NFL Playoff Predictions: 10 Wacky Things to Expect on Wild Card Weekend

Anyone can predict that the Packers will repeat for a championship, or that the Saints will edge past the Lions this weekend in an electrifying shootout.

If you're looking for those predictions, I recommend going somewhere else. On this slideshow, I'm more interested in how many completions Tim Tebow will have in the first half.

Or whether Ndamukong Suh and James Harrison will combine for more personal fouls than one team scores points.

It's wacky prediction time.

10. Victor Cruz Will Debut a New Touchdown Dance

And he'll call it "Chips."

When asked after the game why he went away from his classic Salsa dance, he'll note that in the playoffs he thought he needed "some chips with his salsa."

He won't provide enough chips and salsa, however, and the Falcons will beat the Giants.

9. Terrell Suggs Will Talk Trash About a Player He Isn't Even Facing

Maybe he'll go after Alex Smith. Or Matt Ryan. Or maybe he'll pick on a rookie like Andy Dalton.

Whoever he decides to trash on national television, it will still be annoying. Talk trash on players you are actually facing in a game, Terrell.

8. Julio Jones Will Have a Huge Week Against the Giants

Listen, the Giants pass defense is so bad they couldn't keep an elephant out of a thimble.

Never mind that my analogy doesn't necessarily make sense—the point here is that someone on the Falcons is going to torch them, and I say it will be the explosive rookie.

11 catches, 175 yards and two touchdowns for Jones.

One and done for the Giants.

7. We'll Hear Way Too Much About Peyton Manning and Andrew Luck All Weekend

You know all of the pregame shows are going to find time for a whole segment on what the Colts should do, and a (feigned) emotional argument will break out between those who think the Colts need to be loyal to Peyton and those who think the future is now, and blah blah freaking blah.

I've got a whole offseason of this, guys—can we just focus on the games this weekend?

6. Jerome Simpson Will Do Something Ridiculous

But will it be ridiculously awesome, like his flip above?

Or will it be ridiculously lame, like that time he totally flopped against the Browns?

Questions, so many questions...

5. Eli Manning Will Look Like an Abondoned Boy at Some Point This Weekend

I mean, c'mon—at least once in every Giants loss, the camera pans over to Eli Manning, who looks like a sad 10-year-old who lost his parents in a busy train station and doesn't know what to do, so he sort of just sits somewhere and looks scared.

You know it's true.

4. Mike Nugent Will Be MVP in Bengals-Texans Matchup

The Houston Texans have a darn good defense, and they'll spend most of the afternoon bottling up the Bengals offense.

The problem, of course, is that T.J. Yates and the Texans will have even more problems moving the ball on the Bengals. They'll be able to run the ball a little bit with Arian Foster and Ben Tate, but the Bengals—10th in the NFL against the run, by the way—will stack the box and force the Texans to beat them through the air.

The Texans won't, and Mike Nugent will go 4-4 in field goal attempts, leading the Bengals to a 12-9 victory over Houston.

3. 2 Players Will Be Penalized for More Personal Fouls Than 1 Team Scores

James Harrison and Ndamukong Suh will combine for more personal foul penalties in the Wild Card Round (four) than the Denver Broncos will score points against the Pittsburgh Steelers (three).

Sorry, Denver fans.

2. Calvin Johnson Will Have a Quiet Game in a Shootout

The Lions versus Saints tilt should be an exciting, high-octane affair. And Calvin Johnson has gone off the past three weeks catching 24 passes for 560 yards and four touchdowns.

So why will Megatron have a quiet day?

Remember when the two teams played in Week 13 and Calvin Johnson was held to six catches for 69 yards? Remember how the Saints double-teamed Johnson inside of the 10-yard line?

I predict the Saints will do everything in their power to keep Johnson from beating them. And ultimately, taking Johnson away will be key in the Saints victory.

1. Tim Tebow Won't Complete a Pass in the First Half

And that will be a major problem for the Broncos, who are going to find great difficulty trying to run against the league's eighth-ranked rush defense.

It's going to be an ugly game for Broncos fans.

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