Albert Pujols Contract: 20 Things You Can Do with $250 Million

With prized MLB free agent Albert Pujols signing a lucrative 10-year, $250 million deal with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim today, many fans are beginning to daydream about the possibilities of earning the same money.

As the former St. Louis Cardinal counts his cash, the rest of the sports world is undoubtedly wondering how they'd spend his contract.

While the opportunities are endless, we see a few select options as the most intriguing.

Here are 20 things you can do with Pujols' contract.

Enjoy.

20. Send Antonio Cromartie's Kids Through College

Considering the Gang Green cornerback has fathered nine children in six states with eight different women, it's safe to say he owes plenty in custody-related costs.

This is seemingly only the start, however, as Antonio Cromartie will eventually have to send all nine kids to college.

He'll need more than a calculator.

19. Make a Product Line

While product lines are routinely endorsed by superstar athletes, money can offer you one pass.

With $250 million, any fan could create his own uniform or shoe brand and share his vision with the rest of the sports world.

18. Buy the Jerry Tron

This mega high-definition television is quite the masterpiece.

While most fans would undoubtedly love a chance to bring this anomaly home with them, it's somewhat pricey.

With the set being only $40 million, it would now seem ideal for the household.

17. Have a Wedding at the Super Bowl

While a wedding during the Super Bowl would be epic, a second option could be a festive bachelor party right in the middle of the field.

Ample space, eager fans and feisty ladies presents the perfect opportunity for one last party before the big day.

16. Pay SportsCenter to Stop Talking About Tim Tebow

This video speaks for itself, but the obsession is disturbing.

We've had enough Tebowing for one lifetime.

15. New Grass for the Raiders

While it may be pricey, a new field seems necessary for the deprived Oakland Raiders.

Having the Raiders share the O.co Coliseum with the neighboring Athletics is frustrating enough, but it's the aesthetic struggle for fans that is most disturbing.

14. Buy the Royals Seven Times

With an annual payroll of around $36 million, it's clear that the Kansas City Royals would be quite the bargain.

While the core of Billy Butler, Mike Moustakas and Eric Hosmer makes for an exciting future infield, having the ability to be bought almost seven times over isn't a good sign.

13. Buy a Ring for Kim Kardashian

While many fans are shocked with the short-lived, 72-day marriage between Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian, we believe we know why it never worked out.

Humphries may have bought her a $2 million diamond engagement ring, but with $250 million, he could've gotten her the gift of her life.

Deidre Pujols is undoubtedly a very happy lady.

12. Pay Cris Collinsworth to Stop Announcing

Arguably the most obnoxious announcer in football (or on the planet), former wide receiver Cris Collinsworth needs an incentive to leave the sport.

$250 million should get him across the world.

11. Clone Peyton Hillis

Since the days of Mike Alstott, the NFL has lacked a bullish, hard-nosed runner who is willing to grind through 300-pound defensive tackles without flinching.

Until now.

He may deal with plenty of injuries, but Peyton Hillis is the old-school runner that fans yearn for and teams desire. 

Every team deserves him.

10. Pay Rex Ryan to Give You a Foot Massage

With his obvious affinity for feet, Gang Green head coach Rex Ryan would undoubtedly jump at the opportunity to help out a fan.

The loud and respected coach could certainly use the $250 million to buy more foot scrub for his wife.

9. Get Your Own Gatorade Drink

Using sweat from the gods and Tim Tebow's hair follicles, we can produce the most productive and thirst-quenching drink in sports history.

As a former Gator and current obsession, Tebow would be glad to help out.

8. Pay Tom Brady to Wear Uggs

Considering he's clearly comfortable wearing them off the field, there is no reason why the star quarterback can't match the hair he sports on the field with Uggs.

If Tom Brady won't cut his Fabio-esque cut, then it's time he sport the boots.

7. Pay Eli Manning and Tony Romo to Fight

Imagine the lights shining down, the crowd erupting and two baffled-looking quarterbacks entering the arena with thick red gloves and bright smiles.

Giants versus Cowboys; it doesn't get better.

This comical battle will be worth every dollar.

6. Training Camp in Your Backyard

While having every worldwide game played in your backyard would be difficult, training camp alone would be more than possible.

It can't possibly be more than a quarter of your earnings, leaving you room to negotiate your own contract with the team.

5. Pay Rob Ryan to Stand on Jets Sideline

While we're still convinced that these twins are secretly only one man, we'd love to pay Rex Ryan's hilarious brother (defensive coordinator of the Cowboys) to come stand on the New York sideline and confuse opponents.

What a humorous thought.

4. Hire John Madden to Narrate Your Life

While he does seem to love the word "penetration," John Madden is still one of the most iconic and brilliant commentators in NFL history.

His colorful narrations would be the perfect addition to any mundane routine.

3. Take Several WAGs out on the Town

With these illustrious women in sports busy stealing the spotlight from their athlete beaus, it's clear they could use a night for themselves.

Your recent earnings could surely pay for endless delicacies for any of the 100 hottest WAGs.

2. Buy the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders

There's seemingly no better way to spend one's hard-earned fortune than to legally buy the most illustrious cheerleading squad in the NFL.

Look forward to never having a dull moment again.

1. Pacquiao vs. Mayweather

There's undoubtedly nothing that fans want to see more than a vicious battle between Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather Jr.

While there's an unspectacular chance it happens, money seems like the only asset to persuade the self-entitled Mayweather.

It's truly our only request.