Greg Oden: Who Says the Big Man Can't Sell?

Who says the big man can’t sell? This is America, where there’s a market for any product.

I often catch the late night infomercials, selling anything from cutlery to the newest innovation in mops and brooms. I always found myself laughing at the ad that showed people wearing robes backwards, and marketing them as new-age blankets called “snuggies.”

I then laughed even harder when one was delivered to my house. It only gave more proof that in this country someone will always have an interest in something, regardless of how simple and foolish it may be. And if we think we’re getting a bargain, it’s over. We’re then left dangling from the hook with hands digging in our pockets.

The Portland Trailblazers watched one of those long running infomercials that featured a franchise player for sale. The ad ran for a span of 32 Buckeyes games, where they were mesmerized by its potential to instantly launch a team into a championship game.

Tired of getting outrebounded? Looking to establish a defensive presence? Then the “Oden” is for you! The Oden gives you complete control of the paint. Act now and we’ll include an additional 15 points per game, absolutely free!

When the Portland Trailblazers made Greg Oden the first overall pick in the 2007 NBA Draft, they were on the hook for nearly $8 million. And just like a lot of junk sold on late night TV, he’s spent most of his time on a shelf, serving no purpose. Those products just never work the same in your home as they did in the television model. 

But no matter how many items we have piled in drawers and closets, we simply can’t resist the temptation to purchase something new.

Oden took college basketball by storm, entering as a true freshman, limited to the use of only one hand (recovering from a high school injury), and still dominated the opposition,before losing to Florida in the championship game. That was the selling point. And as quickly as the ad came to an end, they had a buyer.

When the package arrived in Portland, it was carefully inspected, and they found that it was broken. Oden was sidelined for his entire rookie year with microfracture surgery. He managed to work his way back, appearing in 46 games this season, but of course, that didn’t last. A chipped kneecap put him back on the shelf, with the Blazers again left waiting for a return.

It’s buyer beware with every ad, and the Blazers should have known better. They passed on a fully operational Kevin Durant, who went on to become the NBA’s Rookie of the Year. What they purchased instead was a semi-operational nine points and seven rebounds, which is hardly worth the $8 million paid. And to make matters worse, it’s nonrefundable and has no value in trade.

Not to make comparisons of Kevin Durant to Michael Jordan, but the Blazers aren’t new to the ad scam. In 1984 they passed over Michael Jordan and selected the 7-foot Sam Bowie instead.

Bowie contributed 10 points and eight rebounds per game in his rookie season. Injuries then limited him to playing in just 63 games over the next four years. But they did get an NBA championship out of one 7-foot purchase, Bill Walton, though he also had an injury-plagued career.

As long as they’re in position for a top-five draft pick, and your product comes in a 7-foot box, you can type the words “Portland, Oregon” on the shipping label. Because even though they’ve fallen victim to scams in the past, the Blazers remain suckers for those quick-fix bargain ads.

Thanks to nationwide  television marketing campaigns, the Blazers now own a “Thighmaster,” a “swiffer-sweeper,” and Greg Oden. Who says the big man can’t sell?

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