Better Mustache: Dan Severn or Don Frye?

There’s not much cooler than a mustache. This is a universally accepted fact among men.

Not everyone can pull it off, but throughout history some of the best and worst have sported the 'stache.

Nietzsche, Stalin, Hulk Hogan, Chandler Bing, et al; all of these guys built their lives and reputations on their hairy upper lips.

Mixed martial arts have their own famous mustaches, with the two best coming down to Dan Severn and Don Frye.

Both are impressive, abundant and symmetrical. Both are also of the classic “Chevron” style, ala Tom Selleck. Say what you will about Magnum PI, but the dude rocked a serious 'stache and he was a major sex symbol because of it.

That style is the preferred one of American men. Every now and then, you’ll run into someone with a “Fu-manchu,” or even a “Dali,” aptly named after Salvador Dali, and there’s usually some sort of a social or political message at play, but ultimately most men who grow a mustache really just want to look like Sam Elliot.

Oh, come on, tell me you watched Mask and didn’t think Gar was the coolest guy you’ve ever seen. Okay, how about Wade Garret then in Roadhouse?

Liar.

Frye and Severn are good buddies and look like they could be brothers. Presumably over the years, they’ve even shared grooming and upkeep tips.

But this is a competition, and in every competition someone’s got to lose.

As impressive as Dan’s mustache is, Don’s is just a little more remarkable. It just complements the penetrating lunacy of his eyes much better.

Dan looks like the kind uncle who, if you get out of line, will put a hurting on you, but still gives you a $100 Outback gift card every year for Christmas.

Don looks like a guy who creeps into your house after you’ve left for work for a tryst with your wife, has a moonshine still and a firing range in his backyard, will take your $100 Outback gift card and is the mayor of his town—simply by intimidating his opponent into dropping out of the race.

Basically, Don doesn’t need a reason to put a hurting on you. His mustache makes him an outlaw and gives him a blanket mandate to do as he pleases.

None of that splendor would be possible if he didn’t have that glorious mustache.

So there you have it. Don Frye is hereby decreed the undisputed Mustache Champion of MMA.