World Football Transfer Rumours: 20 January Rumours with No Chance of Happening

We've all seen them before: football transfer rumours that can't possibly be true.

This is a list of those rumours.

For one reason or another, we just don't see any of these rumours turning into actual deals. Some of the these you've probably heard all about. Some you haven't.

We could be wrong, of course. Anything can happen in football. But like we said, we'd be shocked.

Let's get to the list.

David Beckham to PSG

Let's start with an obvious one.

Even before the interwebs erupted today with stories about how David Beckham absolutely, positively, no chance in Hades, won't be heading to PSG, it seemed like a stretch anyway.

Was Beckham really going to find playing time in PSG's new, high-priced lineup? Probably not.

It ain't going to happen. But we didn't have to tell you that.

Wesley Sneijder to Manchester United

This might be a little controversial, but here it is: We don't think Wesley Sneijder is going to join Manchester United this month.

Sure, Inter Milan's sporting director is reportedly heading to England to open negotiations. But Sneijder is under contract with Inter until 2015.

That's going to make Sneijder's price tag too high, even for United.

Hulk to Chelsea

Manager Andre Villas-Boas and Chelsea have made no secret of their interest in Porto forward Hulk. And Hulk reportedly has been batting his eyelashes right back across the Channel.

All things being equal, a move would make some sense. Hulk and Villas-Boas had success together at Porto.

But here's why it doesn't make sense: The buyout clause in Hulk's contract is £84 million.

Even for Chelsea, that's unrealistic.

Nani to PSG

Here's a rumour linking Manchester United's Portuguese midfielder Nani with a move to PSG.

Ambitious isn't really the right word in this case. Silly comes closer.

Manchester United are already short enough on players, especially in the midfield, thanks to a series of injuries.

Are they really going to sell one of their biggest stars right now? And a midfielder at that?

Ravel Morrison to Anywhere

Let's stick with Manchester United for a second. This report from Mirror Football links United starlet Ravel Morrison with a move to one of a number of unnamed European giants.

The rationale? Morrison is out of contract in the summer.

Uh, OK. So Manchester United will re-sign him before then.

You think they're going to lose the "best player to emerge from the Old Trafford academy in a generation" for next to nothing? Or at all?

Don't count on it.

Eden Hazard to England

Several English clubs have shown interest in Eden Hazard recently, including Manchester United.

Forget it for now, though. The Belgian starlet isn't leaving Lille until next summer.

John Terry to China

Ever since Nicolas Anelka reached an agreement to play in China, it seems like every 30-something Chelsea player has been linked to the world's most populous country.

That includes John Terry, who has, well, been linked with a move to the world's most populous country.

We just can't see it happening, though. Terry still fancies himself a key England international, and his prospects would only be hurt by moving to China.

And who wants to go to China anyway? Besides, we've heard Terry is sweet on India right now.

(Kidding.)

Didier Drogba to China

Like we said, ever since Nicolas Anelka signed on to play in China, it seems like every 30-something Chelsea player has been linked with a move there, too.

That includes Dider Drogba, who apparently is worthy of being the world's best-paid player.

Still, it's hard to see Drogba heading to China. It takes a special kind of player (read: Nicolas Anelka) to move from the English Premier League to China.

Didier Drogba is not that player.

Rafael van der Vaart to AC Milan

This is an old rumour, but until this week, it hadn't been properly quashed.

So how's this for proper quashing: Rafael van der Vaart is great pals with Spurs manager Harry Redknapp and is totally, 100 percent committed to the cause at Tottenham. At least that's what he's saying.

Believe it if you want, but it nonetheless sounds to us like Rafa is staying at White Hart Lane for now.

Mario Balotelli to AC Milan

The latest development in the Carlos Tevez transfer saga is a bizarre transfer-triangle featuring Tevez, Pato and Mario Balotelli.

See, Milan reportedly want to buy Mario Balotelli, but if and only if they manage to sell Alexandre Pato. And Carlos Tevez is involved somehow.

All that according to The Sun, the most trusted name in news.

Gareth Bale to Barcelona

So, Barcelona apparently want to buy Gareth Bale from Spurs.

Right, because ignoring your teammates and dribbling 40 yards down the flank at breakneck speed—that's exactly the way Barca play football.

(Sarcasm.)

Kieran Richardson to Arsenal

Suddenly, Arsene Wenger wants to bring Kieran Richardson to Arsenal. Yes, that Kieran Richardson. It's an "exclusive" from the Mirror.

The Thierry Henry loan aside, Wenger usually likes to sign younger, promising players, not 27-year-old Manchester United rejects.

Sorry, Kieran.

Darren Bent to Liverpool

The word is that Liverpool want to buy Darren Bent. We don't doubt that. Liverpool could probably use him.

We doubt, however, that Aston Villa would want to sell Bent. After all, they bought him only last January, and for a whopping £24 million.

The latest reports would seem to back us up.

Christopher Samba to Spurs

Tottenham Hotspur reportedly want to buy defender Christopher Samba from Blackburn.

Again, we don't doubt that Spurs would want Samba. He'd be a great addition.

But why would Blackburn sell him? Didn't they just bag their biggest win of the millennium or something?

It wouldn't make sense for Blackburn to sell Samba now, right after their big breakthrough.

Alex to QPR

Queens Park Rangers are being linked with a move for Chelsea's out-of-favour defender Alex.

But here's the thing: He wants to head back to Santos, apparently. And Juventus are also interested.

QPR are probably pretty far down Alex's list.

Wayne Bridge to Arsenal

Arsenal need full-backs. Thus, the Mail Online figured Arsenal should sign Wayne Bridge from Manchester City on loan.

But it's not going to happen. Bridge makes £90,000 per week at City to sit on his bum. Arsenal can't pay that for an over-the-hill full-back.

Besides, Arsene Wenger has said he's not interested.

Bobby Zamora to Anywhere

Apparently Bobby Zamora has been linked with a move away from Fulham.

The only reason we can tell that, however, is because some managers (his own and otherwise) keep denying that he's going anywhere.

Fine, we believe you.

Alan Dzagoev

TalkSPORT passed along this rumour the other day: Manchester United are plotting an £18 million bid for the "Russian Messi."

His name is Alan Dzagoev, and he plays for CSKA Moscow. Again, £18 million.

Really? Do we even have to say why this one sounds crazy?

Adel Taarabt to Al-Sadd

Adel Taarabt of Queens Park Rangers is being linked with a move to Qatari club Al-Sadd. We're skeptical.

Taarabt thought QPR were small potatoes, remember? How's Al-Sadd going to feel?

Nikica Jelavic to West Brom

West Bromwich Albion reportedly want to sign Nikica Jelavic from Rangers.

Problem is, so does the rest of the Premier League.

Good luck, Baggies.