WWE Random Thoughts: The Diva Problem, Royal Rumble and the Return of CM Punk

"The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says, "It's a girl."  ~Shirley Chisholm

I absolutely despise the "divas" division in the WWE...

It is a cesspool of stereotypes, poorly booked/planned segments, a hilariously misguided, directionless approach that has nearly morally, physically and emotionally bankrupted the entire division. The last few years or so have managed to completely devoid the division of any prestige its foremothers had worked so hard to build. It is an abomination to the greatest extent.

I'm not even quite sure what the purpose of the women's division is, what kind of entertainment it is trying to accomplish and who exactly is it trying to market to.

Is it trying to market to me? 

I'm a male in my 20s. I love wrestling as a form of entertainment. I also appreciate the astounding, often breathtaking beauty, knowledge and inner strength that women bring into the world, but why do I despise this portion of the product so much?

Is it marketing towards young girls?

Well, what kind of message does it send to them? That in order to work in businesses predominately ruled by men, you must first and foremost be attractive over talented in your respective field? That in order to be apart of the corporate machine, you must placate to old and outdated forms of social stereotypes? That while every championship belt has a look, feel,and history of prestige, a women's belt should be a (expletive deleted) purple butterfly?  

Perhaps the time has finally come where people just don't care to see women in the wrestling industry anymore. Perhaps there are no young girls out there who dream to be pro wrestlers. That the talent pool has finally dried up, and the WWE has simply done the best they can. Could this be true?

No, it's not, and here's why.

I don't watch TNA at all, but I caught a segment of their show recently that absolutely blew my mind away. I happened to catch the beginning of a steel cage match involving Mickie James and another women competitor...

It was the greatest women's match I have seen in a very long time. Both women displayed beauty, grace, strength, athleticism and a showmanship unparalleled in any thing the WWE could ever offer us. Why is this?

The simple answer is to blame Vince McMahon and the other suits that run the WWE. It is, after all, his vision mirrored into his product. He does have the ability to change it, but seems content or  completely devoid of passion in properly promoting the niche market that is women's wrestling.  Deciding to sell beauty over the one core fundamental talent needed in this industry.

How can a far more inferior wrestling promotion manage to be miles ahead of the WWE in regards to women's talent?

The more convoluted and thought provoking answer, however,  on all of this is to blame all of us...

In an era when women would be degraded into swimsuit wrestling matches, soft-core strip shows, mud wrestling, evening-gown matches, bra-and-panty matches and anything else to exploit the stereotypes that appeal more to a male fanbase instead of separating the division into its own productive, highly competitive and entertaining equal to counter the male product. 

And we all loved it. We clamored for more and more provocative sideshows from the women's division. We enabled the corporate machine to continue to placate to our perceived wants and desires from the women involved in the product.

Perhaps we always wanted dominating, physically athletic woman who competed in a highly competitive division that showcased the finest in women's wrestling, and perhaps the WWE wanted that as well, but saw the enormous popularity that came from lust and sex appeal alone. 

Perhaps we provided that enormous popularity because we were content in accepting the fact that this was all we could, or should, expect from the WWE when it came to women in wrestling.

A vicious cycle of misguided consumer needs and marketing agendas led to the women's division becoming the first victim of the "PG" label. A label that stripped (pun intended at this point) away all the provocative, exotic lust and sex appeal away from the divas division. A label that left the WWE with a bunch of highly attractive models that could no longer receive enormous pops based on sex appeal, but on actual wrestling ability.

Maybe it's a sad truth that the WWE doesn't care to have a women's division that could rival the spirit and competitiveness of the male division. If this is the case, then it is a sad truth, but the company can at least do something to rid it of ridiculous stereotypes,  lame booking and a lack of complete focus.

That something? A complete overhaul of the division. More talent brought in to experiment with. This would hopefully create new stars, as well as more characters instead of every "diva" having the same look and personality. While a complete focus on wrestling is not needed as much as it is in the male division, they could at least take steps to include stories that involve multiple females and try to garner interest in the division.

That something? Try not to make it look like the joke that it is. TNA figured it out pretty successfully. It shocks and appalls me to see the WWE allow this divisions cracked, rotting, water-logged foundation continue to stand and take up prime real estate when it can just as easily tear it down and build beautiful brand new condos or resorts for these women to properly showcase their passion for wrestling.

These women work extremely hard to get to where they are today, and the reason why I despise the division is simply because of the way the WWE built (and continues to maintain) the platform these women have.

(Deep breathe) Anyway, here are some more random thoughts...

