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Lionel Messi: FC Barcelona Striker Needs New Nickname

Mike RaffoneJun 7, 2018

Following yesterday's performance on the soccer pitch, Lionel Messi needs a new nickname.

Calling him the Atomic Flea just doesn't do it for me anymore.

Messi personifies all the panache of other soccer legends boasting far better nicknames like The Genius—Montenegro's Dejan Savicevic for this midfielder's uncanny passing and ball-handling ability; The Berlin Wall—Italy's Fabio Cannavaro for his fortress like defense; and Magic Feet—Portugal's Cristiano Rinaldo for this striker's masterful, quick footwork.

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Sure, this bitty Argentine "flying bug" buzzes by hopeless defenders as if they were frozen in time. Yes, Messi handles the ball effortlessly while wisping through wallowing mazes of would-be tacklers. And, of course, this 2011 World Player of the Year's delicate, pinpoint, one-touch passes glide unobstructed through the narrowest of openings.

And certainly, this pint-sized FC Barcelona prodigy makes a mockery of the common misconception that "bigger is always better" in sports. The 5'7" 145-pound Messi proves that size doesn't really matter, because you can never measure the indomitable spirit that drives athletes regardless of their physical size.

But give me a break—referring to this amazing athlete as a flea doesn't come close to capturing the Argentinian striker's unparalleled brilliance on the football field.

Scoring five goals in a UEFA Champions League game versus a formidable foe in Bayer Leverkusen warrants the name change. Messi's UEFA quarterfinal masterpiece would be like Kobe Bryant dropping 65 points in a Western Conference NBA playoff series, Arian Foster running for 300-plus yards in an NFL playoff game or Derek Jeter going 7-for-7 in a World Series game.

So, let's make up a new moniker, sanction a sexier sobriquet and christen him with a new killer cognomen, but let's lose the Atomic Flea label—quickly!

Straight talk. No static.

MIKE—aka Mike Raffone—the ultimate talking head in sports!

🚨 Mitchell Headed to 1st Conference Finals

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