Voodoo's Reflections: The 8 Worst Storyline Payoffs in Wrestling History (#8-6)

Voodoo MagicJun 7, 2018

Recently, I wrote an article predicting that the infamous Anonymous Raw General Manager angle may get a proper payoff at the 1,000th episode of Raw. Turns out, I was a couple of weeks early: the Anonymous GM was revealed on this past Monday Night’s Raw.

You see, it was Hornswoggle all along.

I…I don’t even know what to say about that.

In honor of WWE’s, um, fantastic payoff to a year-long, deeply involved angle, I was inspired to bring to all of you today the list of what were (in my opinion) the worst storyline payoffs in pro wrestling history.

Naturally, a lot of storylines in pro wrestling’s storied history have had lousy payoffs, but some of those payoffs were to angles that were never supposed to be anything other than pseudo-filler.

For instance, when Raven was being guided by a “mysterious ninja” back in 2001, the payoff was that it was Tori (who?) and the angle was quickly dropped.

It was kind of dumb, but Raven wasn’t a major player and this angle wasn’t anything important; therefore, while the whole thing was dumb, it wasn’t particularly damaging.

What I want to focus on are the angles that were supposed to be big for their promotions, but the payoff (or lack thereof) was so bad that hurt business. Money that could have been made was flushed down the toilet.

This look at eight of wrestling's more confounding moments will take place over the next few days. Today, I'll take a look at payoffs No. 8, 7 and 6.

So let’s get started…and, well, “enjoy.”

8. The Anonymous Raw GM Is a Leprechaun

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In the long run, the Anonymous GM angle was one of the least offensive payoffs we’ve seen, since the angle itself (while rather idiotic) didn’t really hurt anyone or anything.

Yes, the idea that the show was being run by someone who didn’t feel safe enough to reveal himself seemed preposterous (though, admittedly, it made storyline sense at the time, since Nexus had just beaten former GM Bret Hart to a pulp).

However, the angle ultimately seemed to be a tool to get Michael Cole (yes, the “tool” pun is intended) over as a major heel; for that, the angle was successful. Cole (and the infamous GM Alert sound) garnered unbelievable amounts of heat, more than many heels could ever dream of getting.

The reveal of Hornswoggle as the GM, while asinine, was more of statement of “you wanted closure, here you go, this is all we’ve got.”

I don’t really think there was ever a real GM behind the laptop, and while Hornswoggle has been played out to a nauseating extent, people had mostly forgotten about the whole thing, and it’s not like Hornswoggle isn’t over with a segment of the fans (so people at least will cheer for him).

So why include this angle and its payoff on the list? Because the laptop (and, ultimately, Hornswoggle) was in charge of WWE’s flagship show for an entire freakin’ year.

This was time that could have been spent getting a non-electronic performer over; instead, we got Michael Cole’s glasses and emails from some Anonymous GM who turned out to be a leprechaun.

One last thing on this topic. Hornswoggle being “revealed” as the Anonymous GM, coupled with Edge’s crusade to rid the WWE of everything stupid, has led me to say this to Edge: I will never say anything bad about you, ever again.

Thank you Edge, for (temporarily) relieving us of having to listen to a leprechaun with a laptop.

7. Vince McMahon Likes Torturing Himself

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Back in late 1998 and early 1999, at the height of the beloved Attitude Era, Creative decided that it was time for The Undertaker to become an actual demon and a “man from the Darkside.” He would turn heel, do wonderful things like try to embalm people alive and have his brother Kane committed to a mental asylum, and form The Ministry of Darkness.

Call it over the top, but the whole thing sort of worked. Maybe cutting open Dennis “Mideon” Knight and drinking his blood was a little, um, bizarre, but it got Undertaker and his minions (including Edge & Christian, Bradshaw & Faarooq, and others) over as major heel players in WWE.

One of the main people that The Ministry was feuding with at the time was Vince McMahon, who had turned face to some degree, never mind the fact that he was simultaneously feuding with Stone Cold Steve Austin at the same time.

Undertaker continuously tortured Vince by threatening an unknown woman who turned out to be Stephanie McMahon; Stephanie was almost forced to marry Undertaker in a dark ceremony before being saved by (you guessed it) Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Eventually, Undertaker revealed that he was actually not fully in control of the Ministry; he was actually taking orders from a “higher power.”

The “higher power” would turn out to be…Vince McMahon. The guy who Undertaker had been torturing for months turned out to be the guy who was telling him to…torture him for months. And kidnap his daughter.

You know, because this all made sense.

6. DDP Comes in with a Bang, Goes out with a Botch

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Back in 2001, after WWE bought out WCW, mysterious videos began running on WWE programming. These videos were from a man who was stalking The Undertaker’s wife, Sara. He was taping her, and ‘Taker, at their home, causing ‘Taker and Sara distress and giving us a storyline that would make The OC proud.

However, while the angle itself was stupid, the reveal was anything but: on June 18, 2001, the stalker was revealed to be WCW’s Diamond Dallas Page, who proceeded to cut one of the most underrated, most awesome promos in history of Monday Night Raw.

If you’ve never seen it, take a few minutes and watch it (it's the video attached to this slide). Go ahead, I’ll wait.

You’re back? Great. How awesome was that, right?

For a good seven minutes, DDP (the first WCW star to appear on WWE TV) had the audience in the palm of his hand, explaining why he went after Undertaker’s wife the way he did and his ultimate goals for being in WWE.

He also, in my opinion, did more for Undertaker’s “I’ll make you famous” catchphrase than ‘Taker ever did.

DDP went back and forth between face and heel, getting pops and boos intermittently throughout the speech and coming off as both a sick, sadistic sociopath and a consummate entertainer.

If anyone from WCW was going to be a serious threat in WWE, it seemed like it would be DDP.

Foul!

As everyone remembers (or as everyone has tried to forget), as soon as DDP’s speech was over things started going downhill.

He was absolutely savaged by Undertaker at King of the Ring 2001, and was beaten by both Undertaker and Sara over the course of the summer; by the time the Winner Take All match at Survivor Series 2001 came along, DDP wasn’t even a part of The Alliance’s team.

He would resurface in a motivational speaker gimmick, win the European title, and slowly fade into obscurity before letting his contract lapse in 2002.

Of all of the offenses committed by The Invasion, Diamond Dallas Page was probably not the biggest. It was, however, arguably the most disappointing.

Here was a guy who tore the house down in WCW, and while he would never be confused with Kurt Angle or Chris Benoit in terms of technical ability, his promos and personality could’ve led to him being one of the new top guys in WWE

Instead, he’s remembered for stalking a horse-faced looking woman (despite being married to a smoking hottie at the time), winning a low-level title, and then smiling a lot.

That’s not a good thing; that’s a bad thing.