Down to Biznasty: Paul Bissonnette's Top Tweets; February Edition

Jordan MatthewsAnalyst IIIMarch 3, 2012

Down to Biznasty: Paul Bissonnette's Top Tweets; February Edition

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    If ever there was a man to follow on Twitter, Paul Bissonnette is that man. The Coyotes' tough guy doesn't see a whole lot of minutes on the ice—and that's when he's lucky enough to be dressed for games.

    Regardless of his lack of time on the ice, Bissonnette is still a popular figure in hockey, and he may be the most popular fringe NHL player in hockey history.

    If Bissonnette ever runs into financial problems, he certainly has a future in comedy. Here are Bissonette's Top Tweets of February.

Bissonnette Doesn't Like NASCAR?

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    Apparently not, here's what the Desert Dog had to say about the Daytona 500:

    "Another perfect example of why making 4 left turns 500 times is a waste of gas. "

    After a few likely hostile replies, Bissonnette returned with this:

    "Sorry racing fans. Was unaware that Daytona's track is 2.5 miles. So only 200 laps. Making a grand total of 800 left turns. "

    Thank you Biznasty, thank you.

Must Not Be an NBA Fan Either

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    Another common trend with Bissonnette is that even when he's being funny, Biznasty likes to speak the truth.

    "If you ever have a spare hour of time on your hands, try watching the last 2 minutes of an NBA basketball game."

    Come to think about it, he's really not even joking, that's completely true.

Sacrifice

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    From the photo above, you can guess what type of a player Biznasty is.

    "I've decided I'm giving up scoring for Lent. "

    After realizing his error, Bissonnette backpedaled with this:

    "Scratch that. Lent is about sacrificing something you actually do apparently. Didn't read the rule book. So I'll give up not scoring. "

    Come to think of it, I've got some things I'd like to give up too...

     

     

Wallet for My Valentine?

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    But seriously...

    "You can save a bunch of money on your future by switching to single. "

    ...He does make a good point.

But When He Does Date...

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    He sticks to the same money-saving standards.

    "Glad to see you're a Tim Hortons fan . I bring girls on dates there. It has everything you need. "

    I concur, Biznasty.

Bissonnette's Sweetheart?

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    I'll let the Tweets do the talking.

    I Heart Sweetheart: "Hey it's too bad u don't play like you chirp."

    Biznasty: "Not sure which emo you are in that cheap excuse for a band . Are you even on iTunes yet?"

    "Hey , did you guys get a group discount on those haircuts?"

    I Heart Sweetheart: "So yea we made more $$ than you last year. And we only toured In Canada. "

    Biznasty: "Cool story . You couldn't headline the Roxy on a monday night."

    "On that note . Since you guys are rolling in the cash, don't go spending it all on skinny jeans and makeup."

    Winner by knockout.

Biznasty Meets UrbanDictionary

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    This may not mean what you think it means...

    "Watching someone's reaction to a well executed crop dust is one of the many joys in life."

    For those of you still trying to figure out what the hell he's talking about, head over to Urban Dictionary and search "Crop Dusting".

Half-Time Show Flubs

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    This should pretty much sum up the Halftime show for this year's Superbowl:

    "No pressure on . It can't get worse than the Black Eyed Peas. "

    After the even was over, Bissonnette apparently thought differently:

    "Can we all forget my last tweet."

    Biznasty speaks the truth.

Bithonnette...

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    Classic.

    Bisnasty: "Call me old fashioned but I find it attractive when a girl has a lisp."

    Female Follower: "Hey u got a typewriter?"

    Biznasty: "You got a lisp ?"

Bissonnette Realizes Organizational Talent

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    After Red Wings' defenseman Mike Commodore was traded to the Tampa Bay Lightning for a 7th round draft pick, Bissonnette had this to say about the matter:

    "Hey , don't feel bad you only got dealt for a 7th rounder. The way Detroit drafts they'll probably turn that into a hall of famer."

    For those who don't know, Detroit drafted Pavel Datsyuk in the sixth round of the draft and Henrik Zetterberg in the seventh round.

Old Friends Meet Again

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    Biznasty takes to Urban Dictionary language again.

    "The only thing I miss about having a girlfriend is being able to give dutch ovens."

    That's funny and wrong at the same time.

Brown Time?

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    This one should be self-explanatory.

    "Just saw a Los Angeles Kings billboard that said 'It's Brown Time'. Now that's marketing."

    Probably not what they meant, and if it was, that's just sick.

Want More Coverage?

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    Jordan Matthews is a Featured Columnist for the NHL and the Detroit Red Wings. For more coverage, you can read Jordan's recent articles here:

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