15 Major Transfer Rumors That Have No Chance of Happening

The European season still has a few weeks to go before the summer break.  A few title races still hang in the balance, but it's never too early to speculate about the coming transfer season.  

Every club will be looking to spend or sell.  Every fan will anxiously track the headlines, raid the blogs and stir the rumor mill with hopes of pulling in prized talents from all corners of the football universe.

But, it's important to separate fact from fiction, weed through the rumors to determine who's going where and for how much.  

After all, this is going to be a busy summer.  We've got the European Championships in Poland and Ukraine and the Olympics in London to satisfy the sporting diet.

Imagine the following:

You and your buddy sit down to watch the 100 meter final from London. Just as the runners are getting set in their blocks, your friends asks if you knew about Arsenal's bid for Lukas Podolski.

Panic strikes, followed by a hasty retrieval of your smart phone to verify this delicious, but unconfirmed, nugget of information.  

But, while your head is buried in your phone which is buffering on your go-to football website (I recommend the B/R team stream app), Usain Bolt runs the 100 meters in eight seconds flat for the gold medal.

Your buddy goes nuts, the stadium goes nuts, the world goes nuts, Usain goes dancing and you missed it all.

Don't miss Usain Bolt running the 100 meters in eight seconds.

Read this and you'll know some of these transfer rumors simply aren't going to happen. 

Eden Hazard to Anywhere but England

Eden Hazard, Lille and Belgium's dynamic winger, is arguably the most prized transfer target of the summer transfer season.  He's lit up Ligue 1 for the past three seasons with an attacking style and high-caliber technique that changes the game.  

In that time, Lille finished fourth in 2009-10, first in 2010-11 and are currently sitting securely in third place, on the verge of a second straight Champions League berth.

As early as two years ago, Zinedine Zidane wanted to bring Hazard to the Bernabeu, stating in an interview with Marca.com, "Lo llevaría al Madrid con los ojos cerrados."

Translation: He's really, really good. So it's no surprise that all the big clubs have been mentioned as possible destinations for the Belgian international.

However, barring a major surprise, Hazard will end up in the Premier League, not Spain next year.   Hazard said so himself back in January in a TV interview with Canal +:

"

After thinking about my next move, I'm leaning towards England. It's a style of play that suits me and it's there that you can learn the most. I want to play for a big club, but also one where I will play every week.

"

London rivals Chelsea and Arsenal seem to be the favorites in the pursuit of Hazard, but Sir Alex Ferguson recently made a personal scouting visit to see Hazard play, so don't count out Manchester United just yet. 

Gareth Bale to Spain

Gareth Bale's stock on the transfer market has risen and fallen in sync with Tottenham's movement up and down the Premier League table.  

When Spurs were riding high in third place, in hot pursuit of the Manchester leaders, Bale was a much talked about target of both the Spanish giants.

As Tottenham have slipped up and slid down the table because of a spring swoon that started with the 5-2 loss at North London rivals Arsenal, the talk surrounding the talented Welshman has significantly cooled.

Now it seems Bale may end up in the French capital with Paris St. Germain, rather than in either Barcelona or Madrid next year.  

Following a similar trajectory to Manchester City, PSG have recently come under ownership from Middle Eastern investors.  And like City, the French club is determined to splash a lot of cash around over the summer in order to turn them into a serious continental contender.

Bale's agent went so far as to tell Telefoot in France that "Bale is the type of player PSG need...But he is very happy at Tottenham."

But, ultimately Bale won't likely leave White Hart Lane over the summer. He might even be instrumental in keeping Harry Redknapp around and bringing in additional pieces for 'Spurs in 2012-13.  

Pato to PSG

Sometimes you have to look beyond the talent, the economics or the common sense that generally guides transfer decision making.  You have to look well beyond those standard principles in the case of Alexandre Pato and AC Milan.

After all, the Brazilian striker did nothing this year to support his own case, scoring only four goals in 17 appearances in an injury-riddled season with the Rossoneri.

He was on the verge of a January transfer to PSG.  Milan were simultaneously hoping to add Carlos Tevez before it all came apart.

Why?

These matters are never straight forward when dealing with a club whose president is the enigmatic former prime minister of Italy, Silvio Berlusconi.  

Well, Pato is dating a certain member of the Milan board and daughter of that club chairman.

That's right, Pato has been romantically linked to Barbara Berlusconi and for the moment—and foreseeable future—it seems as though Pato won't be going anywhere.

Mario Balotelli Back to Italy

Balotelli gets the second yellow at Arsenal after a disgraceful performance, sulks off the pitch and seems destined for a one-way ticket out of Manchester come the transfer season.

Roberto Mancini, the only manager who seems to be able to handle Balotelli's antics, even had enough, openly doubting Mario's future prospects with the club.

