Spring Fever: The Sports Doctor Returns!

Just like last year, the sports doctor returns with new ailments and prognoses. The doctor returns with the ultimate cure for the common sports. With that said, here are some new ailments that arrived on the doctor's desk over the last few months...

Bracketitis

An ailment that has been running rampant since the No. 1 spot has been left up for grabs, bracketitis has seemingly plagued every die-hard lover of hardwood since the turn of the year. With North Carolina flying under the radar, and Duke showing its multiple personalities every game, sports enthusiasts are turning their attention to a potential National Championship showdown involving two teams from the Rocky Top.

Tennessee and Memphis are trading blows and victories en route to the beginning of March Madness. Most likely, the committee won't stick these two in the same bracket due to the television draw a showdown between these two powerhouses could bring.

As for defending champion Florida, the Gators haven't been as powerful as coach Billy Donovan would have liked, but a strong showing in the SEC Tournament could lead to a victory both on and off the court for the G-Men.

Prognosis: It is the recommendation of the Bleacher Report medical board that anyone who suffers from bracketitis should stock up on popcorn, Fritos, beer, and kleenex because there will be plenty of celebrating, upsets, and heartbreak. If those kids bawling their eyes out in Chapel Hill is any proof, everyone will most likely suffer from this ailment starting March 20th with the Selection Show. 

Wall Bangia

This disease is one that many football fanatics suffer from after the Super Bowl frenzy runs its course. Unfortunately, there are those who are still skeptical about the ailment known as Wall Bangia. This ailment takes affect when Arena Football begins its season play. The San Jose Sabercats start their defense of the AFL Championship tonight against the Chicago Rush. After last season, this disease is a little more dangerous than before.

Symptoms of wall bangia include a bigger obsession with dodging walls in your home, kicking soccer balls into a smaller net, obsession with scoring as much as humanly possible, and signing autographs to complete strangers in grocery stores.

Prognosis: By order of the Bleacher Report Medical Board, Wall Bangia sufferers should practice more outside before moving anything inside. Sufferers should also practice falling on their beds face-first before running head-on into the nearest wall. Any fanatics of threading the needle should attend a sewing and knitting class before attempting a field goal in smaller posts.

Dime-A-Dozen (Figure it out, knuckleheads)

This one was a rarity last year except in parts of New York and Massachusetts. At least that was the case until this team from Colorado came out of nowhere and got all the attention. It has been learned that this disease has three simple remedies: Hot Dogs, Beer, and Alka Seltzer. For several months, fans find themselves obsessed with diamonds, rockies, and red and white socks...I mean, sox. 

This year will be no different as Hank Steinbrenner has already begun suffering from the disease with comments towards members of the Red Sox Nation. According to Hank, this is Yankee Country. It's hard to tell who's yard this is, but these kind of allegations come a dime a dozen. See why it's called that now?

As time passes, the sickness gets more and more aggressive as rivalries that usually belong on the field migrate to clubs, restaurants, theaters, drive-ins, and bars across the country. Welcome to Fight Club, gentlemen, and you're gonna have to fight to stay at the top.

Prognosis: The BR Medical Board is out to lunch on this one, but they all agree that the remedy is the same as before (beer, hot dogs, alka seltzer), only with more prescriptions of pretzels, chili dogs, nachos, bigger beers, and about 3 1/2 months of anger management counseling with the rival fan that got thrown out of the ballpark with you during the 7th inning stretch.

Burning Ring of Fire

This sickness occurs only at the end of March. When the NCAA Final Four is drawing to a close, many members of Arkansas' chapter of Toothless Rednecks of America will be fiddling on the porch and grapplin' with the rabbit ears on their TV sets. Why you might be asking? WWE's annual pay per view spectacular, Wrestlemania, hits your television screen hard...even with the added HD.

Professional wrestling's version of the Rose Bowl hits on March 30th, and the obvious most talked about match on the card is Floyd Mayweather taking on the Big Show in the "biggest" showdown that Mayweather has ever seen.

Also on the card is a battle between the two big brands of WWE, RAW and SmackDown! as Umaga and Batista represent their respective shows in a battle for brand supremacy. The main events consists of two big championship matches involving Edge taking on the Undertaker in a title against streak match and John Cena, Triple H, and Randy Orton battling for the WWE Championship.

Prognosis: Symptoms of this ailment include, but are not limited to, broken tables, dented chairs, jacked up ladders, possible title changes, and women ripping each other's clothes off. What more can you ask for? Remedies include your favorite WWE t-shirt, lots of beer, chamomile and lemon tea for your sore throats, and some massive cold showers for both guys and girls. And please get something for that burning sensation that you're feeling.

Those are the new ailments (some resurrected for funny affect) and hopefully that helps you get into Spring with some good motivation and good memories of the Ides of March.

*Warning: The Bleacher Report Medical Board is not a legally licensed medical board. Exercise caution when taking the recommended medication and don't call our doctors in the event that you get arrested while under the influence of our medication.