2015 NHL All-Star Weekend: Is It the Best of the 4 Major Sports?
The 2015 NHL All-Star Game will take place this weekend in Columbus. It will be three days of superstars (and players who were only invited because every team needs a representative) putting their skills on display in a joyous, relaxed, fan-friendly environment.
But what's an NHL event without people comparing it to North America's other major sports?
How does NHL All-Star Weekend compare to the NFL's Pro Bowl, which will also take place this weekend? What about the All-Star festivities of the NBA and MLB? Is the NHL truly the best sport, as you most certainly have heard? Or do the other sports have a better All-Star experience?
TOP NEWS
Oilers solidify 2 seed in final Stanley Cup Playoffs bracket
Sid Still Has Something Left
1 Word For Habs' Regular Season
The only way to know for sure is to break it down scientifically, which is what will happen in the following paragraphs. Each league will be judged and ranked on five important factors: uniforms, music acts, attending celebrities, the "skills" portion of the weekend and the game. Points will be award on a 4-3-2-1 scale to determine which sport is the best, once and for all.
Category 1: Uniforms
MLB: While the league creates uniforms for the event, they are only worn in batting practice and during home run derby. During the game itself, players wear their team jerseys. This allows MLB to make money off fans with new jerseys every year and allows fans a visually appealing viewing experience during the game. It's diabolical.
NBA: This year's jerseys are clean and simple, and that's usually the case over the years. The 2006 jerseys are particularly hideous, but no league has a better track record in this regard. Maybe it's easier to design something that lacks sleeves. Whatever the case, the NBA is pretty good.
NFL: Looking at uniforms through the years, they've gotten progressively worse as Stars Johnson (guessing the designer's name here) demanded stars appear on all jerseys. This year's jerseys are Oregon-bad. One point for the NFL: Players wear their team helmets.
NHL: It's really hard to find anything redeemable in the league's outfit history. Maybe those orange ones from the 1980s were OK, but that's stretching it. This year, it seems as though the league plans on playing the game in a college kid's dorm room with a black light.
Uniform rankings: 1. MLB, 2. NBA, 3. NFL, 4. NHL
Category 2: Music Acts
MLB: Since tastes in music change wildly from year to year, we will only focus on each league's most recent list of performers. MLB hitched its wagon in 2014 to Imagine Dragons. Tony Award winner Idina Menzel sang the national anthem before the game. She was in the Broadway musical Rent.
NBA: The league hasn't revealed anything for this year's game, but last year's event will be hard to top. Pharrell Williams, Janelle Monae, Kendrick Lamar and Earth, Wind & Fire were among the performers. That's a show most people would attend on its own, nevermind around an All-Star Game.
NFL: My best searching can't find any bands or artists associated with the Pro Bowl, but Fall Out Boy played halftime of the game last season, because Fall Out Boy at some point became the official band for sports without anyone's permission. They lit mups for the NHL and wailed about CENTURIES for college football this year. Spoiler alert: The NFL is finishing last here.
NHL: OK, maybe not, as Fall Out Boy will be part of the NHL festivities this year. So will O.A.R., arguably the worst band of the 1990s. (Note: That argument will be made by me.) Every O.A.R. song is 22 minutes long and also not good. Anyway, yeah.
Music act rankings: 1. NBA, 2. MLB, 3. NHL, 4. NFL
Category 3: Celebrities
MLB: There's a celebrity softball game, and last year's game included: Andy Cohen, Fat Joe, Rob Riggle, Sway and Andrew Zimmern. Celebrities in the stands vary based on location and whichever television show stars Fox wants to promote during the game.
NBA: From last year's celeb game, per NBA.com..."U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan and actor Michael B. Jordan led their respective teams..." That's simply a great sentence. The game also had Kevin Hart, Mike Golic and Mike Greenberg. That link has a celeb game history that includes Justin Bieber, which will be taken into account when grading.
NFL: There's really nothing here. No one cares about this game. Some poor soul had to write about a celebrity beach football game in 2012, but that was before the Super Bowl.
NHL: It's actually perplexing that the NHL doesn't do a celebrity/legends game during All-Star Weekend. There are plenty of celebrities who strap on the skates. A game like this happened in 2002 and should be part of the All-Star festivities regularly. It won't be a ratings bonanza or anything, but I'd watch Tim Robbins try to skate past Jason Priestley.
Celebrities rankings: 1. MLB, 2. NBA, 3. NHL, 4. NFL
Category 4: Skills
MLB: The Home Run Derby is appointment viewing for baseball fans, even with Chris Berman murdering your ears the way Jose Bautista murders baseballs. Personally, I'd like to see the skills stuff expanded, with things like a bunting contest or some trick fielding where guys barehand baseballs between their legs or something. Two hours of glorified batting practice gets boring after awhile.
NBA: The way American Idol serves no point any longer, as there can't be any talented people left we haven't discovered, there can't be any other ways to a dunk a basketball. To the NBA's credit, there's also a skills test and a three-point shootout, but it's not exactly exciting to watch a guy pass a basketball into a net.
NFL: There is no skills competition for the Pro Bowl. Why does this event exist? There used to be the Quarterback Challenge that tested arm strength and accuracy. That was fun. There's a college prospect version of it, and here's one that involved Aaron Rodgers when he was still with California.
NHL: While I think Home Run Derby is the best individual skills test at any All-Star event, the NHL has more fun tests. Hardest shot, fastest skater, most accurate shooter, a breakaway contest. There's enough to do so every player is involved, unlike baseball, where it's just the mashers.
Skills rankings: 1. NHL, 2. MLB, 3. NBA, 4. NFL
Category 5: The Game
MLB: The reason why the MLB game is so good is because you can't go half-speed like you can in the other games. Yeah, a pitcher can groove a fastball to Derek Jeter, but a guy who throws 98 can't mess with his motion to throw 78 for an inning. However, the fact that guys groove pitches in a game that decides home field in the World Series is about as asinine as it gets.
NBA: This is the one game where not going full speed makes it more fun to watch. Nobody wants to watch a dude slap the floor as he plays chest-to-chest defense against a guy. We want to see Vince Carter pass to himself off the backboard and dunk the ball.
NFL: Seriously, stop playing this game.
NHL: There are similarities between the NBA and NHL in that a lack of defense leads to some compelling displays of skill. But a person can only watch so many three-on-ones and two-on-ones before it gets a little boring. Jeremy Roenick checked Alexei Zhitnik in 2002, and somehow that was a story.
Game rankings: 1. NBA, 2. NHL, 3. NFL, 4. MLB (sorry, but it decides World Series home field)
Here are the final results of this methodical, objective investigation.
| MLB | 4 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 1 | 15 |
| NBA | 3 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 4 | 16 |
| NFL | 2 | 1 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 7 |
| NHL | 1 | 2 | 2 | 4 | 3 | 12 |
As you can see, baseball and football have better overall products, but at least the NHL isn't the NFL.
All statistics via NHL.com and Stats.HockeyAnalysis.com.
Dave Lozo covers the NHL for Bleacher Report. You can follow him on Twitter: @DaveLozo.
.png?w=600 "Draft Prospect Rankings 🔢")
