NBA All-Star Weekend Wrap-up: Midget Dunking, HORSE, and the Bulls Finally Win

The NBA All-Star Weekend has come to a close, and I’ve decided to touch on a few of the events. If you ask me, the Saturday before the big game is the most attractive of the three-day NBA promotional tour. 

They could honestly skip the game and hold a three-hour concert, and spectators would be equally entertained, as long as the players' fans voted, as All-Stars were invited to somehow participate. Anyway, let’s take a look at some of what transpired over the weekend since the NBA entered the relaxation mode.

More appreciation for midget dunking

Saturday’s NBA All-Star evening was highlighted by the 2009 version of the slam dunk contest. The final round gave us David vs. Goliath, Superman facing kryptonite, defending champion Dwight Howard vs. upstart Nate Robinson.

This was the actual exclamation point of the weekend (though the game is supposed to be), as Howard converted the best jams with the highest degree of difficulty, even as his size presented a “style points” handicap.

No matter what the 6’11” Howard pulls from his bag of tricks, the 5’9” Robinson will always give a greater impression of flight, regardless of the dunk provided. The Knicks’ guard isn’t technically a midget, but in comparison to players on NBA rosters, some NBA coaches, and Amazon women, he’s extremely undersized.

Robinson scaled Howard's back for his final and most impressionable rim rattler. And though he used an arm to push off and launch above the waiting giant, the escalation and air between his soles and the hardwood floor were the keys to victory.

Howard’s poor choice of a finale—a leap from the free throw line—wasn’t impressive. His launch point was clearly in the paint and his physical length lessened the excitement. The most impressive dunk of the evening was Howard’s bank off of the side of the backboard, with a catch and jam.

If you don’t understand the difficulty of pulling off such a feat, I suggest you try it at home and count the number of attempts before that mission is complete, if you can perform it at all.

The Bulls win!

Let’s erect a new statue in the entrance of the United Center. The bronzed beauty can be Derrick Rose dribbling around cones or maybe a reverse dunk with a clock showing his obstacle course winning time. For the first time since Michael Jordan retired from the Bulls, Chicago found itself hoisting a trophy.

Rookie Rose won the NBA “skills competition,” and in doing so, there was a startling revelation for Bulls fans. The obvious key to Chicago victories is to have no defenders present on the court. If we can exchange opponents for orange cones, another NBA championship is on the horizon...maybe.

No more HORSING around

Oklahoma City’s Kevin Durant won the newly added H-O-R-S-E competition, though few saw the event. What was “new” should quickly become “old and gone.” Not only was the contest held outdoors, it was also featured during the day. If I want to see a daytime game of H-O-R-S-E played on the blacktop during sunlit hours, I might as well visit my local playground.

Gunned down at the OK Corral

Ok, it wasn’t technically held in Tombstone, but it was close enough in vicinity for me to use the hook. Raptor Jason Kapono was gunning for his third consecutive three-point shootout championship. And though he entered as the overwhelming favorite, it was Miami’s Daequan Cook emerging as the best long-distance shooter of the day.

The competition takes me back to a conversation that I had years ago with Kapono’s aunt. While Jason was still stroking for UCLA, she asked what his NBA future might be. In not so many words, I responded by telling her that her nephew was garbage and not likely NBA material.

Eh, everyone is entitled to be wrong—every now and then. And besides, that’s why cell phone service providers allow you to change your number.

Hey, rookie!

Before Durant was schooling in a game of H-O-R-S-E, he was making a group of NBA rookies look like A-S-S-E-S. The rooks put up a tough fight, but paced by Durant’s record-high 46 points, the sophs made it eight consecutive victories in this All-Star Weekend contest.

Best half-court shot goes to…

They call it the “shooting stars” competition, and it’s disguised as a team event that calls for competitors to sink shots from several stations on the floor. The reality is it’s a contest to see which team—made up of current and former NBA players plus a WNBA representative—can make a half-court shot in the least amount of time.

Detroit won this competition, not because they made layups, free throws, or 20-footers from the corner, but because Phoenix took longer to convert the shot from halfcourt.

Little T learns to share

Unlike the ball-hogging teammates that Terrell Owens has in Dallas, he finally found a group willing to share and “put the ball in his hands, if they want to win.” T.O. took home his second straight celebrity All-Star Game MVP after scoring 17 points in the East victory.

If Owens often aspires to win an MVP award, then Drew Rosenhaus has twice booked him in the proper event via the wrong league. Now, if they can only conjure up a way to replace the Cowboys' offensive coordinator Jason Garrett with “sharing” Coach Julius Erving, the un-appreciated pass catcher would be happy, and all would be well in Dallas.

Dancing with the stars

Oh, and there also was an All-Star Game that did not consist of TV celebrities, old-timers, or females, allowing NBA juniors and older to play. The game opened with a dance-off player intro—highlighted by the robotic Shaquille O’Neal flaunting his stuff. Digest that with your serving of Bruce Springsteen, Roger Goodell.

As usual, from the first tip, it was an up-and-down “concession basket” affair. It was then followed by an incredibly long halftime show and another 24 minutes of garbage time. In the end, the West eked out a 146-119 victory.

Former Lakers' teammates (and past subjects of the NBA’s most popular feud) Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O’Neal were named co-MVPs. I guess it’s difficult to see one performance standing out above the other when announcer Craig Sager’s attire leaves MVP voters with three quarters of spotted vision.

Until next time, that’s a wrap.

Join in the discussion on this and other topics in the NEW Sports Jabber Forums!