Hold on everybody.

Where's Super Mario going to go?

His year for City has been filled with highlights matched by head-scratching moments, but if nothing else, it's proved that only one manager is currently capable of handling Balotelli, the aforementioned Mancini.  

Indeed, after admonishing him after the Arsenal loss and openly questioning his future with the club, Mancini has backtracked.  

Now it's likely Balotelli will get back into the mix before the season is out and it shouldn't surprise anyone to see super Mario making headlines (both good and bad) at the Etihad again next year.

Lucas and Neymar to Europe

Lucas Moura and Neymar are the brightest stars in the latest crop of Brazilian talents.  

Like so many before them, the expectation is that they'll leave their domestic clubs, Sao Paolo and Santos, for the riches of big-club European football.  

But the times have changed in 2012.

Brazil's economy and confidence on the world stage is booming. They are due to host the two biggest sporting events on the planet, the World Cup and the Olympics, in 2014 and 2016.  The state of the game in Brazil is as strong financially, as it's ever been.  

The clubs who constantly sent their best players abroad due to financial constraints, now can afford to keep homegrown talent.  Players themselves, while realizing Europe is still the pinnacle of professional accomplishment in the sport, only want to leave for the ideal opportunities.

In fact, Neymar recently told Globoesporte this:

"

Staying here until the end of my career would be a good gift [to the club], because I'm a Santos fan. This is the team where I have grown up. I've been at the club since I was 12 and have a wonderful story here. I want to end my career here.

"

Lucas Moura Rodrigues da Silva is another star who is bound to flourish in the football cathedrals of Europe but who—for the moment—appears content showcasing his superior ball skills and speed in his home nation.

Radamel Falcao Away from Atletico

Atlético Madrid has long lived in the shadow of their city rivals, Real.  This year has been no different as Real has raced away from the rest of La Liga, save Barcelona, and into the semifinals of the Champions League.  

But Atlético has made the semifinals of a European competition as well, progressing to the last four in the Europa League, where they'll face Valencia.

And Atlético has their own goal scoring talisman in the form of Colombian striker Radamel Falcao.  

In fact, if Ronaldo and Messi weren't scoring goals like they were going out of fashion, Falcao might be the leading scoring in the Spanish league, having notched 22 thus far.

Not surprising then that Chelsea and Manchester City have been rumored as amongst the primary Falcao suitors.

But Falcao loves Spain and he stated as such to ESPN recently, "My move to Atletico was a personal choice and I am satisfied because La Liga is the best in the world."

Can't argue with that. Atléti is on the rise and they want the Colombian with them.   

Clint Dempsey to Arsenal

Clint Dempsey's had a banner year at Craven Cottage.

He leads the club with 15 goals in the league, 22 in all competitions.  

Dempsey's goal tally is not only the most by any Fulham player, but his overall Premier League scoring record (49) makes him the most prolific American ever to play across the pond.

So Dempsey, now 29, is being touted as a transfer target of the bigger clubs in the league.

Arsenal, along with the other big clubs, has been mentioned often in connection with the deep-lying forward.

I don't see Clint moving up to North London anytime soon though. He's thrived at Fulham through the middle of the park and Arsenal's wide play seems incompatible to that.

Also, Arsenal is loathe to buy players at the height of their market prices, which seems to be the case for Clint.  The Gunners have for the most part, and with a certain degree of success, brought young players in on the cheap with an eye towards development.  

Hulk to Chelsea

Hulk was a coveted transfer target at the beginning of the 2011-12 season.  Even when some of the outlandish sums that Hulk's agent was floating were being entertained by Chelsea at the height of Hulk hysteria.  

But, there's been a drop off in form from the Brazilian striker.  

He's only notched 15 goals in 36 appearances this year as opposed to 36 in 53 last year.

So naturally, the transfer talk has cooled substantially.  It also doesn't help the Porto striker's case that his former manager, Andre Villas-Boas, who so desperately wanted to bring him to Chelsea, was sacked back in March.

Hulk has since re-signed with Porto, but could still find himself playing in one of the big European leagues come next fall. 

Breaking Up the Napoli Trio

Edinson Cavani, Ezequiel Lavezzi and Marek Hamsik are three drivers in the offensive machine that's resurrected Napoli to relevance in Italy and Europe.  

They currently sit in sixth position two points out of the last European spot in Serie A.  With seven matches to play, the Partenopoi have plenty of time to close the gap.

Their final position in the table will largely determine how much spending or selling Aurelio de Laurentiis does in the summer.  

Either way. it will be difficult for a foreign or domestic club to pry away one of these attacking assets. Napoli has a particular love affair with South American players; Cavani and Lavezzi are approaching demigod status amongst the San Paolo tifosi.

