MMA Figures and Their Game of Thrones Equivalents

Beware, bro. Geeks only beyond this point.

Still with me? Very well. Prepare for a grand and mystical journey.

Wavy lines/wavy lines/wavy lines

(Cello music)

Well, uh, hail! You there! Well met, and welcome to the land of Westeros. It is a land where life is measured in units of blood and gold. Success assumes no ambiguous forms. And I hear tell it is much the same for your mixed martial arts. 

I'm not going to be able to keep that going. Please try to control your sadness. As may have been apparent, I'm one of millions of avid fans of the Song of Fire and Ice book series, the Game of Thrones television show based on it, and MMA. 

And you know what? I'd bet those fan bases overlap a little more than you might think. That's certainly a true statement for the people who populate those worlds. Here are the 13 biggest and best examples.

Spoilage alert:  this covers materials that happened in the books, and not necessarily the TV show, yet. But worry not; I have a solution to propose. Read the bloody books. They won't bite you, I promise.

Randy Couture as Ned Stark

Two warrior patriarchs working to make sense of a world they never made, and succeeding in doing so far more often than the average person. But no human—not the Lord of Winterfell, not even Captain America—can do so every time.

Plus, they're both dead; Couture in the career sense.

Donald Cerrone as Jorah Mormont

Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

Both men are highly proficient fighters, but have a history of coming up just short when it matters most. Ser Jorah was exiled from Westeros and found himself with the Dothraki horse lords. Cerrone lost to Nate Diaz and found himself with the Jeremy Stephens.

And the closer each man gets to the center of power, the more likely he is to do something inadvisable. Whether it's Jorah falling into The Friend Zone with Daenerys, or Cerrone getting beat by Diaz or current UFC lightweight champ Benson Henderson (twice) before that.

Both men also seem to dig the equines.  

Junior Dos Santos as Khal Drogo

Two huge men capable of fearsome deeds, but equally capable of gentleness, especially when there are ladies around, unlike right now.

If we could somehow merge fiction and reality and have these two fight, how much money would you pay to see that? If you said "a lot of money," you are correct.

Joe Silva as Lord Varys

The Spider toils in the shadows, quietly nudging at the levers of power.

And then there's Lord Varys. Oh! Oh, my! What did I just do there.

Every wonderfully hilarious joke holds at its center the grain of truth. And it's fully true that UFC Matchmaker Joe Silva, The Man Who Would Not Be Interviewed, pulls the strings behind the curtain. He's a chief architect of the sport.

In Westeros, Varys uses his vast reserve of secret knowledge to orchestrate wars and pair people together in favorable combinations. So yeah, same thing as Silva. In fact, have you ever seen these two at the same place at the same time? I thought not.

Ronda Rousey as Cersei Lannister

Gold of hair. Fair of face. Ruthless of constitution.

Frankie Edgar as Beric Dondarrion

Beric Dondarrion made only a brief appearance in Season 1 of the TV show, but "The Lightning Lord" will apparently play a bigger part in the third season, set to premiere next March.

Beric Dondarrion can't be killed. Neither, apparently, can Frankie Edgar. The harder you try, the harder he comes.

Good luck making any headway with either in hand-to-hand combat. You'll likely have to chop off their heads.

Greg Jackson as Doran Martell

Doran Martell rules over Dorne, a Mediterranean-style region and Westerosi outlier. He is viewed by many—including his own people—as too calculating, too hesitant. While others fight, Martell and his soldiers languish on the margins.

But there's a flip side to that coin. Martell, cautious though he is, is nobody's fool. He has a game plan. Oh. He has a game plan. And it doesn't appear to be one of perpetual truce.

One imagines that before it's all said and done, the realm will hear bloody tidings from Dorne. Just as the MMA community does regularly from Jackson Submission Fighting. 

Brock Lesnar as Gregor Clegane

The biggest, scariest, sword-wieldingest (after a fashion) dudes on the planet. A one-man army. And also evil. EEEEEEEVILLLLL!

Plus, the actor who plays Gregor Clegane, Conan "Yes, this is my real name" Stevens, is also a former professional wrestler. Well that cinches it. 

Jose Aldo as Robb Stark

Robb Stark is young, but commands the entire Northern army. He never loses a battle. Aldo is a young phenom, capable of rallying men to him (see Nova Uniao).

It's been quite a long time since he lost anything on the battlefield. And barring some sort of Red Press Conference, Aldo's downfall does not appear to be forthcoming. 

Georges St-Pierre as Loras Tyrell

There are some inconsistencies between the Ser Loras of the books and the one of the TV show. I shall stick with the characteristics that are consistent across both. Got it? Good.

Ser Loras Tyrell is known as "The Knight of Flowers." He's the greatest, prettiest knight in all the land. He's the kind of knight who sends the minstrels running for their ballad-lutes.

St-Pierre may not have any popular lute ballads written in his honor (at least not that I can find on the iTunes), but he is the UFC's golden boy and most marketable fighter.

And he just so happens to be the greatest welterweight of all time. For both these men, the image is predicated on substance.

Anderson Silva as Mance Rayder

Mance Rayder is the King-Beyond-The-Wall. He hasn't played a huge role yet in the TV show (or the books for that matter) but make no mistake: he is a freaking boss. He may very well be the best.

If it wasn't for certain barriers, both physical and cultural, imposed and self-imposed, Rayder or Anderson Silva could be king of the world. Instead, like it or not, they do their work behind a wall.

(Photo h/t to artist Filipe Hattori)

Chael Sonnen as Tyrion Lannister

I like Peter Dinklage as much as the next fanboy. But this rendering is a lot closer to the book character I imagined. So that's exciting.

Anyway, why would Chael Sonnen be Tyrion Lannister? Because he uses his wits to get himself to the head of the pack. 

That's not to say either one of these men is an empty mouth; Tyrion is surprisingly fearless and effective in combat. But it's not why Tywin named him Hand of the King, and it's not why Chael Sonnen was dubbed Chief Rival of the King.

Bottom line: Tyrion Lannister is the best character in the series. Chael P. Sonnen is the best character in MMA.

Kyra Gracie as Daenerys Targaryen

Two young women. Each one the sole remaining (for all intents and purposes) member of a long-running family line that seized power by force and held it for a long time.

Now, for various reasons, their families have been knocked from their thrones. All the great kings are gone. It's up to these young ladies. Both travel the hinterlands, never quite willing or able to muster what they need to return home and claim their royal birthright.

Will they ever be ready? No one knows. But the realm, as it goes about its business, quietly watches, and waits.

Also, they are both hot. 

Follow Scott Harris on Twitter @ScottHarrisMMA.