Chris 'Caveman' Kaman and the 10 Most Fitting NBA Nicknames

NBA nicknames often become nearly as well known as the names of the players themselves, such as the case with Michael "Air" Jordan. In some cases, players are even more known by their nicknames, such as Earvin "Magic" Johnson.

The best nicknames are the ones that fit the players. Magic was Magic because he was magic. Jordan was Air Jordan because he lived in the air.

These are the best nicknames today, because they fit. You won't see ringless Kings here, or STAT that's closer to the medical stat (from the Latin statim, meaning immediately, as in needs help immediately) than Standing Tall and Talented.

Nor will you see easy jersey number nicknames like CP3 or D12 here. While they fit, they don't tell us anything about the player other than his jersey number.

Nope, these are the nicknames that really fit the players.

Brian "The White Mamba" Scalabrine

The White Mamba is not exactly the Black Mamba, aka Kobe Bryant. They have one thing in common, though: If they're on the court, there's a good chance the opposing team is losing. Of course, in Kobe's case it's more of a "cause," and in Brian Scalabrine's it's an effect.

Scalabrine is arguably the most popular 12th man in the history of the game, getting "Scalabrine" chants even on the road.

Scalabrine will sometimes actually make pretty impressive plays, which of course make the fans go insane. It was on one such play that he was dubbed "The White Mamba" by Bulls announcer Stacey King.

The name stuck.

Gilbert "Agent Zero" Arenas

Okay, there's one exception to the jersey rule, but only because it doesn't function the way he intended.

Gilbert Arenas is known as "Agent Zero," a play on his number, which isn't actually a number. Kind of like an agent who isn't actually an agent, or a player who isn't actually a player.

Right now, Arenas is unemployed and making every bit of what he's worth: zero. After a promising start to his career, he's turned into a malignant tumor whom you simply don't want or need on your team, even if you need his abilities.

Derrick "Pooh" Rose

The more I think about Pooh, the more I realize it actually works for Derrick Rose.

Think about it. Winnie the Pooh was all soft and cuddly on the outside. You just wanted to hug him.

On the inside he was not to be denied. Think about what that bear went through to get his honey!

See what I'm getting at? I've heard allusions to Rose's speed and number, like "Formula 1" and all that, but in the end, Pooh is the one works for me.

Carmelo "Sticky Hands" Anthony

After Carmelo Anthony was traded by the Denver Nuggets to New York, Denver's offense actually got better. Asked why he thought that was happening in spite of losing an elite offensive player, Ty Lawson said, "There's no sticky hands out there."

From that point on, Anthony earned the nickname Sticky Hands. This has to do with his shoot-first mentality. Once the ball gets into his hands, it gets "stuck."

In fact, Anthony has even worked to help develop a product called "Power Grip," a liquid chalk that gives you sticky hands. Sometimes you can't write the best comedy. You just have to report it.

Kevin "The Durantula" Durant

Kevin Durant is so long he seems like he must have four arms and four legs. He is most certainly spider-like in his appearance. His spindliness certainly resembles that of a spider, and a big one at that.

On top of that, his home is a web in which he's even more lethal, averaging better than a point more per game in Oklahoma City and shooting 1.7 percent better from the field.

Beware, flies!

Chris "Caveman" Kaman

You know how a picture is worth a thousand words? Chris Kaman can get a job filling in as the spokesperson for Geico after his NBA career. It's the hair, both head and facial, as well as the angle of his face.

I don't know whether Kaman has bad manners or how often he bathes, but some of his moves are so easy a caveman could do them.

Blake "The Quake" Griffin

Blake Griffin is also known as "The Blake Show," which works equally well.

Anyone who has seen Griffin's rim-rattling, board-shaking, earth-quaking dunks understands why he gets both nicknames.

Chris "Birdman" Andersen

Chris Andersen looks like a bird, plays like a bird and celebrates like a bird.

Anyone who says that white men can't jump needs to watch Andersen play someday. He is quite the leaper and spends a good portion of the game in the air. When he celebrates, he imitates a bird flapping its wings.

His multi-hued tattoo collection is reminiscent of a peacock's tail.

He is the Birdman.

Tim "The Big Fundamental" Duncan

Tim Duncan is referred to as "The Big Fundamental" because he's won four championship rings by mastering the fundamentals of basketball. He's never been the flashiest player in the league, but he's arguably one of the 10 greatest players in its history.

He does things the right way by paying attention to the fundamentals of the game.

This is one of the nicknames that no one else will ever be able to wear. It was created for him, and it will always belong to him.

Kobe "The Black Mamba" Bryant

The black mamba is the most lethal snake in the world. The untreated mortality rate is 100 percent.

That's why Kobe Bryant chose it for his nickname.

Most people who choose their own nicknames are mocked unless they back it up. The thing is, if you back it up, you can call yourself whatever you want.