Arsenal Football: Each Player (and the Manager) Described in One Word

The slide title is self-sufficient, no?

Having already taken this approach to each Premier League team more than a month ago, I decided to revisit this process (I have fun with it) and turn my attention to my favorite team, Arsenal.

There are characters aplenty within the side, which means that there are numerous occasions for some fun word play.

Here's how I see it. Leaving aside the squad players currently on loan, I took 27 players and Arsene Wenger and had some fun. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did (I'm just asking for retorts with that one).

Here goes.

Manuel Almunia: Ghost

Disregard for a moment (if you can), that Manuel Almunia looks as if he's seen a phantom in that picture.

The Spaniard has been as insubstantial as a wraith to Arsenal's fortunes of late, and this is without even mentioning the time Almunia left a practice session early to rush home to his wife, who said she had "seen a ghost."

Rough couple of years for the man.

Lukasz Fabianski: Dour

Maybe it's just the man's natural complexion (I'm sure he's engaging once you've met him), but he always seems to come across as a bit unhappy when seen in pictures and on-camera close-ups.

Fighting for a first-team spot that is becoming ever more far-fetched given Wojciech Szczesny's form since taking over as No. 1 in December, 2011 would render even the most chipper man somewhat subdued.

Fabianski is no exception.

Wojciech Szczesny: Joker

It happened nearly a month ago on Twitter. Either Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain or youth teamer Conor Henderson Tweeted something not-so-macho.

The response time, as always with that social medium, was instantaneous: people wanted to know what had happened to the player to make him, all of a sudden, so sensitive.

The answer was simple: Wojciech Szczesny is what happened.

The young Pole is well known as a practical joker in the Arsenal camp, Szczesny isn't one to leave any stone unturned when it comes to, well, one of his thoughts.

That sort of brazen approach might grate on some, but keepers are nefarious for being an unorthodox bunch to begin with. If "confidence" helps him stop goals, then so be it.

Bacary Sagna: Braids

There was one occasion (I believe Sagna was playing in a European Championship qualifier for France against Iceland in 2007) when the Arsenal right-back did not have his iconic hair extensions.

The visual took me aback, to say the least.

Yet that is in no way saying that Sagna is nothing more than a novelty act, someone known only for his outrageous 'do. He is an excellent defender, and a worthy steward for Arsenal at the right-back position.

Which says a lot, given some of the great names who've made their money there before him: Lauren and Lee Dixon to name but a couple.

Laurent Koscielny: Bart

It might be the (spiked) hair, it might be the facial expressions and exhortations.

Whichever way you swing it, Laurent Koscielny bears a near-unmistakable resemblance to the iconic Simpsons miscreant.

Thomas Vermaelen: Verminator

It's the sort of word that should make its way into the English dictionary, kind of like Stephen Colbert's "truthiness."

There are few better ways to describe the Belgian central defender's on-pitch demeanor, or the ruthless ability he shows when engaging in tackles.

He has the look of a born leader, and he never gives you reason to think otherwise.

If you're building a defense, there are few others you would want to start with.

Kieran Gibbs: Delicate

Yes, I was listening to the same-titled song by Damien Rice as I penned, er, typed this slide, but it made sense when I thought about it for all of five seconds.

Gibbs has struggled with injury ever since he emerged as a regular option in the first team for Arsene Wenger, and the current season has done nothing but reinforce that problem.

Carl Jenkinson: Fauxhawk

There are some things that should just never come into being.

Lord Voldemort was one of them. Carl Jenkinson's haircut (shown in this picture), while nowhere near as sinister, should have been buzzed by its barber as soon as he saw what he'd done.

Alas, there was no quick thinking of that sort, and Jenkinson's hair was allowed to go on and endanger the era of good feelings that has recently taken over at Arsenal.

Just kidding. But it is a really lame haircut.

Sebastian Squillaci: Meh

While it wasn't exactly excitement that flooded through me when the signing of Sebastian Squillaci from Sevilla was announced back in August, 2010, I must say that I thought the French defender, who boasts ample international experience, would at least provide some sort of cover in central defense, a position which was in sore need of some experience after the 2009-10 season.

I was proven wrong. Squillaci has been one of the most underwhelming signings I've ever had the chance of witnessing, providing neither confidence nor concrete aid.

He is sound technically, but does not possess the pace of Laurent Koscielny or the pluck of Thomas Vermaelen.

Put simply, he is as ill-suited as can ever be said for the Premier League.

Johan Djourou: Deliberate

That's the best spin I could think of without calling him outright "slow." Johan Djourou, a highly rated talent when he first arrived at Arsenal, has never hit the highs expected of him.

Now, no one was expecting him to be the next Kolo Toure, but he hasn't managed to make the slightest imprint on a consistent first-team starting place.

