International Friendly Viewing Guide: 5 Top Storylines for Wednesday's Matches

Hate international week? You won't after watching these matches.

Every few weeks or so during the club season, international friendlies come along and mess up everything. Just when your favorite team is building momentum, the star forward is called up for a meaningless midweek match.

We feel your pain. But in the case of these five matches, "meaningless" is a relative term. Even if you don't particularly care for international friendlies, you should find something interesting in these games.

Each one is listed with starting time (Eastern), place, American TV feed, appropriate storylines and something we like to call a watchability rating.

What's that? Take it away, Neymar (that's what gets you the highest rating).

1. England-Netherlands

When: 3 p.m.

Where: Wembley

TV: Fox Soccer

Storylines: England will play under a caretaker manager following the resignation of Fabio Capello earlier this month. The guy? Eh, some dude who used to be called "Psycho" when he was a player (he also missed a pretty important penalty) and who received less than 3 percent of the vote in this poll.

Oh, and Pyscho has taken the psychotic decision to wait until gameday before he names his captain. And that totally sounds like a great plan.

If that doesn't work for you, England will line up against the No. 3-ranked team on the planet and their outrageously on-form striker Robin van Persie.

And the last time the Dutch played, they got pantsed, 3-0, by Germany. So, yeah, they'll be looking for a good result, too.

Should be a good ol' time at the new Wembley.

Watchability: 4.5 Neymars out of 5

2. Germany-France

When: 2:45 p.m.

Where: Weserstadion, Bremen

TV: ESPN Deportes (delayed, 6 p.m.)

Storylines: Germany is probably the second-favorite (behind Spain) to win Euro 2012. They're young, they're awesome and they're a whole lot of fun to watch. The only downside is that Mario Götze won't be playing. But that shouldn't stop everyone from giggling about his injury.

France is also young, and while the roster has its fair share of big names, Les Bleus are more resurgent than dominant at the moment.

Plus, all the commentators will fall all over themselves making lazy World War II references for 90 whole minutes.

Watchability: 4 Neymars out of 5

3. Italy-USA

When: 2:45 p.m.

Where: Marassi, Genoa

TV: ESPN2

Storylines: Team USA never fares well in Europe, but the Yanks have Jurgen Klinsmann on their side now, and they did win their last foray onto the old continent, 3-2 over Slovenia. And that Clint Dempsey is so hot right now.

Slovenia, alas, is not Italy. The Italians have beaten the US seven out of the 10 times the two nations have met—with a score of 33-4 in those 10 matchups.

Also in that link, you'll find that Italy had to abandon the last international match played at the Marassi because of crowd problems.

If the Azzurri disappoint against a transitional US team, look for another riot.

Watchability: 3.5 Neymars out of 5

4. Latvia-Kazakhstan

Just kidding.

Ahem…

4. Mexico-Colombia

When: 8 p.m.

Where: Sun Life Stadium, Miami, USA

TV: None (streaming online?)

Storylines: Just throwing it out there: Mexico will be a dark horse at the next World Cup.

Anyway, this match makes almost zero sense. Why are they playing in Miami? Why is the game not on ESPN Deportes? Why is ESPN Deportes showing Montenegro's friendly against Iceland earlier in the day?

Whatever. We still want to watch, and will seek out a hopefully legal stream, for two reasons.

Chicharito, and more importantly, Radamel Falcao.

Both are available for selection, and both had better be on that frickin' pitch.

Watchability: 3.5 Neymars out of 5

5. Poland-Portugal

When: 2:45 p.m.

Where: National Stadium, Warsaw

TV: None (streaming legally at ESPN3.com)

Storylines: One team is co-hosting Euro 2012. The other has Cristiano Ronaldo. If you don't know which is which, this column isn't for you.

Also, this will be a good chance to see Warsaw's National Stadium, which is scheduled to host a semifinal this summer, on display ahead of Euro 2012.

Watchability: 3 Neymars out of 5

Follow Mike on Twitter: @MikeCummings37