Bleacher Creature On Location: The BCS Title Game, Pt. 2

This article is a continuation of my trip to Miami for the BCS Title Game. We pick up where I left off on the night before the game. You can find Part One here.

7:21 pm We pull up to fan fest with Scott’s friends, a friend he grew up with (a Noles fan and alum) and her boyfriend, a Trojans fan from San Diego.

We ran into about no less than a dozen scalpers from the parking lot to the gates of Fan Fest selling either Fan Fest tickets or commemorative ticket holders.

7:29 pm We make our way to the beer booth. If there’s one thing I remember about the fan fests in New Orleans in ’04 and ’08 is that they’re not that great.

Apparently, it’s not just that way in the Big Easy.

The crowd was probably about 1,500-2,000 people while I’m sure they were hoping for closer to the 10,000 range. Of course, it’s also about to rain.

But hey, as long as the beer’s cold, Scott and I can have a good time just about anywhere.

7:31 pm We make our way to the main stage. At this point Oklahoma’s band and cheerleaders are leading a pep rally.

7:33 pm USC fan finishes his beer.

Whoa, what are we racing? These are like $7 dollars a piece. (Plus we’d been drinking since 3:30 at this point)

7:34 pm We head back to the beer booth while Oklahoma comes off stage.

7:36 pm Back at the main stage the crowd prepares for the Florida band (“The Pride of the Sunshine” I think, I don’t remember and I’m too lazy to look it up) to cut a path through them.

7:41 pm The Gator part of the pep rally is in full swing and Scott and I decide that two of our least favorite cheers ever are “two bits” and that “Go Gators” cheer. Actually the worst is “It’s great to be a Florida Gator!”

But we talk to a Gators' fan who is really nice but very uhhh Gatorry let’s say. Dude had a ball cap straight out of 1992 and a Marlboro man mustache and jean shorts. But he was an amicable gentlemen and I understood about every fourth word he said.

He sees our LSU gear and says, “We’re gonna take it for the SEC!” We then high five goodbye.

Scott’s friends look at us strangely as the guy walks off.

“We really don’t care who wins,” Scott says.

“But we have to pretend like we’re pulling for Florida, unless I think we get kicked out of the conference,” I say.

7:50 pm Back to the beer booth as the Florida contingent makes their way off of the stage in preparation for the Fan Fest headlining band, the All American Rejects.

8:03 pm All American Rejects (or AAR as the kids call them) take the stage. I get excited as I’m sure they’ll play the one or two songs I know by them.

8:24 pm First off, AAR has like six songs I know. Wow, I had forgotten they had done some of these. Also in the first 20 minutes of their show, they’ve dropped about six f-bombs to crowds of people (mostly families) from Oklahoma and Florida. You should see the look on the faces of the parents with small children present. The lesson: AAR is no Jonas Brothers or Miley.

8:26 pm Back to the beer booth and a startling discovery, they are closing. But the guy who’s been selling to us who we’ve been friendly to says “The cops came around so we had to shut down. But meet me over there” he motioned with his eyes over to the tent area.

That’s where he served us our last round at Fan Fest all Cloak and Dagger like. That beer tasted the best for some reason.

8:37 pm While walking to the exits, Scott decides he’s going to totally destroy this big abandoned football inflatable. The inflatable itself is like a field with a tackling dummy in the middle that you’re supposed to avoid but Scott is aiming right for him with a running start.

Boom!!!

That dummy never had a chance. The inflatable I mean.

Did I mention it’s been raining on and off for the last half hour? If not, that’s semi important because all that rain had pooled on the inflatable and now Scott is soaking wet up one side of his body. Good times.

8:38 pm After a bathroom break, we exit Fan Fest about 20 minutes before closing time and walk to another area.

8:50 pm Our guides point out that we are in the Bayside area of Miami which prompts…

Scott: “So where are Zack and Kelly?”

Me: “Yeah, do Slater and Screech live here? Is Jesse still hooked on speed??”