His inability to play any other position than central defense only hampers him further. Unlike Vermaelen or Koscielny, who can deputize at the side-back positions (however reticently), Djourou is ensconced in the middle.

Were he a suitable option there, we'd have a different story. But he's not.

Andre Santos: Positive

Maybe it's the Brazilian samba vibe, but Santos comes across as a genuinely good-natured guy.

Whether by Twitter or in the post-match handshakes, one imagines or sees a smile affixed to his face.

He is relishing his chance to play in the Premier League, which is exactly the sort of intrepid nature you want from a player currently in his first season in a new country. Santos has, by every indication, adapted with nary a hiccup.

More power to him. Laissez les bons temps rouler.

Per Mertesacker: Merchant

Not the occupational sort, mind you. Stephen Merchant, or the well-known collaborator of British comedian Ricky Gervais's.

He's gangly, he just looks like he'd have a good sense of humor. Kind of like Merchant.

This video only served to seal the visual comparison.

Abou Diaby: Spider

L'Equipe first offered this designation of the lanky midfielder of Ivorian descent during their squad preview ahead of the 2010 World Cup, when Abou Diaby was one of the players named to the 23-man French roster.

It's a fitting metaphor for Diaby's masterful ability to stay on his feet and keep control of the ball despite the best efforts of opposing defenders to extract it from him.

The spider designation also works considering Diaby's injury-riddled history. Both, after all, are quite fragile.

Mikel Arteta: Technique

Whether it's powering unstoppable free kicks into goal from 35 yards out, or distributing possession with uncanny precision, Mikel Arteta has one of the finest technical mastery seen in Premier League football today.

His first touch is always positive, his passing on point. Those attributes have helped the former Everton man make a near-seamless transition to Arsenal football this season.

Alex Song: Improvement

I debated for a long time between "hair" and "wristbands" as well—two of the more iconic things associated with midfielder Alex Song.

But it is his progression during his Arsenal career that is, in the end, most wonderful to behold. Seen as a likely center-back during his early years, Song has adapted to the role of holding defensive midfielder with aplomb.

It is a testament to his improvement technically as well that some Arsenal fans are clamoring for Arsene Wenger to move for Stade Rennais holding midfielder Yann M'Vila so that Song can be used in a more creative role.

He has eight assists this season in league football, tying him for seventh among all players.

Emmanuel Frimpong: Dench

If you follow him on Twitter, you're likely aware of "Dench" by now.

If not...well, follow him on Twitter. Emmanuel Frimpong knows how to use it more ways than a French chef does with spice.

All kidding aside, Frimpong has established himself as one of the more endearing young Arsenal players because of his loyalty to the side.

When Samir Nasri left for Manchester City in August, Frimpong was the first to slam the door behind him. He has embraced the outlook that if you don't want to play for Arsenal, you can get out.

And for Gooners who have preoccupied themselves incessantly with worry over the past few seasons, wondering whether or not their favorite top players will leave after the next season for greener pastures, that kind of attitude is welcome indeed.

Francis Coquelin: Smooth

Forget, for a moment, that this picture bears an uncanny resemblance to a certain Thierry Henry trick.

To compare Francis Coquelin to the Arsenal master might be too big a stretch.

But there is something to be said about the burgeoning young Frenchman's prowess in the technical area. He can deputize as a midfielder or a defender without ever sacrificing his positive approach to football.

His passing might be his most impressive attribute, and his positioning always seems spot-on. There is little wonder why, when compared to another future challenger for a midfield position (Frimpong), many fans tab Coquelin ahead of the Ghanaian.

Something about his game (a certain effortless ease reminiscent of Henry) engenders confidence.

Tomas Rosicky: Courage

It would have been so easy for Tomas Rosicky to hang up his boots during the most harrowing months of his lengthy (endless?) recuperation from a nasty muscle injury several years ago.

If comparisons are in order, even Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard contemplated retirement during the worst of his own recovery period.

Months spent away from the game, dredging up the desire to make it into the fitness center each day for what must seem tedious elliptical workouts, grates. And it grates hard.

But to his credit, Rosicky has come back to Arsenal—especially since January—as a man reborn. He is in large part responsible for why Aaron Ramsey, the first choice at attacking midfielder to start the season, now finds himself a more peripheral figure.

The Czech, now 31, has wowed with his distribution during this past few months, and has given Arsenal a little something extra in the way of ingenuity in the attacking third.

Jack Wilshere: Precocious

One might also consider "impish," given the young Englishman's facial expressions from time to time.

But there is no doubting just how good Wilshere already is at a young age. There is something of an old soul in him when he takes the pitch. Not in reference to a lack of mobility or a lumbering approach, mind you.

