Michael Cole and the 10 Most Untouchable People in Wrestling

Being a star of note in professional wrestling in and of itself lands one in rarefied air.  Even the developmental stars, many of whom flame out before, during, or shortly after being called up to the WWE roster, are doing something that most others in their profession could only dream of. 

But in the national pro wrestling scene, where job security is few and far between, what happens when one positions themselves in the exceptionally elite company as an untouchable employee as opposed to an independent contractor? 

I'm not talking about corporate figureheads.  I'm talking about untouchable. Impenetrable.  Damn-near unfireable. 

It may be best to discuss the criteria for this list by briefly analyzing two seemingly glaring omissions. 

John Laurinaitis is not untouchable.  Sure he portrays a very true-to-life yes man to Vince McMahon, but Ace currently holds one of the most thankless and pressure-packed job titles in all of wrestling.

As the vice president of talent relations, the stressful job that led to a series of health problems for former VP of Talent Relations Jim Ross that continue to this day, Laurinaitis is tasked with 'future endeavoring' talent in the egocentric stampede that is professional wrestling. 

As another pitfall of his unenviable job, Laurinaitis has taken much of the blame for a trend that has seen a multitude of former world champions from Jeff Hardy to Rob Van Dam leave the company in their primes. 

The endless revolving door seems to have already inspired WWE higher ups to reportedly begin grooming a new VP of Talent Relations, thus establishing Johnny Ace as far from untouchable. 

The other glaring omission is Dixie Carter.  As the President of a ho-hum national wrestling company that perennially faces the threat of extinction, Carter is only as untouchable as the intermediate health of her small wrestling outfit.

With new executives in at Spike TV, executives who may or may not be wrestling fans, there is no telling what the future holds for Impact Wrestling/TNA, making Carter more of a marked woman than untouchable. 

10. Kevin Dunn

Forget reports of a power struggle that has pit similarly untouchable Stephanie McMahon against WWE Production Head Kevin Dunn.  As long as Dunn is firmly affixed in Vince McMahon's inner circle, the man is not going anywhere. 

Dunn, a VP since 2003, is as close to a right-hand man for Vince McMahon as it gets.  He has just as much stroke and control over critical business decisions as most in the company, and as a result is often vilified by those who are de-emphasized as an individual who is 'in Vince's ear' when it comes to creative plans.  

As a member of WWE's Board of Directors, Dunn was one of the last men standing during Vince McMahon's corporate killing spree earlier this year in response to slumping business, as he seems to be one of few individuals who has earned McMahon's unwavering trust. 

9. Vince Russo

Dixie Carter may not be untouchable, but that doesn't absolve members of her company from the same distinction.  As long as TNA is afloat, Vince Russo seems to have inexplicably "earned" the untouchable tag.

Since making the controversial hire of appointing Russo as head writer in 2006, Carter has demonstrated an almost defiant refusal to relieve him of his duties despite glaring past and present failures. 

Russo was at the helm of a meteoric collapse of WCW as he was fruitfully exposed as a one-trick pony whose only tangible successes can be linked to a period where his efforts were being overseen by Vince McMahon and the WWE brass. 

Russo has added a host of (seemingly) unintentional hilarity to his highlight reel of lunacy with a series of his signature pole matches, baffling swerves, and general crash TV that has contributed to the continual treading of water that is TNA. 

All with the job security of a national bank and the bulletproof protection of a concrete kevlar vest. 

The former head writer of WCW has since scaled back on his duties as head creative writer, ceding these responsibilities to longtime WWE employee Bruce Prichard.  However as long as Dixie Carter, and for that matter TNA, are around, don't expect him to go anywhere involuntarily. 

8. CM Punk

As one of the select few wrestlers on this list, CM Punk manufactured his own impenetrability on the strength of his own leverage. 

With WWE facing the very real threat of having one of their top stars leave the company in July, the WWE was also faced with the scary problem of yet another former world champion's departure leaving a large void in an already unimpressive WWE depth chart. 

With WWE Vice President John Laurinaitis evidently fighting for his job due to the aforementioned departures of world champions, the WWE did everything they could to convince Punk to stay. 

Punk was already committed to leaving, and had even conducted exit interviews with mainstream publications like GQ.com discussing his impending departure. 

But at the final hour, the WWE was able to achieve a rare victory in the 'please don't go' negotiations, giving up monarch-like power to Punk in the process. 

As a result of his consent to remain with the WWE, Punk has reportedly been afforded many perks from ex-girlfriend Beth Phoenix's return to glory to childhood friend Colt Cabana receiving a tryout with the WWE.

It's why Punk is allowed to say some of the things he says in his promos with little to no backlash. 

Punk has even reportedly received more freedom creatively (a rare feat in the WWE) since re-signing with the company and is even said to be instrumental in backstage decisions regarding the creative direction of some storylines. 

Leverage is a beautiful thing. 

7. John Cena

John Cena is the WWE's lone golden nugget.  As the only transcendent star in this era of WWE, Cena's tireless work to promote the company may have gone unnoticed by his detractors, but it certainly is not taken for granted by the WWE.  

Cena's merchandise sales and likeness on pay-per-view main events have kept the WWE stable during times where business is trending downward. 

While Cena is not known as much of a backstage politician, he is a locker-room leader and the WWE wouldn't be drunk to (legit) fire or even punish him for any type of indiscretions until they find themselves another John Cena. 