We think we’re not only hilarious but adorable as well.

9:29 pm We walk through some kind of mall looking place that reminds me of an outdoor New Orleans Riverwalk. Scott and I then discuss the fact that New Orleans obviously stole the name “Riverwalk” from San Antonio and that not coming up with an original name for that area was just lazy.

We spend the rest of our walking time coming up with another name for the New Orleans Riverwalk. We were unsuccessful.

9:43 pm We walk to this bar named Sharkey’s. Metallica’s “Trapped Under Ice” is ending on the jukebox and it’s followed by Metallica’s “Battery." They also have a beer called Yeungling (sp?) that I can’t get in Louisiana. Rock on!

9:56 pm I get a call from the wife to check in. She and the baby are doing fine. Am I any less of a man if I miss my daughter after being away less than 24 hours??

(Note to self: See if I can get a good deal on a pony while in the Miami area).

10:09 pm The music got progressively worse at Sharkey’s (it was hard to get better I mean c’mon) so we headed back to South Beach.

10:21 pm I don’t know where we go next but there’s definitely an Irish Pub feel to this place. We order pints. I step outside to do a podcast interview with some buddies by phone. I’m sure all 24 people listening enjoyed my half sober ramblings and prediction.

10:48 pm This is where Scott’s rookie mistake is coming back to haunt him. He barely touched his food earlier meaning he’s eaten nothing all day and basically drinking on an empty stomach which he himself calls “a 16 year old girl kind of move”.

Scott: My bad, I’m better than this.

Me: Don’t worry man, all-pro receivers drop balls every once and a while.

10:55 pm A group of Florida sorority girls sit in the booth next to us. Let’s pretend they appeal to the eye just a bit. For some reason they want to take a picture with Scott and myself after succumbing to Scott’s charm. Until they see my LSU shirt and then refuse.

On one hand I respect their fandom and on the other I thought they totally sucked.

I turn to Scott and say, “I’ve been spurned by prettier girls than them before.”

11:45 pm It’s been a long day and I have a drinking partner who is done and finished. We head back to the room just in time to watch SportsCenter at midnight. I however head back downstairs next door to tear up some Johnny Rockets, my preventative hangover solution. Just so you know it worked like a charm.

12:17 am A commercial comes on for the Snuggie blanket which if you haven’t seen it is a blanket you wear.

Me: “I think the only thing this product accomplishes other than keeping you warm is making you look like a cult member.”

It’s possible because of the cult comment Scott made a “Dragnet” reference (the movie with Akroyd and Hanks) which would always lead us to referencing “the virgin Connie Swayle.” Have I just about ostracized everyone reading this now? Awesome, let’s move on… (the four or five people that get all these references are really my target audience)

We then talk about the Amish fireplace infomercial and how they state in the commercial that the Amish didn’t want to deal with department stores to sell their wares because they are a private, simple, and proud people to which I comment.

“However they have no problem with a televised half hour infomercial.”

12:29 am We then both decide we really want a Sham-Wow and wonder if they work as good as advertised.

Kind of a sad last thought before bedtime.

12:40 am Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

GAMEDAY

The next morning is fairly uneventful and it’s filled with Scott recovering and myself grabbing us breakfast which we eat while watching all the pregame coverage on ESPN.

After that, I type away on the computer to the good people of B/R. We were originally going to the stadium around 1:00 to tailgate but our hosts got a late start. While we wait for them, we walk across the street to the beach.

I will point out that we’ve been informed that there are “clothing optional areas” along the beach. Either we are staying across the street from one of those areas and it’s not marked or there are a bunch of rogue women in our area who can’t be held back by such restricting rules. We decided not to report them.

After having such a welcome sight grace in our eyes, the karma Gods decided to even things out on our walk back to the hotel. Because walking across the street from us in a black thong was a guy who should never wear a thong…ever. He had white sandals on to complete the ensemble. No man should ever wear a thong, but this guy really should not have worn a thong.

