only solidifying his respect for former mentor Mike Holmgren—who has a similar look going for him.

John Axford

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    It's not that it's just a mustache, it's a damn phenomenon!

    There's no telling what Axford's going to do with it on any given day.

    Known to wax the tips for some extra class, he can also go standard bushy style if he just doesn't feel like rubbing it down before or during games.

Steve Prefontaine

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    One of the most prolific runners in history, Prefontaine inspired Nike's "Pre Lives" signature slogan, giving credit to his accomplishments.

    As fast as he was, we wonder if his time would have been even better without that 'stache slowing him down?

Cal Clutterbuck

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    When we think of a guy named "Cal Clutterbuck," there's no other way to picture him.

    We'd say after looking at the Minnesota Wild winger, he fits every single description we'd want from him.

    Thanks for living up to our expectations, dude.

Mike Ditka

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    After a Hall of Fame playing career and a stellar coaching career in which he coached "Da Bears" to a Super Bowl win, we're pretty sure Ditka's mustache could beat you in a staring contest.

    We're actually kind of jealous the 'stache is associated with him, because we'd love to have such longevity with our own.

Barry Zito

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    It's amazing how a mustache can change your perception of a guy.

    Zito may have just won his second World Series title this past week—which he was clean-shaven for—but when he's got that fur going, he instantaneously goes from guitar-strumming hippie to a porn-inspiring badass.

Michael Jordan

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    With all the accomplishments MJ had during his playing days, one easily forgets that he often had the dumbest, most useless mustache in the NBA besides Kobe's duplicating act on draft night.

    If you've seen His Airness lately, it's unfortunate he still tries to maintain some level of the look.

Keith Hernandez

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    Much like Ditka, Hernandez's 'stache (luckily) isn't going anywhere. Not when you're recognized at trade shows and Met games with the thing.

    It's that prototypical Dad fur at this point, when you find yourself questioning what he'd actually look like without it.

Mike Schmidt

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    Schmidt is often talked about as one of the greatest third basemen to ever play the game, so it's only fitting he makes our list as one of the most epic mustaches ever.

    Thankfully, he's not shy about talking about how great it actually is.

Joe Namath

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    Ol' "Broadway Joe's" had some classic moments—from his prediction before Super Bowl III to his drunken mack laid down on Suzy Kolber—but we'd personally say his amazing fu manchu is right up there.

    In fact, the thing was so iconic that he was actually paid $10,000 by Remington to go back to his baby-faced ways.

    That's some serious props!

Randy Johnson

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    "The Big Unit" was a 6'10" behemoth who was known for his nasty slider following an upper-90s fastball.

    When you throw in that trademark mustache of his into the mix against an already intimidated hitter, you can see why he was so successful in his career.

Merv Hughes

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    While you're probably familiar with most of the other guys on this list, Hughes may come as a surprise. But just look at that 'stache, and you'll be quick to understand why he makes our top 10.

    As one of the most recognized Australian cricketers ever, we'd like to thank him for maintaining such a glorious upper lip for so long.

Bill Buckner

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    Just look at that picture, and you know why everything about Buckner's fur is just phenomenal. He's got more hair in that thing than some guys have on top of their head!

Marvin Harrison

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    Our old college roommate likened Harrison's mustache to NFL referee's Mike Carey's, perfectly prim and proper.

    They both seriously look as though they're a third lip because they're so perfect. 

Mark Spitz

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    Back in the day, Spitz had some serious swag.

    He had enough gold to make a jeweler jealous. And he had a mustache that rivaled '70s and '80s porn star John Holmes.

    We should all be impressed.

Hulk Hogan

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    One of "The Hulkster's" trademarks is that tremendously maintained mustache sitting on his face.

    We're not sure if it ever won him a match—though he did win 12 pro-wrestling titles— but you can bet it scored him some serious ladies.

Dale Earnhardt

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    Before his unfortunate death, Earnhardt was one of the most celebrated NASCAR drivers in history.

    "The Intimidator" is tied with fellow 'stache-repping driver Richard Petty with seven season championships, the most of all time. 

    As for the best mustache in NASCAR history, we're not sure who earns that title.

Goose Gossage

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    Gossage once had a fastball register as fast as 102 miles per hour. While that's insane to believe, we attribute the extra heat to the mustache.

    Why? We're not sure. Maybe because it's awesome. 

    Either way, dude's in the Hall of Fame.

Lanny McDonald

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    These days, hockey players grow facial hair for good luck during a team's playoff run. 

    Back in the day, though, guys wore their facial hair proudly and didn't care what part of the season it was.

    For McDonald, his lucky mustache took him all the way to the Hall of Fame, so it looks like he was the real trendsetter when it comes to hockey facial hair.

Rollie Fingers

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    When you think of a baseball mustache, you think of Fingers.

    We know there were plenty of guys going with the look back in the day, but Rollie's was special.

    It's no doubt he's in the Hall, showing off that fur for everyone in Cooperstown to see whenever they look at his plaque.

Robert DiPierdomenico

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    You may not know him, but "The Dipper" is one of the most popular Australian Rules Football players to ever play the game.

    As if that's not a badass sport by itself, DiPierdomenico made it a little more cool by showing up with the greatest mustache a professional athlete's ever had.

    Well done sir.