WWE Letter of the Week: A Letter to Brock Lesnar

 

The following doesn't entirely reflect my personal views. It is meant to be a comical, entertaining piece based on talking to wrestling fans everyday. Hearing from the fans, I've collected and analyzed different comments and popular viewpoints from them on the topic of Brock Lesnar. Every week will be a new letter to and from a new person. Enjoy. - LaBar

To: Brock Lesnar
From: Mark, the hardcore Internet wrestling fan

Hey, how is the “next big thing” doing? Can we still call you that? How about “the big thing” or “the big thing from the past” or “the I don't know what to call you thing because I don't ever get to see you because you hate travel and wrestling”?

Listen, I know you're married to Sable, I'm sure seeing her around the house is better than seeing the pimpled face of a John Cena fan, but at least keep that to yourself and pretend to care about the fans.

You came back the night after WrestleMania 28 to one of the biggest reactions ever. You captured the audience attention and the mainstream world.

You could have been ahead of the curve. You could have been the guy who left WWE just as UFC world was exploding and you could have been the guy to help sway some coolness back to WWE.

Instead, you came back, only for us to find out you signed a big-money contract to work what seems like The Undertaker's schedule. Is that the plan? You work the same amount of matches a year he works and then you two have a match at WrestleMania to see who rested better?

I know Vince McMahon is the one who ultimately agreed to your schedule and terms—we will deal with him on another day. You're the one who wanted those terms in the first place.

Again, can't you pretend to care about the product we get? After all, we're the ones who paid to see you in both WWE and UFC. Plus, we pretend to forget and never mention your failed attempt at the NFL with the Minnesota Vikings.

How difficult would it have been to just work RAW every week along with the monthly pay-per-view? Working more pay-per-views allows you and your awesome negotiating tactics to make more money and get some cut of the revenue.

I'm sure in addition to your great payday for just appearing, you're only going to sell more merchandise, which is extra money in your vacation fund, aka your life the other six days a week.

Okay, you worked your butt off in UFC. Let's make a compromise. You work every other month. It would be like simulating an accelerated UFC schedule for a WWE storyline. You work a feud for a certain amount of weeks, have the pay-per-view match, and I think you should go over to maintain as much of the UFC toughness as possible.

You can win the match, then say, “I'll now take some time off until I decide who my next victim is.” Go home for a few weeks, return and go at it with someone new. You do this all the way up until the big-money match against Austin or The Undertaker at WrestleMania 29.

You're not passionate about wrestling. You don't care about the history, but it's allowing you to get paid great money to fight for fake after you had to earn your keep in UFC where your opponent isn't trying to protect you in any way.

I know since you're the Paul Heyman guy, I'm supposed to like you, but you're really making me mad. Paul Heyman guys are suppose to appreciate wrestling. You probably treat your Jimmy Johns shorts better than you do the wrestling business.

Anyways, I'm planning on going to SummerSlam, where the rumor is you'll have your match against Triple H. I know Triple H will win because he's Triple H, and you don't care, you just want to get paid.

I'm going to hang around the hotel that weekend. I hope to see you. I certainly won't say any of this to your face. I'm definitely going to mark out when I see you in person, but know this letter is how I really feel.

Sincerely,

Mark, the hardcore Internet wrestling fan

P.S. Does Sable travel with you? And if so, can I get a picture with her?

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