Scott and I then debated on whether or not he knew what he looked like or what he was thinking while choosing his look for the day. I theorized that he’s probably richer than everyone on this beach and when you’re loaded like that you really care little what other people think about you.

Me: “He’s probably on his way back to his room to sleep with (I probably used a different verb) his super model girlfriend.”

After that, Scott and I headed over to Dolphins Stadium on our own in fear of bad traffic which two sets of locals had warned us about.

2:09 pm Our GPS system’s voice, who we’ve named “Betsy,” guides us to the stadium. Traffic was not bad at all. Scott and I speculate on what type of woman Betsy would be if she was a person and not just a voice. We assigned her a personality and relationship tendencies. Scott decided at one point that Betsy was smothering him.

2:36 pm We arrive at the stadium in a pay parking lot. $40 to park, good lawd that’s a lot of money!! How about I put on an orange vest for 15 minutes and help ya out and I’ll give ya twenty bucks??

2:40 pm We walk amongst the fans from both sides checking out the tailgating. While I wore a white polo the night before with a modest LSU logo on the left chest, today I’m in my TDT Tailgating shirt which is LSU gold. I stick out like a sore thumb. I was easily the only person wearing that color that day among the 70,000 plus.

I get many puzzled looks during the day but never had any confrontations much to credit of fans from both sides, especially the Florida fans who I thought would’ve devoured us by now.

2:59 pm “LSU fans?? What are y’all doing here?” asks a Gator Fan in a curious but playful manner.

Me: “We’re lost but I was told there would be beer and football here so we’re sticking around.”

It was met by a polite laugh.

That turned into my stock answer the next 10 times we were asked.

3:03 pm Scott and I come across a female Florida fan with a male blow up doll. She is interviewed by some local news channel. She is looking for tickets in a creative way I guess and no I don’t mean that in the way you’re thinking, the doll is merely her companion for the day.

Her sign says “My friend and I need tickets.” Would the doll need a ticket to get in? In my head, I thought about that scenario playing out for the next five minutes.

3:33 pm My favorite sign is actually a tote board stating:

BCS Jorts Scoreboard

Florida fans 13

Oklahoma fans 4

Nice.

3:42 pm I’m sure I’ll be shunned by my home state for saying this but while walking around and enjoying the ahem…scenery I said this to Scott:

Me: Dude, I think Florida girls are hotter than LSU girls. There, I said it. I can’t take it back now. It’s out there.

Scott: I don’t know, man.

Me: Is it just me or is it because I’m surrounded by LSU girls more often I take them for granted and I notice girls a lot more on trips such as this?

Scott: Maybe it’s that. Like when we went to Athens in ’04.

Me: Ohhhhhh my Lord, those girls were amazing!!!

Scott: Even if they’re not as hot, I mean its pretty close. And in this kind of competition does it really matter?

Me: True, I mean it’s not like we’re comparing girls from like Florida and girls from Duke. Realistically, it’s just another group of hot girls from another state that would never give guys like us the time of day.

4:01 pm Our hosts show up and set up shop and the next few hours are spent eating and drinking and goofing off. Nothing to see here, we’ll just fast forward a bit.

We did make friends with our Gator fan neighbors. Scott considers going back to the car to get a long sleeved shirt. He doesn’t and he regrets it later when the weather drops to 55 degrees.

7:25 pm We head to the stadium and our seats. While walking up the ramp, the Florida fans are the majority doing the “Orange, Blue” cheer.

“Orange……………Blue!!!!!” (repeat)

Which is parodied by a nearby UF fan, “Mormons…..Jews!!!”

I chuckle.

7:39 pm We get to our seats. I’m not the smallest guy in the world but Scott is a pretty averaged sized human.

Scott: “Was this stadium built when the average human was smaller, say like 5’6” 140 pounds? Was that back in the 1300’s?”

I sit next to an Oklahoma fan who is about the same size as me maybe a little fatter but a little shorter.

Awesome.

