Top 10 List: What Should the Hornets Take for Chris Paul?

I feel bad for Chris Paul. On the one hand, the NBA is making it clear to him that he's worth a lot in their estimation. On the other hand, the Lakers, Clippers and whichever teams have offered players, money and add-ons to acquire him are saying, "Hey, we like you but maybe not THAT much."

So, what's a great player to do? It's certainly his right to want to play somewhere other than New Orleans. But when you say that you want out, you're also making it tough for your team to get fair value for you, and so, we've ended up with, perhaps, an unprecedented situation in a league that seems to have transitioned from lockout to lockjaw.

In the meantime, Chris Paul waits. We all wait. And the NBA continues to look like it's being run by Peter Griffin of Family Guy.

So, let's get this buggy out of neutral. It's time for fans to become part of the solution. NBA GMs out there gather round.

Here are 10 deals the Hornets should definitely do for Chris Paul. 

10. Jeanie Buss

Is Jeanie Buss a 10? Well, maybe not quite, but she's close.

She's as smart as she is pretty, and she's got Phil Jackson's attention.

The Hornets could benefit from this power couple big time.

9. Exclusive Rights To Draft Any Player from Duke and North Carolina

Over 100 players from these two colleges have played in the NBA, and this pipeline isn't maintained by BP.   

8. Vladimir Putin, Andrei Kirilenko and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir

Are we preaching to the choir or could the Hornets use an enforcer or TWO! 

7. Fish Sticks by Mrs. Paul

Whatever deal for Chris Paul that goes down at this point is going to stink. So let's make it easy for Hornets' fans to be left with a bad taste in their mouths. If it's enough Mrs. Paul’s fish sticks to feed all of Louisiana indefinitely, I definitely think that would do it.

6. Singing Pauls and a Vintage Axe

In case the Hornets still want a "Paul" figure on the floor, how about rotating "Star Spangled Banner" renditions by Paul Simon, Paul McCartney, Paul Anka, Peter, Paul and Mary?

And let's throw in a 1957 Gibson Les Paul Standard Electric Guitar with a lifetime supply of picks to be named later.

5. A Sworn Affidavit That Adam Sandler Will Not Make Another Movie EVER!

This is a Public Service Announcement.

4. Obama Slama Jama

A trampoline propelled Slam Dunk contest featuring all the remaining Republicans seeking the Presidential nomination plus Herman Cain if he brings pizzas.

3. Kim Kardashian’s and Kris Humphries’ Wedding Revenue

And another husband to be scammed later.

2. Apple

This is what Stern really wants for Chris Paul!

1. Whatever David Stern Finally Agrees They Can

In a parody of parity, Chris Paul will have to make any team he's traded to weaker than they would have been without him, and that's the bottom line.