Shhhhh! Be Vewy Kwiet! Dawwas Cowboys Want Pways Kept Secwet!

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Shhhhh! Be Vewy Kwiet! Dawwas Cowboys Want Pways Kept Secwet!
(Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

This has to be one of the funniest things I've read in some time.

Maybe I'm just biased since I'm a journalist, but here's a quick lesson: if you don't want something to be reported, i.e., "on the record", then don't tell a reporter about it.

Dallas Cowboys public relations director Rich Dalrymple told the media yesterday to not report on any new formations or plays the Cowboys are using in training camp.

One small problem: Cowboys training camp at the Alamodome in San Antonio is open to the public.

One has to wonder if Dalrymple, whom I've dealt with professionally while freelancing for a recreation magazine and have found him to be very helpful, was just kidding.

I mean, can you really hold camps open to the public and media and expect reporters not to report on it?

Not happening.

I suppose it would be tantamount to Colonel Sanders allowing experimentations of his Chicken Fried in the State of Kentucky (as the Russians so deliciously call it) to be open to the public and then threatening to strangle with his string tie any reporter who flaps their gums about the colonel's secret blend of 11 herbs and spices.

(Here they are, by the way. Supposedly).

If Dallas is working on stuff they don't want other teams to know, maybe they should be a little more discreet.

Or maybe this is a brilliant publicity stunt cooked up by Dalrymple, the NFL's current coach-on-the-bubble, Wade Phillips and Mr. Marketer, Jerry Jones.

Is it possible Dalrymple's request is a red herring, and that somewhere Dallas has its secret plays locked under tight security that a top-secret security clearance won't get you in?

I don't know. We'll see.

Meanwhile:

Shhhhh! Be vewy, vewy kwiet! The Dawwas Cowboys are working on pways to defeat the New York Giants, Washington Wedskins, Phiwadewphia Eagwes, St. Wouis Wams, Detwoit Wions, Oakwand Waiders and other teams! Hehehehehe!

A fight broke out in camp between nose tackle Jay Ratliff and offensive tackle Marc Colombo. Don't get too excited—fights are as common at training camp as are players crying because they've been told they've been cut.

Besides, after how things fell apart last season, you sort of want a few fights to happen. It shows that the only thing Ratliff and Colombo hate more than each other's guts is losing...

A note for Jessica Simpson, who's single now that she and Tony Romo have went their separate ways. I know I don't speak for all Cowboys fans, but I wish you all the best, Jessica. May happiness follow you.

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