(Side note: He ended up being a really nice guy and we talked a lot of football during the game. I never got his name, but I actually ended up talking with him more than I did with Scott.)

8:08 pm Oklahoma wins the toss and takes the ball (don’t worry, I’m not doing a whole game recap here.)

8:09 pm On the first play Oklahoma is stuffed for no gain.

Scott: “Florida by 30.”

8:10 pm On the next play Bradford hits his WR (Iglesias I think) for a big gain and a first down.

Scott: “Oklahoma by 30.”

8:41 pm About 20 rows up from us, tempers flare. Cops show up. People are escorted out. Hopefully they weren’t out too much money for their tickets since they got to witness about a half a quarter of this game.

8:50 pm I get a text from my buddy and fellow tailgater Toby who writes, “Don’t know if this has been stated but the head ref tonight is the one from last year who threw a flag on a guy for “giving him the business…” (Youtube that if you don’t know what I’m talking about.)

Also I’m not sure what time it was but on Tebow’s first INT, these words escape my mouth…

“And that ladies and gentlemen is why Tim Tebow may be prayed to on Sundays but will not play on Sundays.”

That throw was awful, it was like time stopped and the Sooners had all the time in the world to get to it. That throw needs to be on a rope in the NFL. Instead it looked like the ball boy had enough steps to get in between it and the receiver.

Also I’d like to point out that the crowd has been great. Gator Nation was loud and well represented and the Sooners made some noise for being so outnumbered. However, and the game went on. I think both sides got too nervous to be loud. But the electricity and tension was definitely noticeable.

I can totally relate. I talked with Scott before the game about how nice it was going to be to watch a college football game in which we had no rooting agenda. Just great college football. It was agonizing watching LSU play in the title games the last few years, if we’d lost either of those games, I may have had to be committed to mental institution for a short period of time.

That’s why I give so much credit to the OU fans who all pretty much acted respectably after the contest. But I also know the teams that get to go to this game are luckier than most teams in the nation so maybe I’ll shut up now.

(We fast forward to halftime)

10:13 pm I send a text out that reads, “Worst….halftime show……ever!”

And it truly was. No big name entertainment just some dancing to assorted songs like “Conga” from Miami Sound Machine. I now think Miamians know what it’s like for Louisianans when we see movies like “Water Boy” or TV shows portraying New Orleans as having bayous one block over from Bourbon Street or jazz funerals 24 hours a day.

I promise you, I don’t know voodoo.

Stereotypes can be hurtful when they’re not funny, people. And if I know one thing, it’s that “Water Boy” wasn’t funny.

There were constant fireworks throughout the show and the budget on fireworks could have been spent on someone that the kids love that I’ve never heard of like Ashlee Simpson. I hear the Miami area loves her.

11:12 pm I am surrounded by great fans Florida and Oklahoma alike but there’s a pair of Gators behind us who are a little annoying. They get frustrated on just about everything and they voice it as well.

Their ignorance is like nails on a chalkboard. Basically, you can be indignant if you know the game but don’t be an idiot and obnoxious all at the same time.

At one point earlier this fan and his girlfriend/wife are yelling at the OU player who grabbed a facemask near the end zone (a penalty that was called by the way) which prompts this exchange:

Him: “That’s just dirty. OU is dirty. You see the way they play, that’s just dirty. They’re dirty.” (He says it in a manner that’s meant to taunt the OU fans around us)

Me: (I half turn around and jokingly try to diffuse him) “Well when your players are that fast, the other team just tries to reach out and get a hold of something…anything they can.”

He looked at me like he wanted to hit me. He didn’t. I guess he’s not that dumb.

11:22 pm Let’s face it, if they didn’t have a few mistakes, Florida would be totally controlling this game. Oklahoma has failed to score inside the red zone twice. Florida’s defense was as advertised but give some credit to the Sooners' defense as well.