Random Thought No. 1

Speaking of weak divisions that need an overhaul...

How about that tag team division?

You can take the above monologue and apply it to the tag team division as well. The only thing you need to do is replace the words lust and sex appeal with the words crap and crappier. Trust me it fits...

Random Thought No. 2

IWC: "Guy, they totally killed Brodus Clay's career by making him the ridiculous character that he is! Where's my monster heel who demolishes everyone? There's no way he survives this atrocity!" 

...Oh, you mean the boring, mundane, seen-it-a-million-times monster heel that we saw shadow Alberto Del Rio last year? Yeah, I vaguely remember him, but I fell asleep every time he popped up on my television set. If you're talking about the mother-loving Funkasarous, then I know exactly who you're talking about! 

That guy is hysterical and a complete crowd-pleaser already. Yeah, I'm sure it will run its course and become stale quicker then most characters, but for the love of god, let's have some fun with this product. The WWE doesn't take itself seriously...

...Why do you?

Oh P.S. How's Mason Ryan treating you lately?

Random Thought No. 3

I've seen a lot of things that have shocked me during my years watching professional wrestling, but nothing has ever shocked me more then when Johnny Ace told Eve to "shut her mouth".

I had to rewind the DVR at least a half dozen times to make sure I heard it correctly. My roommate, who had already watched it, quickly ran down the stairs and the following conversation took place:

My Friend: Yea, dude! Can you believe that?

Me: I thought for sure she was gonna get the patented Johnny Ace pimp slap next!

My Friend: Either that was completely unintentional and improvised, or the WWE is starting to blur the PG line.

Me: Yea, well that just completely blurred it for me, but hey...at least he didn't pull a Booker T!

Random Thought No. 4

I'm on record (numerous times) for preferring my CM Punk on the heel side. I think this new "face" approach to his character has smothered his personality and completely limited him to placating to the audience, lame jokes and terrible feuds.

The only time I feel as though I see the CM Punk I know and love is when he's competing in the ring. This is where his true personality outshines everyone on the current roster.  

However, the past two weeks have brought back a little of that fire that made Punk the star he is today. It's unrealistic to think he can run around dropping pipe bombs 24/7, but it's nice to see a straightforward, defiant, angry CM Punk than the goofy, fake puking, caricature of Punk we got for awhile.

I can't be the only one who feels this way, right?

Random Thought No. 5

I finally got around to watching The Chaperone. While It's no Walking Tall, I actually enjoyed the movie. I thought it was pretty heartwarming, funny, semi-well acted and contained a decent enough plot for me to watch the whole thing...

...or it could have been due in part to a fantastic drinking game me and my friend invented whenever we dive into the seedy underworld of WWE films.

The game you ask? Every time a WWE star attempts to act (aka shows up on screen), you take a sip. Every time a WWE star has a decent one-liner, you take a gulp. And every time a WWE star performs a scene from the movie's trailer, you chug the entire thing.

Random Thought No. 6

I actually miss Alberto Del Rio...

There just seems to be something missing from Raw lately.

Random Thought No. 7

You know who I don't miss?

Randy Orton, and here's three reasons why:

1. He doesn't add anything to Smackdown in my opinion.

2. He doesn't add anything to Smackdown in my opinion...

3. I think you see where I'm going with this....

He doesn't even freaking talk anymore (thank god), and not to mention the fact that Smackdown is now developing rivalries that actually make sense for the future rather than play the "I wonder who Orton is going to semi-put over/eventually beat/have mediocre feuds with" game.

If I were running the show for Smackdown, I'd sell high on Randy Orton and trade him for the Miz, R-truth and a future draft pick immediately.

Random Thought No. 8

The Royal Rumble...the most entertaining match the WWE offers us. It is truly the greatest storytelling device the WWE has. It can develop as well as create new feuds, along with crafting the entire direction of WrestleMania, all within the confines of a single match.

I am thoroughly excited to watch this year's event. 

My money's on Chris Jericho only because the fan in me wants to see Punk/Jericho at WrestleMania, but word around town is that Randy Orton will win. I'm OK with this as long as he actually participates and doesn't pull an Edge and wrestles for under 10 minutes after coming in between the numbers 28-30.

Random Thought No. 9

For the record, the best match of 2012 so far was that Tables match between Sheamus and Wade Barret on Smackdown.

Random Thought No. 10

For the record, I'm officially coming around to Daniel Bryan. He got me! His slow and steady heel turn has been hilarious and very well done. I actually want to punch that man square in his "vacation package," which means he's doing a fantastic job of selling the character.