As scary as it may seen, that may be a distant possibility under the current regime. 

6. The Rock

One of the main reasons CM Punk continues to complain of the Rock's preferential treatment is because the Rock is more untouchable than CM Punk will ever be. 

As arguably the biggest star in WWE history, Rock single-handedly revitalized a WrestleMania franchise that couldn't even break one million buys worldwide despite the return of Bret Hart that many thought would never happen...even in the 'never say never' world of professional wrestling.  

The Rock has earned the right to make sporadic appearances with the WWE en route to promoting what may be the biggest WrestleMania main event ever against John Cena. 

Many superstars earn an extended stay in Vince McMahon's imaginary doghouse for so much as failing to shake the hand of a WWE talent with stroke. 

According to a rather whiny CM Punk, the Rock doesn't have to abide by such standards, as even a snub of the high-ranking straight edge superstar himself fell upon deaf ears. 

5. The Undertaker

The Undertaker is one of the longest-tenured employees left in the WWE, and the only man whose win-streak at WrestleMania has been carefully protected. 

Pro wrestling legend dictates that the only two people Vince McMahon is afraid of are the Undertaker and his wife.  Strike that type of fear into the heart of the otherwise bold and fearless chairman of the board and earn the title of untouchable with style points to boot.

The Undertaker's loyalty to the WWE has afforded him opportunities that most wrestlers could only dream (or unionize) for such as long, well-deserved layoffs to allow his body to heal. 

Many take exception to the ascension of Michele McCool in the WWE in recent years before her retirement from pro wrestling.  Strangely, the ascension began around the same time she began dating the Undertaker. 

With WWE's WrestleMania pay-per-view an annual super gluing of name talents due to WWE's deficiencies in creating new stars, the Undertaker is one of few individuals who the WWE needs more than he needs it. 

4. Michael Cole

The WWE's Old Boys Network has punished its pieces of meat for antics ranging from warranted to ridiculous.

Despite his announcing universally regarded as poor and a big part of the WWE's problem in building stars (he buries everything), Michael Cole remains the unequivocal voice of the WWE on the merits of Vince McMahon's adoration for his likeness: a likeness easily comparable to Vince McMahon himself. 

The overproduced and overzealous announcer has also impressively evaded disciplinary actions despite coming under storm for comments that would land a lesser talent in the 90-day non-compete territory. 

In March 2011, Cole used a gay slur on Twitter to refer to colleague Josh Mathews, but only received a slap of the hands following a lousy apology. 

Cole continued to flex his bulletproof muscles by making light of Hall-of-Fame announcer Jim Ross' real-life struggles with Bell's Palsy on a recent episode of Friday Night SmackDown while McMahon was on a goodwill tour in Afghanistan. 

The WWE will continue to move forward, or in place, under the direction of Michael Cole's controversial commentary. 

While many fans and talent, most recently Stone Cold Steve Austin, have clamored for the return of Ross to commentary, Vince McMahon's irreverence towards "Southern wrasslin'" mixed with a reverence towards Michael Cole pretty much assures Cole's job is safe as long as the buck stops with McMahon. 

3. Triple H

Unless he engages in an inexplicably adulterous relationship, Triple H's marriage to Stephanie McMahon ensures that he will always have a very high-ranking position with the WWE. 

As one half of the heir apparent power couple to seize control of the WWE once Vince McMahon either calls it quits or dies trying, Triple H could be the most untouchable man in wrestling in a decade or two permitting the WWE hasn't been victimized by a post-Vince anarchy. 

The wheels have already been set in motion for Triple H to take over the WWE as he is now in control of day-to-day operations as the Chief Operating Officer in the WWE. 

Triple H also heads up a new talent division in charge of bringing up developmental talent to the main roster as well as hiring outside talent such as the high-profile hires of Mistico, re-branded in the WWE as Sin Cara, and Kia "Awesome Kong" Stevens, who is now known as Kharma.

2. Stephanie McMahon

With both Shane McMahon and Linda McMahon leaving the WWE, Stephanie McMahon is the last member of Vince's immediate family still employed with the company and therefore the most trustworthy. 

If McMahon is truly concerned with the long-term health of WWE long after he is gone, which he is, it is critical that he place the family business in the hands of family who will be least likely to liquidate all the assets for their own gain when given the opportunity. 

Stephanie McMahon will remain with the WWE until she decides to do something else, a situation that is highly unlikely at this point given a work ethic that is reportedly similar to that of her notoriously aggressive father. 

Because of this, she will never be the casualty of a large corporate shakeup, nor will she be in much hot water during trying times for the WWE.  The WWE preaches a family-first environment when it comes to a McMahon, and Stephanie is currently the alpha female of that clan. 

1. Vince McMahon

Should there be any question? By his own admission, the only way Vince McMahon leaves the WWE is if he "dies in the chair."

Sure he may be scaling back on his responsibilities with the WWE, but one thing that will never change while he is in full health is that Vince McMahon always has the final say when it comes to the major decisions. 

RAW rewrites, who gets pushed, who gets de-emphasized, and even how big the tires are on WWE trucks all come down to Vince's call.  And while some may have the ability to influence the venerable chairman, few get in his way when it comes to Vince getting what he wants. 

As the chairman of the WWE, Vince McMahon is not only the alpha male of the WWE, he is the alpha male of an entire pro wrestling industry devoid of any real wrestling-related competition. 

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