11:25 pm (time estimated) Florida’s been hit with multiple offensive penalties both perpetrated by No. 75 (Trautwein) which gets that Gator couple above me going:

Him: “Dammit 75, what’s wrong with you?!! 75’s gonna cost us the game! You’re playing like garbage 75!! You don’t belong out there 75!!”

His girl: (who’s equally knowledgeable and charming by the way) “What is wrong with 75??!!! If you can’t play, get out of the game!!! Put someone else in!”

Which prompts me to lean over to Scott and say:

Me: “If you’re at your team’s National Championship game and you don’t know your starting tackle’s name you shouldn’t be allowed to attend the National Championship. And if you do attend, you shouldn’t be allowed to speak out loud.”

Luckily it didn’t taint my view of Florida fans.

12:02 am At this point poor Scott is freezing. I don’t have this problem as I am what Scott refers to as “the Yeti." Cold doesn’t bother me.

We are invited back to the tailgating spot but we are contemplating leaving and heading back to South Beach and to warmer clothes. Of course, this is after Florida steps on the throat of OU with under three minutes left.

I say, “This stadium is 70% Gator fans that will probably stay for the trophy ceremony to follow. If we wanna bounce, now’s the time.”

We leave with a minute left, sorry die-hards, I missed a couple of kneel downs. Sue me.

It took us literally five minutes to walk to the car and another five to get on the Interstate. It was the best post game traffic I’ve ever been associated with. Scott and I feel like we got away with something.

12:45 am Our GPS, Betsy, faithfully guides us back to our hotel in South Beach. Both Florida and Oklahoma fans seemed subdued after the game. Maybe they were tired. It was a long day.

In fact, I expected more craziness in general. The rest of the night was laid back. Scott and I walked up and down looking for a party but settled for a drink. We looked for a place to stop and toss back another Mojito.

He says, “Let’s just stop at the next place that offers us two for one,” (which is just about every place in South Beach).

We did and spent the next hour or so drinking a fish bowl sized glass filled with the best Mojito I’ve ever had. There were no prices on the menu by the way. Our warning siren never went off. The drink was huge but we were nursing it pretty well talking about the game and Scott’s upcoming wedding and bachelor party.

Then we get the bill which is placed in front of me. I look at it and my eyes grew wide.

Scott: “What is it like $30 for two drinks??”

Me: “Uhhh, double that.”

They charged us $68 for two drinks! And when we mentioned to the waiter that we thought it was two for one he said that is true only if you order dinner which the kitchen closed conveniently 10 minutes after we’d arrived.

They also automatically added the tip which makes sense. After being swindled, I’m sure patrons aren’t in a giving mood with their wait staff.

So there you go, I set a new personal record on this trip. The most I’d ever paid for a single drink: $34.00.

And not one lap dance to show for it. I will say the drink was good though.

By the way, the over/under on number of strip clubs Scott and I would visit on this trip was set at four by Vegas. Actual number of strip clubs we visited: Zero. Impressive, eh?

Scott and I have a few more drinks at random establishments and call it a night but not before tearing up some Johnny Rockets. We found out they closed at 4 am. We know this because it was almost 4 am. After we got our food we went back to our room to kill hamburgers like David Hasselhoff and we fell asleep shortly thereafter at about 4:30 am.

The next morning we prepare to go back home and want to get some lunch before heading to the airport in Fort Lauderdale. I decide that we should hit my favorite spot in Lauderdale before we fly out which is “Shuck and Dive’s” a little taste of Louisiana in South Florida.

On the way to Lauderdale, we accidentally restore the factory settings on the GPS turning Betsy’s voice to something less welcoming and more robotic. We name the voice “Agatha.”

Agatha only exists for a few miles until we realize how to change voices and we change the voice to a British female who already has a name “Emily.”

The rest of the time until lunch is spent doing two things:

1) Debating which of the GPS women we preferred, discussing their made up personalities and demeanor in the bedroom.

2) Coming to the conclusion that the Sirius radio station “Hair Nation” is the best radio station ever invented.

