NBA All-Star Weekend Has Come and (Thankfully) Gone

You know who likes talking about the "good ol' days"? Old people!

Pardon my French, but this All-Star Weekend blew chunks. And it had so much potential before it started.

A nice, juicy trade to get the weekend going. A myriad of controversial issues surrounding the host team. Fun conversations about players who might be changing teams in 2010 (apparently, July 1 of that year will ring like Judgement Day and change the landscape of the NBA for the next decade or so).

Instead, this weekend stunk to Holy-Mary-Tyler-Moore-Hell!

But I'll be nice and start with what did work.

The Good:

Shaq's dancing.

Beyonce's presence, with a young-looking Ray Charles.

Kevin Durant winning the Rookie-Sophomore Game MVP after shattering the single-game scoring mark. Absolutely sick!

The Bad:

Everything else, including but not limited to the following.

Shaq and Kobe acting all lovey-dovey again.

Hey Shaq, how does Kobe's ass taste? You should know, since you spent the entire weekend kissing it! Come on, man, not even Reggie Bush does that much CPR on a rear end!

Kevin Rudolf's performance.

"The NBA would like to thank you for performing at halftime in the Rookie-Sophmore game. You officially let the world know how awful you actually sound in person. Congratualtions! By the way, hire a new hype man on stage. Your guy asked the crowd to 'let it rock' one too many times."

(four times, if you're keeping track at home)

H.O.R.S.E., a great opportunity to catch up on some sleep before the Dunk Contest.

Jordin Sparks screeching the "Star-Spangled Banner" after Grant Hill's wife performed a beautiful rendition of "Oh, Canada". Sad moment for the U.S.

The general suckage of the Dunk Contest this year.

First, I don't know a single person from New York who thought Nate Robinson should have won. Dwight Howard clearly half-assed this year's event. And Rudy Fernandez should have been in the finals.

All in all, one of the worst competitions in recent history.

The uneveness of the ASG itself. Unbelievable!

Let me speak to the NBA players on everyone's behalf when I say this: Guys, we voted you in the All-Star game because you are the best ball players in the world. Now play against each other and give us a good, competitive game! Save all the sideshow tricks and cheap laughs for the first half!

We understand you don't want to get hurt, but at least play some defense. Honestly, was anyone happy that this game was over by the early part of the fourth quarter? Anyone?

Co-MVP to Shaq and Kobe. Kobe won the award.

Yes, I felt a little embarrassed for the guy (he took so many shots!), but at least he understood this was a game where fans want to see players step up and show their greatness.

Shaq, you were funny, but people came to watch competitive basketball.

The Ugly:

Craig Sager's suits, like always.

Craig Sager's unbelieveably awkward questions that had no chance of being answered honestly.

Kevin Garnett acting laid back despite being one of the most-intense people on the planet. Um, check out an interview he did with Gary Payton on NBA.com and tell me he isn't a little awkward with his words and body language.

Shaq's beard. Shave it already! You look like a black version of the bald clown in House of a Thousand Corpses.