The Holiday Gift That Sports Celebrity Will NOT Be Getting

In the season of gift-gifting and charity, it is time to reflect on the presents that our beloved athletes and sports celebrities will NOT be getting this holiday season.

Urban Meyer --- Home Defibrillator Kit

LeBron James --- Flag football championship ring

Jerry Sandusky --- Soap on a rope

Tim Tebow --- The Atheist's Playbook to a Super Bowl Crown

Sidney Crosby --- Scrambled eggs and melon recipes

Ron Washington --- Hair Club for Runner-Ups

Jim Boeheim --- I Know Nothing: The Autobiography of Sgt. Schultz

Ndamukong Suh --- Tap dance lessons

Bobby Valentine --- All-You-Can-Eat Pass to "Jacoby's House of Fried Chicken"

Peyton Manning --- Washington Redskins HANS device

Dan Mullen --- Combination shower locks

Jerry West --- Mr. Wonderful doll

Bernie Fine --- Final Four tickets

Laurie Fine --- Dr. Phil's holiday rendition of "Mrs. Robinson"

Albert Pujols --- I Love LA: 254,000,000 Reasons To Abandon The Midwest

Bruce Boudreau --- iPhone app of Russian curse words

Brian Kelly --- iPhone app of Catholic curse words

Rex Ryan --- A Parachute Maker's Guide to Sweater Vests

Rob Ryan --- Don King's Hair Gel for Men

Nelson Cruz --- Wall shy repellent

Prince Fielder --- A ham sandwich

Carl Edwards --- The Platter's CD "Smoke Gets In Your Eyes"

Aaron Rogers --- Deep-sea fishing trip with Mercury Morris

Danica Patrick --- [e-mail]

Michael Phelps --- Waterproof rolling paper

Wilson Ramos --- Bulletproof catcher's mitt

Roy Williams/Huckleberry Hound -- Separated At Birth, Series I

Lexi Thompson --- Michelle Wie's "Tipsheet to LPGA Longevity"

Bob Costas --- Platform interrogation shoes

Andrew Luck/The GEICO Caveman --- Separated At Birth, Series II

Jared Sullinger --- Greg Oden stand-up doll