The entire three days in the car, the radio was set to “Hair Nation” in which time we heard such greats as Motley Crue, Poison, Dokken, Autograph, Ozzy, Warrant, Faster Pussycat, Ratt, Cinderella, Van Halen, Guns N’ Roses, Judas Priest, Slaughter, Def Leppard, XYZ, Dio, Skid Row, LA Guns, Queenshryche, and Scorpions. And those are just the ones I remember.

It was freakin awesome! I haven’t gotten my XM radio fixed since the merger with Sirius. I really need to get on that.

After lunch we headed to the airport and experienced that end of the trip low feeling. I thought it’ll be nice to see my wife and lil' Samantha again.

3:11 pm We get on the plane (a big one) to catch our connecting flight in Atlanta. On the flight here a couple of days ago our plane was a newer model and had the headrest TV’s. We played trivia the whole flight over in which Scott and I totally dominated our Florida and Oklahoma competition because that’s how we do.

This plane was an older model. In fact, there were no TV’s. So there were no games or entertainment. In fact, there weren’t even personal vents in order to get your own air like in every airplane built since 1980.

Scott and I joke about our situation…

Scott: “Do you think this is the original airplane? I think this is THE original airplane at Kittyhawk.”

Me: “I think if we look hard enough on the walls we could find ‘Orville and Wilbur were here’ etched into the sides.”

Scott befriends the Oklahoma couple in front of us talking about the game and the Sooners' shortcomings. Every OU fan we have come across is humbled in defeat. We feel bad for them but they are all taking it extremely well. Some almost expected it. I would be way more devastated if I had been them especially if I made the trip only to go home with a loss.

(Side note: OU fans almost to the person will take any opportunity to berate Texas. They could be talking about how much they hate Les Miles or some other team but there point always ended with…”At least they’re not Texas.” One couple said they had heard how obnoxious UF fans were but they are nothing compared to Texas fans apparently. Of course when taking in opinions about other fans bases, always consider the source.)

Back to feeling sorry for OU…

I thought to myself that the Buckeyes and Sooners should play in a BCS game next year so at least one of the two are guaranteed a win.

There’s nothing really notable about the rest of the trip unless you want to hear about the magazine articles I read on quiet flights. Yada Yada we get to Atlanta…yada yada we get back to Baton Rouge. Trip over.

Overall, we had a great experience and time fah-leewww by. We blinked and we were back home.

I wanted to give y’all something different, I wanted you to experience the trip with us. I could re-hash the game but what am I going to say that hasn’t been said yet??

Florida was the better team that night and fulfilled my prediction back when the Gators destroyed my Tigers of “If this team plays like this rest of the season, they’ll win the National Championship.”

They turned my deflated post-game fan speak into a prophecy.

They did it with a great defense that put pressure on Bradford and DB’s who jammed WR’s at the line. On offense, they had a certain No. 15 who provided the heart and a certain No. 1 who gashed the OU defense that really put up a great fight in a losing effort.

Bottom line: If Oklahoma would’ve capitalized on the gifts they got from Florida this would have went another way. But the fourth quarter came around and even with a tie game with twelve minutes left, UF always seem to take any momentum the Sooners created, away on the following drive. Florida has too many weapons on offense and not only that, they have a defense to match. Ball game.

I don’t necessarily consider this a referendum on who the best conference is, but scoreboard is scoreboard.

Our host from USC commented at one point on the first night, “ESPN and the rest of the nation is biased against the west coast. There’s such a build up that any team that survives the SEC belongs in the National Championship, like it’s an automatic bid. Why does the SEC champ always get put in the Championship game?

I didn’t answer at the time and just let him have his rant. See, it’s funny because LSU fans thinks the media loves USC so it’s funny seeing how the other half live.

Fast forward to the next night after the game I thought aloud his question to Scott:

Me: “Why does the SEC champ always get put in the National Championship game?”

I answered myself, “Because an SEC team keeps winning it.”

(Thanks to B/R for making this experience happen, a great time was had.)