NFL Week 13 Picks Against the Spread for Every Game

I went 9-7 last week to bring my yearly record to 84-83-9, just teetering over .500, but who's counting besides everyone?

There are some fun lines on this week's NFL slate. San Francisco finally gets some respect from Vegas, the AFC North teams pair off and two quarterbacks you wouldn't put on your dead grandmother's fantasy team will be making their first starts of the season. 

Enough yapping. Let's pick some games.

Philadelphia -2.5 over SEATTLE

The Seahawks came from ahead to lose against the Redskins last weekend, inspiring waiver claims from fantasy owners everywhere for running back Roy Helu. Eagles coach Andy Reid might be coaching to save his job as his team heads west to face a beatable team on its own turf. 

Tennessee +1.5 over BUFFALO

The Bills have lost four straight games, including two against the Jets, who lead them by a game in the AFC East. After winning four of the first five, Buffalo has cooled considerably, and its 21st-ranked run defense picked the wrong week to play Chris Johnson, who is as hot as he has been all season. 

CHICAGO -8 over Kansas City

Caleb Hanie threw three picks in the first half of his first start of the season, and his team only lost to Oakland by five points. Hanie will have disposed of his jitters by the time the Chiefs roll into town, giving NFL fans everywhere the dream matchup of Hanie and Tyler Palko for which they've secretly been pining. Eight points is a lot to cover, but I have faith in Palko's awfulness. He won't let me down.

Oakland +3 over MIAMI

I'm glad to see Oakland leading the AFC West; the Raiders made a controversial move in the wake of their owner's death to pick up Carson Palmer, and they've won their last three games for their trouble. The silver and black head will take their talents to South Beach (or...Miami Gardens, actually) to face a Miami team that had won three straight before giving the Cowboys all they could handle.

Dolphins quarterback Matt Moore hasn't had a 300-yard passing game all season, which seems odd for a guy under center whose team is favored to win.

PITTSBURGH -6.5 over Cincinnati

The Steelers won by seven when they played the Bengals in Cincy three weeks ago. I expect them to come through in this game. That would put them two games ahead of the Bengals in the AFC North and give them a huge edge in head-to-head tiebreakers if they happened to falter at the end of the season.

Baltimore -6.5 over CLEVELAND

Another AFC North matchup will happen in what will be a horrible December for the Browns, who will play the Ravens and Steelers twice each over the next five weeks. I've said this before, but Cleveland has it bad enough without the NFL schedule makers piling on like this.

New York Jets -3 over WASHINGTON

The Jets draw an easy out in what amounts to a playoff game for Rex Ryan's team. The rest of the schedule sets up well for Gang Green: After DC, the Jets host Kansas City, play at Philly, host the Giants and finish off the year in Miami. Those are all winnable games against teams that have had more than their share of struggles this season.

Atlanta -3 over HOUSTON

The T.J. Yates era has begun in Houston. The Texans will cling to a two-game lead in the AFC South with five games to play. After filling in in relief of the injured Matt Leinart last week, Yates will get his first career start against a coach in Mike Smith, who has never lost to a rookie quarterback.

Carolina +3 over TAMPA BAY

Cam Newton Cam Newton Cam Newton Cam Newton Cam Newton Cam Newton Cam Newton Cam Newton. Cam Newton? Cam Newton!

NEW ORLEANS -7.5 over Detroit

The boy named Suh will sit his first of two games this weekend. It's okay, really. It's not like the Lions could have sacked Drew Brees anyway. That guy's unstoppable at home.

Denver +1 over MINNESOTA

I seriously think that if Jared Allen sacks Tim Tebow a wormhole will rip open somewhere in the space-time continuum and swallow our entire planet. So I'm totally hoping that happens. 

SAN FRANCISCO -14 over St. Louis

Can Alex Smith cover two touchdowns? Not by himself, but his team can. Four of the Niners' nine wins have been by 14 points or more, and their run defense is tops in the league. St. Louis, conversely, has struggled to score: Sam Bradford has zero games with multiple touchdown passes, and Steven Jackson didn't score at all in November.

Dallas -4.5 over ARIZONA

Do not burn your Kevin Kolb jerseys. Yet. 

Green Bay -6 over NEW YORK GIANTS

The Giants secondary had a tough Monday night against Drew Brees. Now it gets worse.

NEW ENGLAND -21 over Indianapolis

Remember Dan Orlovsky? That guy that ran out of the end zone in Detroit back in the day? He's starting for the Colts. In what would have been a nationally televised game (thanks, flex scheduling!). I hope New England beats them by 50. 

JACKSONVILLE +2.5 over San Diego

If you were hoping to get one last look at Jack Del Rio, I have some bad news.