Additionally, Eduardo Vargas, a young Chilean forward the club bought from Universidad de Chile in the winter transfer market hasn't impressed in limited action so far.  

Don't bet on any of the three leaving this summer, especially if Napoli gets a European spot in the final standings. 

Dede to Anfield

Dede is one Brazilian who is most likely leaving his country soon.  

His destination in Europe will most likely be England, but the rumors that Anfield will be his new home aren't going to come to fruition, unfortunately for Reds fans.  

The final end for this transfer rumor came when Damien Comolli, a major Dede proponent, left the the Merseyside club as director of football just last week. 

The comparisons of Dede to Manchester central defender Rio Ferdinand are only to grow when Dede moves to Old Trafford to first, place with, and then replace Rio.

While the change in style, from Brazil's technique-oriented game to England's speed and physicality may present some challenges to the big man, many believe he has the skills and discipline to anchor any Premier League defense.

It looks as though the only obstacle that stands between United and Dede, is the club that contributed to United's early exit from the Champions League this year, Benfica.  

The Portguese club is also in the market for Dede and many feel he may follow in the transatlantic footsteps of many of his compatriots who've ended up at the Estadio da Luz. 

Olivier Giroud Away from Montpellier

Olivier Giroud will leave Montpellier.

The young striker has earned the praise and speculation that comes with his breakout year.

He leads the league in goals (20) and has his team as the unlikely occupants of the first spot in Ligue 1 after 32 games.

But, the result of the team's unprecedented success is a Champions League spot next year and therefore the financial benefit, which may allow the southern French side to retain Giroud for one more year.

But, with a year of Champions League football at the Stade de la Mosson, Giroud will leave Montpellier after next year, after he has opportunities to showcase his skills on the larger European stage.

Montpellier chairman, Louis Nicollin, is keen to keep the 25-year-old striker or at least hold out for the best deal, saying, "He's a clever guy. One more season at Montpellier, especially in the Champions League, won't stop him from earning more money in the future." 

Juan Mata to Barcelona

Juan Mata has been the sole constant in a roller coaster season for the Blues.  

He's been their best player without a doubt and performed at a high level throughout the season.

He may have contributed to Fernando Torres's resurgence and has played a major role in the club's trip to the Champion's League semifinal and the final of the FA cup.  

So why would Chelsea send him back to Spain, to a club already spilling over with quality players, a club Chelsea will face in the Champions League semifinal on Wednesday and will likely play in many future editions? An unsubstantiated rumor from CaughtOffside is the lone news on the matter here.

They won't.  Mata should be a mainstay at Stamford Bridge for some time to come.   

Tevez to Italy

For a good portion of this year, Manchester City's fans couldn't wait to get rid of Argentinean forward Carlos Tevez.  

He fell out of favor at the Etihad when he refused to go into a September Champions League game against Bayern Munich.  

Mancini said he would never play for the team again and Tevez was banished back to his home country, where he spent the large majority of his time golfing.

He was, indeed, talked about during the January window ad nauseum.  

First, the Milan clubs, then PSG couldn't agree on terms with City.

So, when City's other problematic striker got himself banned again, Mancini called Tevez back into the lineup.  Tevez hasn't disappointed, scoring four times in two games, including a hat trick against Norwich on the weekend.

While Tevez's good play doesn't immunize him from a transfer away, I doubt Tevez will be a target again for the Italian clubs who won't want to deal with the Tevez saga again.  

Drogba to China

No one winds the rumor mill like Nicolas Anelka.  

Fresh from a surprise appointment to the coaching staff at Shanghai Shenhua, Anelka has hinted that he wants Drogba to join the Chinese club this summer as a final stop for his brilliant professional career.

Anelka told Le Journal du Dimanche, "I hope Selim Benachour [Maritimo] and Didier Drogba will quickly join us, I hope they come. It is up to the club to see if we have the right means."

While Drogba, 34, is out of contract with Chelsea at the conclusion of the season, I would have to imagine that the Ivorian striker and fourth all-time leading scorer for the club will determine is own future.

He can retire from football, he can join the MLS or he can play out one more year at Stamford Bridge.

But one thing that's not part of Drogba's future plans is China. 

Mourinho to Chelsea

Speaking of Chelsea.

The general assumption is that Roberto Di Matteo is simply keeping the manager's seat warm for Jose Mourinho at Stamford Bridge.  

The team has looked rather unified running out front of La Liga and cruising into the semifinals of the Champions League.

Mourinho has always been linked to high profile managerial jobs, regardless of his current position or status with a club.  

He will remain one of the most intriguing personalities in the game, always a catalyst for hearty discussions from the pub to boardrooms.  

And despite all that is said of his imminent departure from Madrid, the "Special One" won't be leaving Madrid to pursue the Chelsea job.

He's been there, done that.