I can just see it now:
Fighting out of the blue corner, weighing in at 260 pounds—he is a three-time champ and two-time MVP...here he is, Tim "The Bankshot" Duncan!
And fighting out of the red corner, his opponent, weighing 200 pounds and considered by many to be the best referee in the game today...Joey "The Def Ref" Crawford!
Then the bell would ring and Duncan would annihilate Crawford, giving athletes and fans retribution for every bad call in the history of sports.
And hey—why not put it on the undercard of the Mayweather-De La Hoya fight on May 5th? After being suspended by Commissioner David Stern, Crawford has plenty of time on his hands...and if the Spurs make an early playoff exit, Duncan'd be free too.
Yes, I know what you're saying: "Aaron, I'd give my firstborn to see it—but it'll never happen."
Never? I'd never thought we'd actually see Charles "The Round Mound of Anything But Rebound" Barkley race 67-year-old referee Dick Bavetta at this year's All-Star game...but it happened.
(I also never thought I'd see Barkley kiss Bavetta either...but that's neither here nor there.)
Tell me the logical next step isn't a boxing match between Duncan and Crawford. Because let's face facts: It'd be a lot more entertaining than the meaningless All-Star Game itself.
But why stop there—why not take a page out of the WWE playbook?
Every year, in addition to voting for the All-Stars, we could vote for the intraleague throw-downs we'd like to see.
Think of the possibilities: Phil Jackson and Kobe Bryant against Shaquille O'Neal in a two-on-one handicap match. Or Kobe Bryant against the Suns' Raja Bell, who already knows how to throw an efficient clothesline. How about an all-out Royal Rumble between the East and West All-Stars...with the winner securing home court advantage for his conference in the Finals?
And then, of course, there's the Granddaddy of 'Em All:
Who wouldn't pay to see that?
Just remember Timmy's cut...