Wilshere does not get rattled. It's as if he's a 30-year-old veteran trapped in a 20-year-old's body.

Aaron Ramsey: Criticism

No matter what he's done this season, it has never been quite good enough.

Many observers, this author included, have taken to the blogosphere to lament the inadequacies of Aaron Ramsey at the central attacking midfield position.

To Ramsey's credit, he hasn't ever sounded off on that. He's kept his head down, and he's continued to battle for his spot. There are still flashes of brilliance to be seen—he had a phenomenal feinted turn against Aston Villa.

Here's hoping he can string some key performances together. After all he's been through during his career, I keep hoping that will prove to be the case.

Yossi Benayoun: Balance

Watching the Israeli midfielder/winger attack defenses is to constantly wonder how he does not fall over.

"Full-tilt" might be the best way to describe Yossi Benayoun's winding, wending runs, but to his credit he has a remarkable capacity to keep himself upright.

Ju-Young Park: Why?

The man with the hair wavier than the Atlantic Ocean was brought in from Ligue 1 outfit AS Monaco during Arsene Wenger's frenzied spending spree last August.

I had tracked the South Korean during the 2009-10 season, when I had lived in Paris and Park had still been with the principality side.

He is renowned as a quiet individual, but one who possesses a knack for finding the back of the net. While his 25 goals in 91 appearances for Monaco don't exactly pop out of the page, he seemed a savvy acquisition; someone who could provide cover at the forward position should Robin van Persie (God forbid) succumb to injury and/or Marouane Chamakh see his confidence waft away like the shisha smoke he apparently loves so dearly.

But Park has not played. He has made just one league appearance for Arsenal and few more in cup competitions, prompting many an Arsenal supporter to express the question phrased as a word in the slide title.

A deal was apparently already in place last August for Park to switch to last season's Ligue 1 champions Lille, (he had already completed the first half of his medical), only for the Korean to pull a disappearing act and jet off to London, where he eventually signed for Arsenal.

If you think Lille president Michel Seydoux was angered then, imagine his furor when he saw Wenger had snapped up his prize as an elegant window dressing.

Theo Walcott: Roadrunner

Never mind the comical positioning of the QPR defender to his left (our viewpoint), Theo Walcott has always had bags of pace. It just seemed that for a while, he didn't know how best to use it.

He also always seems to have a beautiful girlfriend in tow. Lucky duck.

While I often resist the temptation to murmur "Beep beep" whenever Walcott takes off on one of his trademark runs, the speedy winger does bear a certain resemblance when he gets flying.

Gervinho: Forehead

He's a great footballer, but it must be said that Gervinho, who joined Arsenal from Lille last summer, will always be recognized first and foremost by his most distinguishable trait.

Robin van Persie: Master

It takes an awful lot to earn that term, especially given the Dutch striker who preceded him at Arsenal.

But in the past year and three months, Robin van Persie has earned every right to that distinction. His left foot is just as sublime as ever, but he has added components to his attacking arsenal that have made him the scourge of England, and of Europe to a greater extent.

When you can't stop scoring like he is (aside from a recent goal "drought"), and you score the way he does, you can call yourself a master.

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain: Savior

He is obviously a precocious finisher, but it is the 18-year-old's on-field play that has caused the biggest sensation this year.

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain enjoyed a superb January and February, during which he bagged his first ever Premier League goals, and looked to have ensconced himself irrevocably into the Arsenal side.

Arsene Wenger has not started him for the past few games, but that has not stopped the English press from dubbing him the newest savior for the national team.

It seems to come with the territory if you're a talented teen who happens to be able to play for the Three Lions.

Perhaps Wenger is protecting his young prodigy ahead of what would surely be a grueling summer test. Either way, Oxlade-Chamberlain has announced himself on both the domestic and international stage.

It doesn't look like he'll be on the bench much longer in either domain.

Marouane Chamakh: Gel

The two Marouanes in the Premier League (Chamakh and Fellaini), both sport prodigious 'dos.

But it's Chamakh's that must have the product stylists clamoring for a marketing sponsorship.

If only his on-field play were as slick as his coiffe, Arsenal might really be onto something here.

Arsene Wenger: Urbane

While his heavily accented English lends credence to that line in Talladega Nights, where Ricky Bobby informs a bewildered Jean Girard (also French) that "it sounds like he's got peanut butter stuck to the roof of his mouth."

All joking aside, Wenger's comportment this season (the recent UEFA ban aside, and the one before as well..) has been incredible considering the amount of tripe and vitriol he's been subjected to.

It makes sense, given the number of times he's been around the block. Wenger has always exuded a sense of class from the sideline, but it's his big-city, patient approach to the game that has been most on display this season.