13 Footballers Who'd Be Great in Horror Movies: Friday 13th Special

Tomorrow is one of the scariest days on the calendar, a day full of horror and evil.

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th. Are you scared yet?

If you're a football fan and a horror movie enthusiast, you've come to the right place. Here's a list of 13 (appropriately enough) footballers who would make awesome characters in horror movies.

Simple enough, eh?

Let's get started.

Trifon Ivanov

Ivanov grew up alone, save for a pack of wolves, deep within the dark forests of Bulgaria.

After eating the pack that sustained him for 40 years, he now subsists solely on various forest grubs and the eyeballs of love-crazed teenagers who dare venture into his lair for a bit of privacy.

Franck Ribery

A victim of the experimentation of a single mad scientist, Ribery wanders the streets of large European cities at night and takes his revenge on the beautiful people while listening to Marilyn Manson on infinite repeat.

Carlos Tevez

Sick of seeing Geico commercial after Geico commercial denigrate his people, Tevez dons a new outfit and nickname—the Caveman (OK, so he knows it needs some work)—and wreaks havoc on the insurance industry, killing its agents and executives in increasingly creative and ironic ways.

Nobby Stiles

Fed up with his lot in life, Nobby grows a hunch on his back and convinces himself he is the caretaker of a centuries-old cathedral in northern Europe.

When people come to tour its bell tower, they mysteriously end up splattered on the adjacent sidewalk 500 feet below.

Iain Dowie

After being spurned 50 years ago by his teenage crush, Dowie gets his revenge by killing her husband, his family and the rest of the people in town.

He hopes the killings will impress her but they only repulse her, prompting him to embark on an even more violent, more widespread killing spree.

Eventually his family convinces him to stop. For the rest of his life he's held hostage in a cellar beneath a seasonal resort.

Temuri Ketsbaia

Already creepy to begin with, Temuri goes nuts at the most random times (video of him scoring goal).

No one knows what he's capable of.

Martin Keown

Keown is the last remnant of a failed military experiment to cross apes with humans.

Successfully trained and harnessed, the hybrids would have become unstoppable Cold War-era soldiers.

Instead, the last one is taking his revenge, one scientist at a time.

Giuseppe Bergomi

Once a month Bergomi's unibrow interacts with the moon and sends him into an uncontrollable rage.

Dozens die.

The authorities plot ways to stop him.

A showdown looms.

On Friday the 13th.

Francis Jeffers

Jeffers lures football executives into talking to him with his Gomer Pyle-style “aww shucks” routine.

He then murders them, mutilates them and cries himself to sleep while wondering aloud why no one is looking to sign a fox in the box.

“WHY!?………… WHY?!”

Dimitar Berbatov

Every Friday the 13th he arises from his coffin.

He doesn’t do all that much, though, besides drink blood and finish off what others have already started.

Joe Jordan

What does Joe Jordan do? You know, the usual.

A little sneaking around here, a bit of sneaking stealthily through the background of the camera shot there.

Finally, a knifing and a trademark cackle.

Roy Keane

Pure evil.

Keane feels nothing when he breaks the legs of random people on the street.

He laughs when they ask why.

Terry Butcher

No explanation needed.